Black and Gold
by Lady Stockton
Summary: DISCONTINUED UNTIL REWRITE IS COMPLETED. With Father defeated, Al restored and no alchemy to speak of, Ed finds himself burned out and drowning himself in his work. The reconstruction of Ishbal throws him and Roy Mustang together in more ways than one.
1. For Ishbal

**_After much debate, I've decided to rewrite this. It has a lot of potential, but I've written myself into a place where I *really* hate all the characters. I'll probably lose any readers on alert, but hopefully for those that return you'll have a much better story in your hands._**

**_Thank you,_**

**_NK_**

_A/N: With Father defeated, Al restored and no alchemy to speak of, Ed finds himself burned out and drowning himself in his work. The reconstruction of Ishbal throws him and Roy Mustang together in more ways than Roy doesn't hold up his end of the bargain, will Ed remain shattered or will he find strength from an unexpected source?_

_ I'm telling you right now, there isn't a whole lot of fluff in this story._

_This is set after the FMA: Brotherhood series/Manga. Pairings: RoyxEd, AlxWin, Ed/various_

_Disclaimer: NoukaKatsumi does NOT own Fullmetal Alchemist. Thankfully, those rights belong to Hiromu Arakawa._

_Rated M for strong language, explicit sex scenes, violence, drug abuse, adult concepts, incest, and boy-on-boy (yaoi). Whew! That's a long list._

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><p><strong>For Ishbal<strong>

**Tuesday**:

A drop of sweat rolled down the bridge of a tanned nose. Golden eyes were pensive and ignored the blond strands that clung to a tanned forehead .

"...one hundred and fifty," the 20–year-old breathed as he kicked down from his last one-hand stand push up. He began to cool down with a Tai Chi routine, the one useful thing he learned from Ling, feeling the beauty and warmth of the early summer morning flood in with every timed breath. It was the one part of the day he had to himself and chose to relish every minute of it. The only problem was that since Ed lived on base, the only private outdoor space available to him was the Officer's Quad, but at that time of day only songbirds could be heard chirping and flitting in the shady oaks.

A pair of black eyebrows knitted together above equally black eyes in an attempt to focus on the paperwork in front of them. Roy huffed in frustration and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had left early last night for a date that never showed, so not only was he in the office at the crack of dawn in an effort to prevent being assassinated by Hawkeye, but he had also been stood up. That never happened to Roy Mustang. Never. The thought of it sent him from his chair to pace in irritation around his office, when something flashed in the corner of his eye from outside his window. Curious, he stepped over to it and looked through to the Officer's Quad, mentally patting himself on the back for scoring such a coveted view. Fullmetal was out there doing one hand stand pushups and the sun made his automail leg gleam. Moderately impressed and thankful for the distraction, Mustang continued his observation of one of his most unruly subordinates. He watched in fascination as Ed moved languidly though some exotic martial art. He could see the young man's long, silken braid whip through the air as he glided from one position to the next, his muscles rippling underneath his bronzed skin. Ed was a bundle of visual contradictions. _Like satin over steel._ Charcoal eyes had traveled half way down Ed's scarred, muscular torso when their owner realized he was ogling like a fangirl. Roy felt hot and slightly sweaty, what was going on here? Sure, Ed wasn't all that bad. Actually, he was far from bad with that strong jaw line and eyes that rivaled the sun...There he went again! He was Brigadier General Roy Mustang, a dog of the military, and this dog only barked up the finest female trees in Amestris.

Even with that strong affirmation of his identity as a veritable lady-killer, the general felt a pang of reluctance as he turned away from the window to sit back down at his desk. The gold band on his fountain pen brought to mind the intense, gilded stare of his subordinate. He felt his face flush again at the thought of having those focused eyes on him, but pushed the thought away with a determined growl. He only felt this way because he didn't get any the night before, which was rare and bound to throw off his concentration. Yes, that's it! With renewed resolve, Roy got back to diminishing the horrendously tall stack of papers on his desk.

...

Riza Hawkeye was rarely surprised. Most people are routine and easy to anticipate, even those seen as "unpredictable" had patterns of behavior. As the best sniper in the military, she had spent many hours watching people. This didn't stop her eyes from widening in shock at the sight of her superior furiously at work that early Tuesday morning. The lieutenant colonel wanted to cry tears of joy, but chose to approach in her usual reserved manner.  
>"Good morning, sir. How are you today?"<br>"Ah, morning, Hawkeye. I'm fine, just finishing up some leftover paperwork from last night," he smirked. To most, Riza Hawkeye seemed as implacable as stone, but he knew that slight twitch in her eyebrow meant she was surprised and was determined to investigate the matter.  
>"Sir, may I speak frankly?"<br>"Yes, what is it, colonel?"  
>"Why are you here so early in the morning, sir? I know that you are not - <em>ahem <em>- fond of your work."  
>"Whatever do you mean? I do this for the people that will one day call me Fuhrer. I can't be caught slacking," he answered sarcastically as he leaned on his fist to look at his adjutant. There was no way in hell that he was going to tell her that he had been stood up by some waitress.<p>

"Sir, with all due respect, you didn't answer my question," she replied. _Implacable as ever, Riza._  
>"I happened to be up early and decided to make my wonderful assistant happy," he smirked again and repressed a chuckle at the blush that bloomed across her cheeks. Before she could reply, the rest of his team began to filter in to the office.<p>

The lieutenant colonel turned away to get her superior's morning coffee ready, but mostly to hide her flush from her coworkers. Riza Hawkeye was the best sniper in the military and had spent a lot of time watching people, but no matter how much she watched Roy Mustang, he always managed to surprise her.

...

"Ugh! What does _he_ want?" Ed asked, annoyed. Fuery shivered at the proverbial daggers being shot at him.  
>"H-he didn't say, sir, haha," Fuery laughed nervously. It was well known that Ed disliked the general and hated being interrupted during his research. Unfortunately, the young master sergeant had picked the shortest straw and got stuck retrieving Edward Elric, premier alchemy scholar and resident loose cannon, from the library.<br>"This had better be good," he said while taking off his frameless reading glasses; all those nights reading in dim libraries had finally taken a toll on his eyesight. "Eh, I could probably use the break anyway." He flashed his best devil-may-care smile at Fuery while he stretched, which put the other man at ease.  
>"Well, what're you waitin' for, Fuery? That bastard's expecting me."<p>

...

"What!" Ed shouted. He strode to Roy's desk and slammed both hands on it as he leaned into Roy's face. "No way. No _fuckin'_ way! I don't do this shit anymore, Mustang! Find somebody else!"

"Major Elric, I appreciate that you are now an exemplary academic in the employ of the military and your research _has_ significantly increased the abilities of the State Alchemists, but you are one of the most experienced officers in these types of operations. As your _commanding_ officer, I _command_ you to return to the field!," the general barked back. Roy leaned back into his chair and smirked in the way that Ed hated so much and said, "I know you had plans to study out west, but I need your help in Ishbal." Ed's eyes widened at that last word. _Ishbal_. He had stopped listening to what the was being asked of him as soon as Mustang had said that he needed him on a mission, a long term one at that, but he couldn't ignore this. Despite the fact that he had had no involvement in what had happened in the Ishbalan War, he still wanted to help. He'd been feeling a bit useless these past few weeks, his fire was dimming and it was dangerously close to burning out—not that he'd admit it to anyone. Especially not to Roy Mustang.

"_You_ can't use alchemy, but you can still augment the abilities of those who can, right? Your breadth and depth of knowledge is unparalleled and would be quite useful to me," the general finished. Silence filled the office as everyone waited for Ed's reply. Ed imagined that he could hear the sunshine thrum like a harp, warm and shapeless. He stood up and looked Roy in the eyes.

"Okay, but I'm not going for you. I'm going to help the Ishbalan people," he ground out. The former Fullmetal Alchemist turned on his heel and walked out, quietly shutting the door behind him.

Roy released the smallest of sighs in relief. It was barely audible, but Riza caught it and smiled inwardly. Roy Mustang disliked pulling rank, but he did it when his subordinates needed it most.

"Sir, would you like to take some air? That exchange was...tense and we need you at your best if you plan on finishing all of your work before five."

Roy gave her a mixed look of appreciation and resignation and stood up. "Everyone, take ten," he said as he left the room. He wandered into the Officer's Quad and stretched out on one of the stone benches that lined the courtyard walls. Resting his head against the cool stone, he closed his eyes and tried to clear his head. The man known as a "hero of the people" had been only inches from his face a few minutes before. He could still smell the scent of the shampoo, library dust, and mechanic's oil that had wafted off him. He could still feel the corn silk softness of the braid that had brushed his hand. He smiled at how ridiculously long Ed's hair had grown; it reached the small of his back now. When he had asked why he never cut it, Ed had responded simply, _"If I cut it, I have to keep cutting it and who has time for that?" _Roy slung an arm across his eyes to block out the sun, although he didn't know which one. Those twin suns burned though the blackness of his closed lids to sear into him. _What am I thinking? That brat is of no interest to me. Ugh, I seriously need to get laid._

But some part of himself knew that wasn't true. Roy was attracted to those who were able to set goals and accomplish them, moving ever forward, but he had always believed that this came at great sacrifice to the friends and families of those that never looked back. Until he met Ed. The golden boy that burned brightly for everyone but himself. Never allowing himself any rest until he had achieved his goal, even at great cost to himself—his alchemy. He had a strength that Roy couldn't match. _I feel like I'm being sucked into the sun. I'll burn up and disappear._ The general clenched his fist. _No, I have too much work to do and too many people relying on me. I don't have the luxury to act like a reckless child._

The general stood up and returned to work with the loyal soldiers that served him.

...

**Friday**:

"Brother!" Alphonse called from across the platform. He jogged over to where a grinning Ed was standing. The two embraced; it had been almost six months since Ed had attended Al and Winry's wedding.

"Al! Long time no see! How've you been?" Ed asked.

"Great! But you know you wouldn't have to say that if you came to visit us more often, Brother," Al gently scolded. His face brightened and finished, "I have big news: Winry's pregnant!"

"What? That's awesome!...But you could've just called me you know."

"Yeah, but I wanted to tell you in person and I thought I would've gotten to see you long before now."

"I know, I know. Enough with the guilt tripping, Al, geez. I promise I'll visit as soon as I get some time off, okay? Besides now I'll have a baby niece or nephew to spoil."

"Okay, Brother. I'm just happy to see you're alright," Al smiled that sweet smile of his. Ed thought about agreeing, but he couldn't lie to Al, so he just smiled back.

The conductor rang the 5-minute warning. As the brothers climbed aboard, Ed thought that it was just like old times, but better. He watched as all the men and women he had worked with over the years climb aboard to support their leader in rebuilding Ishbal. Something surged inside of him as he thought about how much work lay ahead, but it only filled him with happiness. To have direction and purpose again felt right. With that thought, he took his seat with Al in their cabin.

As the train pulled out of the station, Ed smiled gently while he listened to his younger brother chatter about Winry and their new home, Pinako, and how much everyone missed Ed.

"Brother, you're so quiet. What're you thinking about?"

"Ah, nothin', really. I just like listenin' to you talk, that's all."

"Heh heh, you're so strange sometimes." Al glanced at his watch. "I think I want to go catch up with the rest of the team before they get too sleepy."

"Okay. I'll probably be asleep by the time you get back, though."

"I'll try to be quiet," Al said as he walked out of their cabin. Ed turned his attention to the view outside of his window. He looked for the edge of Central, where the variegated whites contrasted against rolling green fields. The familiar sight comforted him and was beginning to lull him into sleep, when he heard a sharp rap on the cabin door before it slid open. General Mustang stepped in and sat down across from the blond, smug smirk pasted on to his face.

"Well, major, are you ready for what lies ahead?" he asked, drinking in the sight of Ed sitting across from him. Just because he wasn't going to fall for the man, didn't mean that he couldn't appreciate the eye candy. He had grown considerably—he was almost as tall as himself. Roy also noted the change in wardrobe, mostly white button-downs and dark, slim-fitting slacks. The simplicity of it only made his beauty more radiant.

"You can drop the formalities, Mustang. It's just you and me. And to answer your question: I'm not sure," he finished softly. _Ed's in one of his contemplative moods_. It was during these moods that Ed dropped that well-cultivated braggadocio in order to just think. Those golden eyes turned from the window to gaze at him and suddenly it was too hot, too intense: Ed had stopped ruminating and was focusing _all_ of his attention on his superior. "What do you want, Mustang?"

"I—" his voice broke. "_ahem,_ I actually came to give you something," Roy managed to say. He had meant to stay longer and enjoy some aggravated banter with the blond, but Ed was having none of it today. _Very well._ "It's the complete files on the Ishbalan case, from the country's founding until now. Being the renowned researcher that you are, I thought you would prefer to do some light reading in preparation."

"Sure, thanks," he said as he reached across the cabin for the files, his blond brows arching a bit at the weight of the papers before setting them on the bench. "Anything else?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact." The words came out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Ed looked at him expectantly while he racked his brain to continue the conversation. "Your hair." Ed blinked in confusion, as Roy continued," Since you'll be representing a general while in Ishbal, I strongly suggest that you cut it."

Ed looked at his CO blankly. "No," he stated flatly. Roy did a mini celebratory dance in his mind. He didn't want to see that luscious mane go, but it was all he could think of to say.

"I figured you might say that, but why?"

"Because I can't be bothered with it...and because _you_ asked me to," Ed finished with a playful light in his eyes.

"Hmph, you haven't changed since then," Roy smirked and turned to leave. "By the way, Al told me to tell you that you have to come eat with everyone else in the dining car."

"Yeah, I will," Ed said, already engrossed in the first file. After Roy left, Ed looked up at where he had been sitting. _What was that all about? And what did he mean by "since then"? _He shrugged before returning to the file on the history of Ishbal.

...

Roy walked briskly back to his private cabin suite, latching the door behind him and drawing the curtain. He could feel the flush creeping up his face as he unbuttoned his uniform jacket to relieve the pent up heat. Ed had basically turned him a babbling mess. He pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation at the interaction, could he be any more obvious? _Probably, Ed's pretty oblivious to that sort of thing._ Roy sat down on the bench and felt the full force of relief flood over him. He was glad that the blond had refused his request, otherwise he would never get a chance to run his fingers through those golden locks. The general laughed at himself—that would never happen. Ed was generally uninterested in romantic relationships and sex; they would interfere too much with his research. _It's probably why Winry married Al and not Ed._ Not only that, but Ed didn't have a romantic bone in his body; he could be kind, in his own brusque way, but not romantic. After daydreaming about how it would feel to kiss the younger man, Roy picked up the phone in his suite and called for a service attendant to bring him a glass of wine.

...

As Ed made his way to the dining car, he heard some strange noises coming from one of the cabin suites. At first, Ed thought maybe someone was just sick until he heard a female voice scream. He slammed open the door, rushing in only to be confronted with a startling scene: a disheveled Roy Mustang standing behind a blonde attendant, who was bent over a bench with her skirt hiked up over hips, pantyhose puddled around her ankles.

Ages passed before anyone said anything. Finally, the general cleared his throat and asked, "Yes Major Elric, what can I do for you?"

Ed blinked a few more times before he realized that Roy was asking him a question. "I-I thought tha-that someone was in trouble..." he trailed off. "But I guess I was wrong! See you at dinner!" With that he closed the door and strode to the train car door. When he stepped into the dining car, he welcomed the rush of heat and noise as he slumped into a booth next to Al.

"Everything alright, Brother?" Al asked with a concerned look on his face. Ed's face was flushed and he was breathing heavily; he looked like he had a fever.

"Nah. I'm alright, just hungry and a little tired," he said as he feigned a yawn. "That bastard, Mustang, gave me a huge case file to get through by tomorrow."

"Oh, ok. If you say so," Al replied. It was obvious something was bothering Ed, but he didn't seem to be in any mood to talk about it. "Colonel Hawkeye just finished telling a funny story about the general and Black Hayate," Al turned to the young woman sitting across from him. "You should tell it again, it was really funny!"

"Really?" Ed's ears perked up at the fortune-sent distraction. "I'd love to hear it. Anything to use against that cocky asshole!"

...

"Crap, I'm gonna have to re-curl my hair, " the attendant hissed as she undid her bottle blond hair from the loose braid. She fluffed and re-fluffed it in the mirror.

"Get out," the general's gruff voice said from behind. The sable-haired man was sitting on the bench, legs crossed, his dress shirt only half buttoned. Normally, he'd sweet talk his lays so he wouldn't have to deal with the tears and could expect an open bed the next time he ran into them, but after that scene with Ed, he couldn't do it._ He knows my reputation by now, it shouldn't come as a surprise to him._ But his stomach twisted as he recalled the look of unabashed disgust on Ed's face. The girl was still looking at him in confusion, "What's the matter, sweet heart? I know you had a good time, you practically put me through the wall when you came!" She laughed.

"I said get out," he spat. "I'm tired of looking at you." He turned to look out the window as he heard a sniffling sound drift out of the cabin and completely disappear as the door slid shut. He clenched his fist in anger. _I need a drink_. He finished buttoning up his shirt and pulled on his uniform jacket. Raking a hand through his hair, he made his way to the dining car. When he stepped in, his eyes were immediately caught by the swish of a blond braid at the bar. The general inclined his head at every greeting as he walked down to the bar and stood next the blond.

"Good evening, major," the general opened. He ordered a double scotch on the rocks and turned towards Ed, smirk in place. "Have you eaten dinner yet? I hear the kitchen on this train is unparalleled."

"Nope, the colonel wanted to wait for you," Ed replied. He looked into the general's eyes and flashed his famous rakish smile, "So thanks to you, I'm starving! Since you're here you might as well help me get these drinks back to the table." Roy noticed that the smile didn't reach his eyes and followed Ed silently.

...

The dining car was empty except for Roy Mustang, who was finishing his sixth double scotch at the bar.

"I'm sorry, sir, but that's it for the night," the bartender responded to Roy's slurred demand for another drink.

"Fine, but I don't -_hic-_ I don't think I can make –_hic-_ make it back to my cabin alone," Roy finished. "Call Ed Elric from cabin-_hic-_ cabin 408."

"Certainly, sir."

A soft knock on the door made Ed turnover in his top bunk. He could still hear Al snoring softly just below him as he leaped from the edge of the pull-down bed.

"Yeah, what is it?" Ed said lowly as he opened the cabin door.

"Sir, you've been requested to come to the dining car to retrieve one of your friends."

"Is that so? Alright, just gimme a minute," he sighed. He put on his slippers and pulled on a long sleeve black shirt before he shuffled out into the hallway. He made sure not to pause in front of the general's suite; he wasn't interested in thinking about _that_. As he pulled open the dining car door, he saw the last person he wanted to see slumped over the bar.

"Oh great, this is just my luck," Ed grumbled. He walked over to the bar and grabbed Roy by the collar of his jacket. "Yo Mustang, you stupid bastard, wake up! I'm not carrying your sorry ass all the way back to your room!"

Glazed over black eyes peered at him from underneath thick dusky lashes. "Fullmeddle -_hic-_ "

"Ah what the hell, Mustang, you reek! Come on you damn alcoholic and try not to step on my good foot," Ed griped as he supported Roy with his right shoulder. He was practically carrying the man by the time they got to Roy's suite.

"I can -_hic-_ I can walk on my own, Fullmeddle," Roy said as Ed dropped him on the lower bunk.

"I should just let you sleep on the floor, you deserve it," Ed said as he took off the older man's boots. "A shameless womanizer and a drunk. Whatever." Ed turned to leave, when he heard Roy mumble something.

"What was that?"

"...-_hic-_ I want to touch -_hic-_ to touch your hair."

Ed snorted, "What? Old pervert. Besides, I thought you wanted me to cut it?"

"No -_hic-_ I said that because -_hic_-_hic-_" Roy launched into a coughing fit, which spurred Ed to grab him a glass of water. Roy could barely sit up, so Ed cradled him against his chest and held the water to the man's lips.

"Thanks," Roy wheezed after the fit had subsided. Ed laid his CO back on the bed and shrugged before sitting next him to undo his braid. Gold rippled over his shoulder. Roy's eyes widened; he hadn't expected it to be so pretty as he watched it pool on his chest. He reached up with his right hand, the faded scars of a transmutation circle were illuminated by the moonlight as he ran his fingers through it. He let it slip through strand by strand before grabbing a fistful and bringing it to his nose. What little sobriety had come to him was quickly overwhelmed by the intoxicating smell of Ed. All too soon, he could feel his eyelids growing heavy. Ed watched as Roy fell asleep, blanketed by his hair. He yawned as he stood up to go, casting one last look at Roy while pulling up his hair in a ponytail before stepping out of the cabin. _What was that all about? _Suddenly, he remembered the attendant, her blond hair in a single, messy braid. He tried to remember if he had seen her before, to see if she had been wearing her hair like that earlier, but it was no use and he was at the door of his own cabin. He stripped down to his boxers before hauling himself up to the top bunk, not wanting to wake Al by using the ladder. He yawned again as he pulled the sheet across his body. Normally he'd be unable to sleep right away, but the whole ordeal with Mustang had worn him out. It wasn't long before he fell into a strange dream about dark eyelashes.

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><p><em>AN: Sorry for all the jumping around, it evens out after the next chapter. Please review!_


	2. Don't be a brat

_A/N: Sorry, this chapter is kind of short! Please review!_

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><p><strong>Don't be a brat.<strong>

**Saturday**:

Ed was awake long before anyone else. Putting on a pair of grey fitted pants, he made his way, barefoot, to the general's suite. He had the only cabin with enough room for Ed to do his morning routine. _That bastard is probably still passed out anyway._ Making sure that the connecting door between the lounge and the sleeping cabin was closed, Ed got to work. An hour and half later, when Ed was halfway through his cool down, he could hear it open. Neither of the men said anything, unwilling to break Ed's concentration. Ten minutes later, Ed bowed and took a final deep breath. From over his shoulder he asked, "So you're up? I thought you'd sleep like the dead after how much you drank."

"I hope to rebuild this country, so I don't have the luxury of sleeping in," Roy replied. "Even if I feel like my head is going to explode." Ed could hear the smirk in his voice. "I'm curious, why does an academic like you need to do such a rigorous workout every morning?"

Ed turned around locked eyes with Roy, "To train the mind, one must train the body…Hey, how'd you know I do it every morning?"

Roy could feel his knees weaken under the golden-eyed gaze and didn't really pay attention to what he was saying, "I, um, sometimes, I...What I mean to say..." _I can't tell him that I've been coming in to work early just to watch him._

Ed watched in surprise as a light blush swept the general's cheeks. If it hadn't been for last night, he probably would've laughed. Strangely embarrassed, he turned to face the hallway door, "Well, I better go wash up for breakfast, later." Roy watched as Ed left, swishing ponytail, sweaty muscles, and all. He sunk down onto the cabin bench. _I'm too old for these games, especially when I'm the only one playing._ Roy considered rubbing one out, but didn't feel like cleaning up the mess, so he stripped to the waist and went to his ensuite lavatory to wash up.

In a fresh uniform, the general stepped out of his cabin and headed to the dining car for breakfast.

...

As Ed padded down the hall to his own cabin, he noticed the blond attendant from the other day walking towards him. Her full, pressed curls bounced with each step.

"Good morning, sir," she said as she passed him._ She doesn't recognize me._

"Um, excuse me, can I ask you a question?"

"Yes, what can I do for you today, sir?"

"Do you normally wear your hair like that?"

"Yes, of course, it's really popular right now!"

"I see, it looks nice."

"Thank you sir!"

As he stepped into his own cabin, Ed's mind was going a million miles a minute. Al was just pulling on a fresh shirt, "Good morning, Brother!"

"Mornin' Al. Sleep well?"

"Of course! I'm still amazed at how wonderful dreaming is...Winry always laughs at me when I say that, but it's true." Ed smiled distractedly, when something suddenly occurred to him.

"Hey Al, do you like long hair?" When Ed realized how that sounded, he blushed but waited for a reply anyway.

"What do you mean? If it's like yours, Brother, all soft and shiny, yeah I like it. B-but on women of course, haha," Al laughed. Al's weakness for all things soft always managed to show through. Ed just looked at him for a few seconds before bursting out laughing.

"What's so funny Brother?"

"Ahh, it's nothin' Al. Would you mind re-braiding my hair? I've been a little stressed lately and it would help me relax."

"Uh, sure, I wouldn't mind." Ed dug out his old comb from his travel bag and handed it to Al before sitting on the bench, facing the window.

"It's gotten so long. Do you think you'll cut it?" Ed closed his eyes as he felt the firm, slow strokes pulling through his hair. He could already feel the tension leaving his body.

"Nah, it stopped growing a while ago, so why bother?...You know you're the second person to ask me that." As the comb massaged his scalp, he breathed deeply.

"Who else asked you?"

"That bastard…Mustang." He leaned against Al's chest. He was so tired for some reason.

Al rested his chin on top Ed's head, "What's wrong, Brother? I can tell that something has been bothering you since yesterday. Tell me."

"It's nothin'... I mean I can't prove it…"

"Just tell me."

"I think Mustang…." Ed trailed off. It was too ridiculous.

Al poked Ed in the ribs. "Spit it out already, Brother! You think Mustang….what?"

"I think he's in love with me. Or something like that."

"Huh?"

"I'm not repeating myself, Al! And it's not funny!" Ed yelled and glared over his shoulder as he heard his baby brother start laughing. When Al finally calmed down, he pushed Ed off his chest gently and began combing Ed's hair again.

"So what makes you think that General Mustang is in love with you?" Ed told him what had happened last night and that morning. Al tied up the end of Ed's braid as he finished telling the story.

Ed turned to Al, "What d'ya think?"

"Well, I don't think he's in love with you, Brother, although it is possible that he's interested. But it doesn't really matter unless you are, too." Instead of asking Ed if he was or wasn't, Al decided now was a good time to get breakfast.

"Hey! Where ya goin' Al? I'm sorta in the middle of a crisis here!"

"Sorry Brother! I know you can figure this one out on your own," Al smiled and walked out the cabin.

"Stupid Al," Ed sulked. "He's probably right. I'll do it my own way even _if_ he gave me advice." His stomach grumbled in annoyance. "Dammit, I'm hungry at a time like this." Ed washed up and got dressed in record time and caught up with his brother in the hall.

"Al, I got one more question."

"Yeah? What is it, Brother?"

"Don't you think it's weird that two guys could be together?"

"A little, but much weirder things have happened to us, right? What really matters is if the person your with makes you happy."

"Yeah, I see your point. Al, you're the best little bro ever!" He grinned.

"Yeah, I know. C'mon, I'm starving!"

...

When the two entered the car, Roy couldn't help sneaking a glance at Ed. His black dress shirt made his braid practically glow. Everything was so fuzzy from the night before, he could've sworn that Ed had allowed him to touch his hair, but it seemed like a dream. Even so, the memory of the smell made him dizzy. He swayed in his seat.

"Sir, are you all right? I've never seen a night of drinking take such a toll on you."

"I'm fine, Colonel Hawkeye. Thank you for your concern."

"May I ask why you were drinking, sir?"

"No, you may not."

"I see, sir. Forgive me."

The two continued their discussion over what needed to be done after they had arrived in Resembool, when Roy heard Ed laugh from over at the bar. It was free and light. _I want to make him laugh like that._He looked out the window, _we're not far now._

"Colonel, I'm going to go take a nap. Wake me when we arrive."

"Yes, sir." Riza looked at his back sadly. _He might as well be carrying a load of bricks_. She sighed, _what can I do? _That's when she noticed Ed siting with his brother. _He's the only one who can get the general riled up enough to get him out of his slump_.

"Edward, good morning, may speak with you?"

"Ah, mornin', colonel! Sure, what's up?" Ed replied.

"It's about the general. He seems to be out of sorts, since he won't confide in me, I'm asking you to cheer him up. I can't have him moping around all day. I need him to work." Ed and Al recoiled from the flash of determination in her eyes.

"Ed say something, she's scary!" Al whispered.

"Heh heh, but why me colonel?" Ed asked nervously.

"You know how to get under his skin. I think a good sparring match would lift his spirits and raise team morale."

"Do I have the option to refuse?" Ed asked hopefully.

"Not at all."

"I thought so," Ed groaned.

"Excellent, I think after sundown would be best. That way we can get as much work done as possible."

"Of course, colonel." Ed sighed. He had to deal with this issue eventually, it might as well be now. "Okay Al, I'm off to the general's suite. Wish me luck!"

"Good luck, Brother!"

...

Ed let himself in to the cabin lounge where Roy was stretched out. He was asleep, his breath a gentle susurration. Ed looked at him. _Am I even attracted to him?_ Ed had never really noticed how handsome Roy was: his coal black hair falling rakishly into his face, which only accentuated his pale skin and strong jawline. He knew that Mustang kept himself in good shape—he'd seen him without his shirt often enough. Despite what most of his friends and colleagues thought, Ed had plenty enough sexual experience to know what he liked. He had never sought a relationship, but was aware that he had the occasional need for companionship and physical satisfaction. So, he kept a couple of regular partners. They were both older women with careers, driven and intelligent and unashamed of their success. His favorite had thick black lashes. Ed looked at Roy's closed lids, seeing those same lashes. _Mustang is driven and intelligent and unashamed of his success_. _He receives loyalty from all the men and women that serve under him. _He gave an audible sigh. _Yeah, I'm attracted to this jerk. Dammit._

"Major? What're you doing here?" the general asked groggily.

"Wakey, wakey general. The colonel sent me to cheer you up. Somethin' about a sparring match later to improve your productivity," he flashed the man his troublemaker's smile. "Would ya just do your damn job you lazy bastard? Your making your subordinates' lives harder by being all spacey."

Roy smirked, "This coming from the brat who was once determined to get himself into trouble every time I turned around?"

"Yeah, yeah," Ed replied as he sat down on the opposite bench. "So, if ya don't mind me asking, what's up?"

Roy sat up and crossed his legs. He spun his lie like he had several times to the staff, "Nothing unusual. I've been under a lot of stress lately, what with organizing an entire mission to help rebuild Ishbal."

"Save it for the ladies, Mustang. I know you thrive off this type of shit," Ed continued more seriously, " I also know that you have nightmares from the Ishbalan war when you're stressed. If it was just that, the colonel wouldn't have asked me to help. So what's really goin' on?"

"You." Roy rested his chin on his laced fingers. _Shit._ Ed looked out the window in silence and Roy felt as if a cloud had just blocked the sun.

"It's easy to hide in the desert, general," Ed said. "When you return to Central, what will happen?" The gaze of the sun was burning him again. Roy tried not to squirm under that intense stare. _When did this brat become such a force?_ He could feel sweat dripping down the back of his neck, the sting in his armpits. He closed his eyes. _Will I stay by his side at the risk of public scandal?_

"I'll turn my back on you," the general replied. "I have not attained my goal, major, so I don't have time for unnecessary things. At most, you are a curiosity to be explored."

"I see." The sun was gone again. Ed kept his head low, so that his bangs hid his eyes. "We're only a few minutes away from Resembool, general." Ed stepped lightly out of the cabin, not waiting for Roy's reply. Roy wanted to set something on fire, but he didn't feel like cleaning up the mess, so he began to repack his travel bag.

_..._

_I should've expected as much._ Ed thought to himself. He didn't know if he was angry, or sad, or resigned. As if moving through molasses, Ed repacked his briefcase with the Ishbalan case files, his few personal items, and his change of clothes. When Al came into the cabin, he noticed his brother was looking at the sky. He only did that when he was searching for an answer that wasn't the truth. Al sighed and embraced Ed from behind.

"I thought you weren't interested, Brother," Al said softly.

"I'm not."

"Then what is it? Tell me."

"I…I just don't like being disappointed."

"What do you mean?"

"It's hard to explain. I feel like I've lost something that I didn't have or even want to begin with. It's stupid." Ed tried to laugh, but it was small and bitter. Al hugged him tighter and rested his head on Ed's shoulder.

"It's not stupid, Brother."

"If you say so, Al." The two didn't move until the train stopped.

Ed silently mourned the loss of his brother's embrace, but gave Al his brightest smile. "Don't worry, once I've worked out this mess in my head, I'll be fine."

"Brother."

"Don't give me that look, Al. Besides you and Winry get to fuss over me all night tonight, remember? Geez, you worry too much." He pushed his brother playfully with his shoulder. "I'll race you back to your house!" With that, Ed took off running.

"Hey! No fair! Cheater! You don't even know where you're going!" Al called as he took off after his beloved brother.

...

Roy watched as a blur of black and gold rushed past him and up the platform followed by another gold and blue one he assumed was Al. The sound of Ed's laughter sent chills down his spine. His stomach dropped and his vision blurred. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

"Sir? Sir? General Mustang?" Riza's voice snapped him back to reality.

"Yes, colonel, what is it?"

"Sir, your car is waiting to take you to the hotel. Are you ready?"

"Yes of course." The general resisted the urge to scan the area for Ed.

"Hey! Mustang!" Roy turned towards the voice and saw his obsession standing on a hill. He stopped breathing when the sunlight caught his hair. "How about that sparring match later? I can take ya, you old bastard!" Everyone in the vicinity as looking at the young blond man. He heard a few excited female whispers and giggles.

Smirking, he replied, "Is that so? We'll see about that! You'll wish you hadn't challenged the Flame Alchemist!" The volume of whispers and giggles increased and he could've sworn he heard one woman faint. In the corner of his eye he could see Riza shaking her head.

"What's the matter, colonel? I thought this was your idea," he chuckled.

"That is true, sir, but I must maintain appearances as the responsible one. Although, I wouldn't have needed to ask Edward to do this if you would just focus, sir."

"Sorry about that, colonel. Don't worry, we'll be ready to move out first thing in the morning."

* * *

><p><em>AN: No worries! Smut will ensue in the next chapter! Please review!_


	3. Rough

_A/N: Warning! Explicit boy-on-boy! You've been warned._

* * *

><p><strong>Rough.<strong>

As the sky turned amber, Ed began to limber up for his match. He couldn't use alchemy, so he'd been focusing solely on his hand-to-hand combat. _Just fist on fist_. All of the troops, which were mostly there to be a support network for the small team of alchemists that would be doing the bulk of the rebuilding, had already prepared for the following day's journey and were eating, drinking, and relaxing. Ed was happy, too, for the distraction and the excuse to get out of the house. Winry had been tinkering on him for the better part of the day: her doctor had expressly forbidden her from overworking and Ed had mistakenly got her on the subject, going so far as to suggest that she try an alloy of carbon and titanium for his next leg. Which she decided to do. Immediately. _Crazy, automail-obsessed woman._

Most of the bars were in the southeastern part of Resembool and they all radiated out from a paved circle that used to be a pen for common livestock. That's were Ed now stood, the sunset tinting his hair red gold, facing Roy Mustang. Havoc walked into the center.

"All right, a clean match you two. No weapons or alchemy. First to go down for 5 counts, loses!" As soon as he had retreated to the edge of the circle, the cheering began.

Ed put his left leg in front and raised his fists in a fighting stance. Roy did the same and the two waited for the other to break first. Ed decided it would be him, almost grazing the general's face with his left fist before retreating from a knee that would've landed him on his back. Ed's brows drew into a scowl, but he didn't say anything as he broke into a crouching mad dash towards Roy. He jumped and placed his hands on the general's shoulders. But instead of just jumping behind, he grabbed the general's arm in mid-jump and threw him, face-down, over his shoulder. Cheers and boos tangled in a deafening din.

Not being quite the fighter as Ed and willing to play dirty, Roy grabbed Ed's left ankle and pulled him down on the ground. Lunging forward to twist one of the blond's arms around, he was surprised when the Ed slid back on his stomach and kicked his legs over, hooking the general's neck and planting him in the dirt again. Ed jumped up, only to be yanked back by his braid. Ed connected his knee to Roy's side, forcing him to let go. Then the real sparring began. The two danced in a circle as each met the other's attacks in a flurry of parries and ducking. Roy had Ed on the run. Ed's gymnastic agility showed in his retreating jumps and backflips.

"Running away, shorty?" Ed's faced turned an impressive shade of purple.

"Not a chance, you old GEEZER!"

Ed once again made a crouching mad dash towards Roy. "That old tr—mph!" Instead of grabbing his arm again, Ed had jumped on to Roy's shoulders, wrapped his legs around his neck, and let the remaining momentum and gravity to do the rest, rolling away at the last second before Roy hit the ground.

The crowd counted down with Havoc:

"5…4…3…2…1, Ed wins!" All the women screamed for Ed as some of the men jeered Mustang. Ed smirked and wiped some of the dust off of his face with the back of his hand. He extended his hand to Roy and pulled him up.

"Good match, major, you've significantly improved since our last fight," Roy said. He cracked his neck and said, "Although, if I had been able to use my alchemy, the situation would be reversed. But, the colonel was right, I do feel better."

"Yeah, yeah. Glad I could help. I'm off," Ed looked down at himself, "I need a shower." He gave a wave as he walked in the direction Al and Winry's house. He didn't get far before Havoc and Breda pulled him into a bar for a celebratory drink. When Roy turned around, Riza was standing there with a towel.

"Why did you let him win? And don't lie, I can tell that you could've easily taken him down after that last move. That's very unlike you," she commented. Roy wiped his face before slinging the towel around his neck.

"Because I couldn't hold out much longer, Riza," he said as he looked in the direction of the dying sun. "If you stare too long at the sun, you go blind. And I've had that experience already."

Riza didn't know how to respond to that, so she simply said, "Don't forget we're having dinner at the Elrics'."

"Of course," he called over his shoulder. _How could I forget?_

* * *

><p>In the shower, Roy thought of blond hair and bronzed skin under his hands as he relieved himself of his pent-up lust, stirred to a frenzy by the fight. His breaths came shallow and quick as he imagined Ed touching him, sliding his long-fingered hand around him and pumping his length with imaginary hot kisses dotted his back. It wasn't long before those broad, pale-shoulders shuddered in release. He let the cold water rinse his desire away.<p>

...

"So, Winry, Edward told me that you gave him a real tune-up today," Riza said.

Winry blushed, "I may have gotten a little carried away, heh."

"A LITTLE? I had to walk around without a leg for over 4 hours! Automail freak!"

"Freak! What about you, bean boy!"

"Who you callin' bean? You can't call me short anymore! I'm taller than you now!"

"Winry! Brother!" Al pleaded, "Come on you two, can't you just get along for more than five minutes?"

"Stay out of this Al!" The two said in unison before going back to flinging insults.

"They haven't changed much, have they Alphonse?" the general asked.

"They have, just not around each other," Al sighed. "Would you two like some dessert in the living room?"

"That would be excellent. Thank you Alphonse," Riza replied.

"Just a scotch for me, if you have it."

"Sure! You can go on ahead," Al said.

It wasn't long before everyone was laughing and reminiscing over dessert. Ed offered to do the dishes, so Al and Winry decided to turn in early, then Riza suggested that they go too. The couple said good night to Roy and Riza at the door before heading upstairs.

"You can go back to the hotel, colonel," the general said. "I'm going to help clean up."

"Um, okay, sir, good night. Don't hesitate to call for a car."

Ed was surprised to find the general stacking dishes when he came out of the kitchen. "Why're _you_ still here?"

"I'd thought I'd give you a hand." He followed Ed into the kitchen with the last of the plates. He set them down next to the edge of the sink and stepped behind Ed. He pulled the tie of his ponytail out and watched as Ed's hair flowed over his shoulders and back. Roy leaned over Ed and nuzzled his face into the still damp nape of Ed's neck. _His smell, I can't get enough of it._ Roy could already feel his erection straining against the fabric of his pants. Ed let out a soft sigh, it had been a while since he'd been touched. He had known this was coming and decided that one time wouldn't hurt and would satisfy his own curiosity about men. But he didn't feel like giving the general what he wanted so soon.

"Bastard, I'm tryin' to do the dishes." He could feel Roy nip him with his teeth and snorted, "Don't act like a brat."

"I'm not," Roy grumbled. "I didn't come here to play house."

"I know. That would require pretending we're in love, " Ed said while pulling his hair back into a low-slung ponytail, he pushed up the sleeves of his white button-down and turned on the water. When the steam began to float from the tap, he tossed a towel into Roy's hands. They finished in silence, Ed washing while Roy dried. Their fingertips brushed as the blond passed the dripping dishes to the brunette._How is he so cold about this? _Roy wondered, but then the memory of that sweet sigh dispelled any doubts. _No, he wants this, but I expected him to be more—flustered._

"Are you a virgin, major?" Roy asked nonchalantly.

"Not at all," Ed replied just as evenly.

"Have you ever been with a man?"

"Nah, but are you trying to tell me that all those skirts you talk about chasing are actually pants?"

"Of course not. I've never been with a man before," Roy could feel the tips of his ears glowing.

"So why me?" Ed asked simply. Roy didn't respond. How could he? How could he explain that he was pretty sure Ed was a sun god and that he was obsessed? Roy took the last dish from Ed and dried it slowly.

"No answer? How typical. It's pretty weird that you wanna fuck _me_, though." Roy flinched almost imperceptibly at the crude word. He realized that he had strong preconceived notions about Ed and his sexuality and decided to get rid of them before he ended up looking like a fool.

"Who have you slept with before?" Roy asked, genuinely curious.

"I can't tell ya," Ed dried his hands on the dish towel and started putting them away. "I'm not subtle like you, I'm too impatient for that, but I can keep a secret." Ed placed the last cup on the shelf and closed the cupboard door. He turned and walked to the guest room, knowing the general would follow. "Fortunately, Al and Winry are deep sleepers," he said as they entered the room. A bed had been pushed against the southern window. A small dresser filled one corner and a desk was to the left of the door. Ed quietly closed it and let Roy embrace him as he turned the lock.

Roy took down Ed's hair once again, marveling at the color, texture and weight. He buried his fingers in it as he pulled the youth's head back gently to run his tongue along his jawline. _His skin is so soft._ The blond turned around and pulled Roy into a hungry kiss, letting him undo the buttons on his shirt as he explored the other's mouth. Ed grazed his teeth over Roy's bottom lip, eliciting a deep-throated groan and then slid his tongue into that wet cavern. Roy succumbed to the wave of heat. _His touch burns me. He'll turn me to ash. _Ed waited until spots danced behind his lids before releasing Roy from his lips.

The youth deftly unbuttoned the general's shirt and pushed him down onto the bed. Ed straddled his hips and slid his shirt off, nuzzling and licking Roy's neck. He relished the pale skin as he bit Roy's muscular shoulder. In an effort not be overwhelmed by the golden man, Roy made a bid for control and flipped Ed onto his back, but he wasn't prepared for the halo of gold that radiated across the bed. _How can he look angelic with lust clouding his eyes? _The blond moved was as if he was made of water, rising and swelling to each touch. Roy kneeled onto the floor, pulling down the blond's trousers and boxers with him, and grasped the younger man's erection.

"Are you always like this?" Roy panted. He pressed kisses on the younger man's firm inner thigh.

"What do you mean?" Ed whispered as he bucked his hips, silently begging for more friction.

"Are you always so sensitive? Do you always blaze this hot?" Roy growled.

But Ed couldn't answer once Roy took him in his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the shaft as he bobbed up down, every time taking Ed deeper. The blond thought it interesting how good the man was at this. Roy could hear the panting above his head speed up as a hand tangled itself in his hair. Then Ed came, moaning into a pillow. Roy swallowed each drop voraciously and then the hand in his hair pulled back sharply. The general hissed in pain, "What the f—"

Ed cut him off with a flurry of lips and teeth and tongue as he slid between the other man's knees and unfastened Roy's pants with his free hand. He pushed the general onto the floor, rubbing his new erection against Roy's and lavished attention on one nipple, while he rolled the other between his thumb and forefinger. As he left lover's bruises across the alabaster expanse of chest, he slipped two digits into the general's mouth. "Suck." Roy was in no position to argue, the former alchemist had him whipped. When his fingers were well coated, Ed slipped one inside the man beneath him, drinking in his reaction as Roy gasped in pleasure. He was only vaguely aware of a pair of golden eyes looking down at him before another finger slid deep inside of him.

"You ready?" Ed asked in a low voice near his ear. He bucked his hips against Roy, when he didn't answer, eliciting another gasp. " I can't hear you general."

"Yes_-hah -_ please!" Roy was beyond shame as he let Ed lift his hips onto his lap and spread his legs. Ed slicked himself with his own saliva and lined himself up with Roy's entrance then sheathed his cock slowly to the hilt. The blond swooped down to capture the lips of the ebony-haired man, swallowing his moan. In his kindness, Ed didn't move until Roy bucked his hips again. He made his thrusts shallow as he licked the hollows of Roy's muscled chest. Ed wrapped one arm around Roy's thigh, cupping his ass and began to pound him fast and deep, grunting with pleasure.

"_-Hah-_ I'm so close," Roy panted and Ed shifted his hips causing the world to evaporate for the older man as he hit his prostate. Taking the brunette's neglected cock in hand, Ed pumped in time with his own thrusts, fully aware his own release was near. Finally, white light blinded Roy as he came violently in Ed's pumping fist, whispering the blond's name over and over like a mantra. Tears stung his eyes when he felt liquid fire shoot up his spine as Ed came silently and fiercely. In the stillness that followed, Roy could feel how deliciously built Ed was. The blond stretched languidly across Roy and kissed him lazily in the afterglow before pulling out. The general tried to hold back a whimper of loss, but failed.

"You like me that much?" Ed teased as he stood up. "You're not half bad yourself, general." He scratched the large scar on his stomach absentmindedly and turned to look at Roy. "I'm gonna go take a shower," he wrapped a still damp towel around his nudity and opened the bedroom door before tossing over his shoulder, "Oh and to answer your question: I'm always like that."

Roy sighed and sat up. He could feel the rug burn on his back, but didn't care. _I got what I wanted, but I'm unfulfilled._ Ed had barely made a sound during their time together, hadn't uttered his name once. He felt used and angry that he didn't see this coming. He felt like a fool. It wasn't long before the door opened and a towel landed on his head.

"Why're you still on the floor?" Ed asked as he sat on the bed. Roy stood up and wrapped the towel around his waist.

"I don't think we should do this again," he said gruffly.

"Hm, how come?" Ed asked as he finger-combed his wet hair into a ponytail.

"Does it matter?" Roy asked.

"Nah, not really," he said as he leaned on his fist. "But I had a good time." Ed smiled at Roy and asked carelessly, "What're you sulking about? If you want more, then just say so."

"I want more," Roy admitted. He felt strong arms wrap around his waist. "And I want you to call me by my name."

"Then let me take you again, Roy," Ed whispered in his ear as he pulled off their towels. Roy sighed as all the blood rushed to his groin again from Ed's erection pressing against him. "I'll take that as a yes."

"How do you do this to me?" Roy asked helplessly as he was pushed onto the bed again.

Ed chuckled into Roy's neck, "Beats me." He rolled his hips into the brunette's and was rewarded with a low moan.

"Ride me." Roy shuddered at the thought of impaling himself on the well-endowed man. _He's the right size where it counts._ Ed rolled onto his back and guided the older man's head to his cock and positioned himself under Roy's. The older man took him in hungrily, moaning around the thick length. He felt his lust swell with each moan that thrummed through his cock from Ed's skillful sucking. Roy knew his orgasm was only moments away, so he turned and straddled the youth's waist, not wanting to come so soon. Once he had the tip inside, Roy slammed himself down, disregarding the pain,. Ed put his hands on the other man's hips and pulled himself into a seated position. Grabbing the back of his head, Ed dragged Roy into another rough kiss, drawing blood when he bit Roy's lower lip. His fingernails scraped across Roy's back, rekindling the rug burn. At the hiss of pain, Ed smirked and bit the man's collarbone, then trailed reddish purple marks up his neck. Keeping one hand in that dark hair, he pulled Roy's head back and with the other he pumped his nearly purple cock. It wasn't long before the older man moaned Ed's name again and came into his hand, but Ed hadn't finished, so he turned him over, lifted his hips, and penetrated him again from behind. One hand dug into his hip and the other bound his wrists over his head. Roy could feel the cold bite of metal from Ed's automail leg against his own flesh one and it only made the rest of his body burn hotter. Finally, Ed gave one last thrust, groaned Roy's name, and collapsed on top of him. Soft lips soothed the scratches and rug burn on Roy's back.

"So rough."

"I can't imagine fucking you any other way. You don't like it?" He asked as Roy rolled over underneath him.

"I do," Roy said as he touched his lip and tsked when his fingers came away with blood, "But I'd rather not have any souvenirs."

"Whatever. We should shower, although this will be my third one today," Ed said contentedly. Drowsiness roughened the edges of his voice.

"No, I need to get back to the hotel. I'm certain that I've stayed much longer than Hawkeye expected," the general said as he used a towel to wipe himself off.

"What is she? Your mom?"

"No, but any soldier should be worried when their CO goes missing," he chided.

"I'll walk you, then. I wouldn't want anything bad to happen," he teased.

"How loyal," the general said sarcastically. The two dressed quickly. As Roy finished buttoning up his uniform, Ed opened the window to let in the night air. He smiled inside when Roy tugged at his ponytail, but gave the man an annoyed look.

"What it is it with the hair? Do you have a fetish or something?" A rose tint suffused Roy's cheeks. He squashed it ruthlessly.

"Of course not. I simply have a taste for beautiful things."

"I'm not some _doll_ for you to look at," Ed snapped. For some reason, Roy knew the tables had turned.

"I didn't come to just look at you," he smirked. Ed stalked away from him, _stupid bastard, getting me all worked up_.

Before they left the house, Ed took Roy's hand in his own and locked eyes with his, "We shouldn't talk so much."

Roy didn't say anything and tucked the feeling of his hand being held by Ed into the back of his mind. They walked to the hotel leisurely. At the door, Ed winked at him before turning and stepping out of the yellow circle of the streetlamp, his gold hair gleaming.

"Night, general."

"Goodnight, major."

Roy trudged up the stairs to his room. Once inside, he poured himself three fingers of scotch from the minibar and sat on the bed, exhausted. His fingers fumbled with the gold buttons on his uniform and he half-heartedly considered tearing it off. The emptiness he had felt earlier had settled in him on the walk back. Ed had meant what he said—the two had spoken very little to each other. By action alone, Roy knew that Ed had closed himself to Roy, as if he was trying to protect something precious.

"Get a grip, Mustang," he muttered to himself. The bed sank under his weight, mattress springs protesting their abuse.

"Shit," he spat as the amber liquor stung his lip. He downed the rest of it and waited for the uplifting heaviness to take over, when it did, he pulled off his shoes and laid on the bed. "I want…," he whispered as he fell into dreams about turning lead into gold.

...

When Ed got back to the house, he noticed the kitchen light spilling into the living room. Al was sitting at the table and staring at his hands.

"Al? What're ya doin' up?"

"Oh…Brother, I…I had a bad dream."

"The one where you're still armor?" Ed slid into a chair next to him.

"Yeah."

"Let's play the game."

"But, I'm not sure that I want to know that this world isn't real. That I'm still…. dreaming."

"Trust me, Al."

"…..Okay, Brother."

Ed took Al's hand and led him into the living room. Kneeling, he put on Al's shoes and took his hand again, leading him outside. The two walked up to where Ed had buried their mistake.

"This is where I buried it. To remind us." He made Al touch the headstone to cement him with physical sensations. Sitting under the tree next to the grave, Ed rolled up his left trouser leg to let the automail gleam in the moonlight and took off his jacket and shirt.

"Not all of me came back, Al." His brother ran his hand over Ed's right arm, stopping to trace the scars where the automail port used to be attached. Turning his attention, almost trancelike, to Ed's leg, he traced the scars edging the port and flexed Ed's metal foot .

"It's your turn Al. How is this different from our promises?" Tears had started to stream down the young man's face. He turned to look at the house he had built for Winry and his expected children.

"Our house, the house I built to replace the one we burned down. But it's not the same because this is not a dream or a memory. I'm here and this is real." Ed tugged Al into an embrace an held him like when they were kids. He wiped away Al's tears and kissed him on the forehead, reminiscent of their mother when they were scared. After putting his shirt and jacket back on, he stood up.

"C'mon, Al. Let's get you home," he said in a firm, but warm tone. The two young men walked back to the house and said their goodnights.

Ed sat on the guest bed with a heavy sigh. _It's been a long night, I'm exhausted._ He didn't have time to think about the ache in his chest before falling asleep.

...

**Sunday**:

Street dust was blown from its many hiding places as tank-sized trucks rumbled by. With no main roads into Ishbal, it was essentially like off-roading. All of the troops were abuzz with last-minute travel preparations to Ishbal.

"Mornin' everyone," a familiar voice said from the door of Roy's temporary office. Ed leaned against the door jamb in full military uniform. "Major Edward Elric, reporting for duty. How long 'til we leave?" Everyone said good morning and the lieutenant colonel informed him that it would only be another thirty minutes until departure.

"Glad to see you're finally getting use out of that uniform, major. I thought you'd never grow into it," Roy said nonchalantly, successfully masking the lust in his voice at the sight—there was just something about _him_ in uniform. Ed quirked an eyebrow in annoyance, but chose a more peaceable route and quipped, "Well, I didn't want to be mistaken for a civilian and I make a much handsomer poster boy for the military than you do, old man."

"Hmph," the general snorted. "Well, don't just stand there pretty boy: make yourself useful. I'm sure the colonel has some work for you to do."

Riza stepped forward, "Yes, Edward, I do. You're the fastest typist on staff currently, please type up these letters and then give them to Captain Ross to send out." She handed him a sheaf of handwritten letters and without waiting for his answer, turned back to hovering over the general.

Ed sat down in front of the typewriter, put on his glasses, cracked his knuckles, and got to work. Twenty minutes later, Ed handed fifty letters to Maria. "Sealed and stamped," he said with a smile.

"Thank you, sir. You didn't have to do that," she said with genuine appreciation.

"Nah, it's no big deal," he yawned. He rubbed his eyes and stretched. "Man, I'm tired."

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" the captain offered.

"No thanks. I'll just sleep in the truck," he grinned.

"Major," the general said without looking up. "I would appreciate it if you didn't distract my team. Have you finished reading the case file I gave you?"

"You distract them more by hiding from work," he mumbled under his breath. This garnered a few snickers from around the office. "Yeah, I read it. Twice." He walked out of the office with his hands clasped behind his head and sighed, "What a drag." Outside, he saw Winry and Al walking towards him and waved.

"Hey, come to see me off?"

"Why wouldn't we?" Winry began haughtily, but then she smiled. "It's only natural, since you only visit when you absolutely have to."

"I'm a workin' man, geez," he said sheepishly.

"Brother, will you try to make it back for the holidays?"

"You betcha!" He added, "But only if you make stew."

"Great!" A loud bell rung throughout the area, signaling the departure time. Ed pulled Winry into an embrace. "I'll miss ya, Winry. Try not to overdo it, ok? Otherwise Al will worry himself into a heart attack."

"I promise." Ed turned to Al.

"Al."

"Brother." The two grinned at each other and an unspoken promise flashed between them before Al gave him a bear hug. "Al," Ed wheezed. "Can't…breathe…."

"Oh sorry, Brother! Be safe."

"Yup. I'll see ya later," he said before climbing onto the truck. Within minutes, it seemed as if he had never been there.

...

"Sir are you ready to go?" the lieutenant colonel asked.

"Yes, I'm ready," the general replied solemnly, but Riza could see the fire in his eyes. It was ambition and she was happy to see it return. Little did she know that part of that fire was his determination not to focus on his sore backside.

"You'll be riding alone, sir, but several people have requested audiences during the drive. There are three colonels, one lieutenant, and…Major Elric," Riza paused over his name, but continued. "They would all like to discuss accommodations except for Edward. He wants more details on what his function is in this operation." Her eyebrow arched ever so slightly, "You haven't told him sir?

"If I told him _exactly_ what his job would be, he would never have come. Please make sure he is the last one to see me."

"Permission to speak frankly, sir?"

"Yes, permission granted."

"Do you think this is wise? It seems as if you two already got into a fight last night. Edward will not appreciate being tricked."

The general touched his lip, "This? I think I may have referenced his height, or lack thereof after you left and he punched me. I miscalculated how long his reach was."

Riza shook her head in disbelief, "If he punches you again, I won't stop him or blame him."

"Understood, colonel."

...

Ed snapped awake as the truck went over a particularly large stone. The shaking jostled the young soldiers together as they joked over the roar of the engine. Although Ed was only a couple years older than the rest of them, he knew that few, if any, of them had seen combat. Young, naïve, and brought along to begin a new era of tolerance via the military._ I've lived most of my life as a dog._ He pulled out a plain, bronze pocket watch and flipped up the lid—they only had another thirty minutes before the truck began to slow down again. _I guess it's my turn_. As soon as the vehicle came to a stop, Ed hopped down into the dust and made his way towards the back. He met Hawkeye halfway to the general's truck.

"Edward, I only have one thing to say—try to be patient," she said.

"Uh, sure?" the blond said confusedly. Opening the door and sliding into the back seat took all of three seconds.

Roy noted that Ed always had a predator's grace about him. Having considered himself a part of that class, he wondered if he possessed the same dangerous air matched with such fluidity of motion. But he had no more time to think because that piercing golden gaze—intensified by the unforgiving sunlight—was on him, unwavering.

"Hello major," the general opened.

"Yeah, yeah. You know why I'm here, let's just get to what I want to know: what the hell am I supposed to be doing here?" Anger sharpened his tone more than he wanted, but he had a right to know.

"Hmph, as impatient as ever. You have no class, major." Ed didn't respond and scowled darkly.

"I see. I want you to lead the teams of alchemists in the rebuilding efforts."

"How is that gonna work? Some of them outrank me and I gave up practicing alchemy," the blond finished coolly. The choice of words wasn't lost on the general: Ed refused to acknowledge that his alchemy had been taken away; the only truth that existed was that he had made a choice not to have it.

"I thought about that, too; I can't have your subordinates pulling rank on you, now can I?" he smirked. "You've been promoted to full colonel. Congratulations, Colonel Elric."

"Save it. I never joined to be a career mutt and you know it. You're up to somethin'" he concluded suspiciously.

"Not at all, although here is a complete description of your title and duties," the general finished as he handed Ed a sheet of paper. Ed took out his reading glasses and read like a demon, honing in on the words "management", "coordination" and "approval."

"You gave me a desk job, general? I think you're tryin' to kill me." For some reason, Ed couldn't muster up the strength to be truly upset, so he resigned himself to his fate as a desk jockey.

"I am not trying to kill you, but I do need someone I can rely on as my second-in-command." Ed noticed how the general danced around the word 'trust'.

"I guess I don't really have a choice. I'm a dog, so I might as well obey like one," the youth said as he looked out of the window. It was strange to have such a large expanse framed by the interior of the truck. The clouds drifted by as they sped to their destination. Aureate eyes wandered over to the man sitting next to him and relished the muscular curve of his neck and the pale skin that would soon be sunburnt and red. Suddenly, the taste of Roy's skin ghosted in his mouth, making it water in anticipation. Roy finally noticed Ed's staring and stared back. _What is that in his eyes?_ Ed wondered as he licked his bottom lip. _Uncertainty_. _What would that cocky bastard have to be uncertain about? Taking me as his second-in-command or trying to make me his lover?_ The blond smirked as if at some private joke and Roy got the distinct feeling of being hunted.

The convoy traveled to the center of the capital of Ishbal, or what was left of it: most of the buildings were in crumbling ruins, the sense of desolation only intensified by the lack of any living beings, human or animal. No greenery had survived. Ed drank it all in with disgust and, squaring his shoulders, he set to work. Sending the engineers out in teams to survey the area while he focused on creating a military base. Picking the six most central buildings, he gave one of the alchemists under his command a transmutation circle to imprint on the ground to surround them. It's major structural lines were bold and simple, but the inner lines and circles and symbols were delicate like the movement of a fine watch. He directed three more alchemists to stand at the other demarcated points. Once they were all in place he gave the order to put their hands down. In a matter of seconds a small version of Central Command lay in the center, but it had distinct Ishbalan influences in the architectural details and color of the stone.

"Very nicely done, colonel," a deep voice said behind his back. Ed turned to see his CO smirking as usual.

"Well, I _am_ kind of a genius. It's the reason why you wanted me here in the first place," he said before eyeing Roy's mouth. "How's the lip?" He didn't really care, but there was nothing else he wanted to discuss with the man.

"It's fine. Hawkeye believes that you punched me in the face, although that would never happen."

"And why is that? And I'd choose my words carefully if I were you—I might really punch you in the face and you'll get more than just a busted lip," he warned distractedly as he drew another transmutation circle on a slip of paper. Roy considered disclosing his fake loss in their last match or making a quip about Ed's height. Before he could make a decision, something large rumbled and a cloud of dust and smoke billowed to the east.

"Fuck, what're those idiots doing!" Ed shouted before taking off in the direction of the blast. The general corralled the paramedics and hitched a ride in one of the ambulances.

One of the more derelict buildings had finally given into gravity as some engineers were surveying the area. Unfortunately, one was trapped underneath a large pile of rubble, only saved by the fact that the large broken slabs uncannily fell into a pyramid shape. Ed stood there helplessly. Having been in the middle of life and death situations since he was a kid, it was instinct for him to rush in to save the day, but without alchemy he was just an ordinary man with a brilliant mind for a science he could no longer use. He jogged over to the other engineers to find out what happened. It wasn't long before the other engineer was dug out and the ambulances arrived. Sighing, Ed realized that he had done all he could do and should go call in the other teams before something like this happened again. _I'm gonna have to have a meeting about this, dammit. There goes my day._ Anger and frustration consumed him at his uselessness as he strode back in the direction of the command center.

When he got back to his desk, he tried to create agendas for all of the meetings that were going to eat up the rest of his week. _Bureaucratic bullshit._ But it was necessary if he was going to protect the people that worked under him from avoidable mishaps like that one today. He called in his secretary, a petite brunette with lively green eyes, and told her to issue a recall of all the teams out in the field.

"Right away sir."

"I also need you to schedule a meeting for this afternoon with the lead engineer, head architect, General Mustang, Lieutenant Colonel Armstrong, and Dr. Marcoh," he finished.

"Of course sir."

"Thank you Lieutenant Ricard."

Ed took in his surroundings and shook his head. It was strange being in the general's former position. He knew his subordinates by name, but hadn't really gotten the chance to get to know them well. Agendas forgotten, Ed swiveled his chair to face the window, searching for answers. Half-way through a daydream about the National Library, a sharp rap on his door brought him back to reality. Spinning around, Ed was unsurprised at the sight of the general in his office.

"Afternoon, general. What can I do for you?" Ed asked tiredly. He didn't have the energy to be snarky after the full weight of his position had finally sunk in.

"Being civil? Something must really be wrong," the general smirked.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not talk about it."

"You've always been too sensitive to death, which is interesting considering that you work for the military."

"I'm sorry if I don't like it when people around me are in danger for no good reason," he ground out. "Change the subject, Mustang. Now."

Roy closed the door to the inner office and locked it before turning around. "I actually came to see what your plan of action is. What the higher ups devised in central won't work, there are too many risk factors unaccounted for." Ed was surprised and grateful that the general did as he asked, normally he was like a dog, pursuing any bone he could chew on.

"I believe my secretary already contacted Hawkeye about a meeting later. Besides, I don't have any fully formed solutions yet. So why are you really here?"

"I came to see you." Lust danced in those coal black eyes and set Ed's groin on fire. Being hungered after so ferociously was a turn on—it indicated a level of passion that few people ever reached.

"I'm not in the mood," he said, trying and failing to put finality in his tone. Exasperated fingers raked through blonde bangs as Ed tried to keep his cool. He really didn't have time for this. "Get out, Mustang. I have too much—_umph!_" Roy silenced his protest with a kiss. Without waiting for permission, he darted his hot tongue inside and forced submission from Ed. Pain shot through the left side of Roy's face and knocked him on his ass. Ed was still in his chair, panting, legs askew, ponytail coming loose. He shook his hand to relieve the pain, while glaring at Mustang. Those golden orbs looked askance. "What the fuck, you stupid bastard?"

"I see the spitfire is back. While I would like to take you on that desk, I need you to work first. Destroy those unnecessary emotions, colonel, and get the job done," he finished seriously. "You don't have time to mope about shit like this; it happens too often. And I have only two years to whip this territory into a civilized trading point." He stood up and straightened his jacket, "Don't make me waste another minute babying _you_." Ed set his face in a scowl and watched as the general left his office. With a new fire in his belly, he completed all of his agendas before lunchtime.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Please review!_


	4. It's my birthday

_A/N: Again, yaoi warnings. Enjoy!_

* * *

><p><strong>It's my birthday.<strong>

As luck would have it, Ed was ahead of schedule by the holiday season. Hunched over his desk, he was reading the petition from the Ishbalan leaders about the upcoming resettlement process and human rights issues. He agreed with every point, but wasn't sure how much of it he could push through. Taking off his glasses, he rubbed his eyes and let out a jaw-cracking yawn. A sigh escaped his lips when he saw what time it was. _It's late._ He had already sent most of his staff home and was about to dismiss his secretary, when she burst into his office.

"Sir, come quick! We have a bit of a problem."

"What's goin' on Mira?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but I know fighting has broken out in the mess hall!"

"Great," he groaned before running out of the office. He couldn't hear any sound coming from within the heavy oak doors and was immediately suspicious. Approaching slowly, he opened the door, gun in hand. He flung up an arm against the light that was suddenly turned on and gaped at the "Surprise!" that greeted him.

All of his subordinates and everyone from General Mustang's office was there, even Dr. Marcoh and Lt. Colonel Armstrong. Gold and red streamers decorated the hall and a big "Happy Birthday Colonel!" was strung up over one of the center tables. It was laden with food, a big chocolate cake, and Amestrian-blue-wrapped presents. Before he could say anything, a familiar voice called, "Brother!"

"Al? Al!" Ed yelled before the two embraced. He pulled away to look over his younger brother's shoulder before asking, "Where's Winry?"

"She's still in Resembool, but she really wanted to be here. The doctor says it's too risky to travel because," He paused dramatically before continuing," She's having twins! A boy _and_ a girl! But we should talk later, right now it's time to celebrate!" he said warmly. Everyone else was moving towards him and wishing him a happy birthday.

Feasting ensued immediately after a loud, off-key round of the happy birthday song. After Ed had tucked into his second bowl of stew, courtesy of Al, Roy stood up and raised his glass.

"I'd like to make a toast to Colonel Elric. Excellent work over the last six months and happy birthday." All of the partiers gave raucous sounds of approval and took a swig of their drinks, mostly of the adult kind, and went back to the food. It wasn't long before everyone was singing drinking songs around a shirtless and flexing Armstrong. During the commotion, Al sat down next Ed and asked, "Having fun?"

"Heh, yeah, the most fun in a while. It's been long time since I've celebrated like this, although I think they're all getting more out of the party than I am."

"They are a….lively bunch, aren't they?" Al said sheepishly. "I didn't know they'd get so worked up over your birthday."

"_You_ told them about my birthday?"

"Well, not exactly, I told General Mustang. Actually, I only asked if you could come home early for the holidays to celebrate, but he suggested this instead."

"That bastard," Ed said somewhat affectionately. He glanced at Roy, noticing the purple smudges under his eyes and the blue hollows in his cheeks. _I probably look the same_. The past six months hadn't been easy: convincing the higher-ups to let the Ishbalans have a direct influence on the reconstruction, keeping morale up, and making sure that they stayed with their timeline. They had lost two soldiers in another bad collapse and fighting had broken out between the soldiers and the Ishbalans that had come to help with the construction work. Their work force was also spread thin as they had begun to build main roads from Ishbal to Resembool, Youswell, and East City. That meant fewer resources for Ed to allocate to the actual rebuilding of the city and with the resettlement process about to start, it was about to get really complicated, especially with a few insurgents still running loose. But Al's voice was trying to interject into Ed's swirling thoughts.

"Brother? Hey, Brother?"

"Huh, what is it Al?"

Al gave him a look. "Don't look at me like that, Al. You know I've gotta lot of work to do. I don't have time to baby myself."

"That doesn't mean you have to work yourself into an early grave. You look exhausted and like you haven't eaten in days." Truth be told, he hadn't been eating much, but he just had too much to do.

"Don't worry, Al. I'm fine. I don't wanna talk about this right now, it's my birthday." It came out colder than he intended and Ed's gut twisted with guilt as soon as he said it. Shame burned him when he saw the hurt look on Al's face. _He's only worried about me._ "Sorry. I didn't mean it that way."

"I know. I just—"

"—Worry about me," Ed finished. That got him a smile. "I'll try to take better care of myself, at least better enough so that you only have to worry about Winry and my soon-to-be niece and nephew. By the way have you decided on names?"

"Yeah! We're naming the boy Charles Edward, after you and the girl Liesel Trisha, after mom," he said excitedly. Ed blushed, he was actually touched. "Wow, Al, thanks."

Al leaned his forehead against Ed's. "You don't have to thank me, Brother."

"You two are quite the pair," Mustang said. His girlfriend added, "But aren't they cute, Roy! It's obvious you too are close." She smiled, "I don't think I've had the pleasure of meeting the birthday boy yet. I'm Chief Warrant Officer Vivica Corléon, but you can call me Viv. It's nice to finally meet you, Colonel Elric." The voluptuous young woman had honey-brown eyes and blonde hair swept back in a French braid.

"Call me Ed and it's nice to meet you, too," he said warmly. He had known Roy was dating someone, but he was a bit shocked at her coloring. _And you tell me to be subtle_. He thought he caught a flash of disappointment in Roy's eyes before the mask of geniality was back in place. _Did he think I was gonna be mean to her, or somethin'? What a child._ But he felt a certain lightness in his chest about Roy wanting to make him jealous. They were still having sex and still leaving each other before dawn, using the fire generated from their sessions to keep the overwhelming stress, loneliness, and frustration at bay. _Just two dogs licking each other's wounds. He probably only got me a birthday present so that he wouldn't look suspicious. Stupid bastard, he always looks suspicious_. Again, Ed's thoughts were interrupted, this time by Havoc falling off of the table trying to pounce on Mira.

"Geez, I almost forgot about all of them. How in the hell are we gonna get them back to the barracks?"

"Let me handle it," the general said. "Troops! Line up!" All of the merrymaking suddenly stopped as the merrymakers tried, and largely failed, to line up. Mira was still figuring out which end would be best stand on, when Roy barked, "Drag your butts back to the barracks! Double-time!" Ed tried to suppress his laughter at the sight: Armstrong had five of his officers following him like ducklings and Havoc was getting dizzy trying to follow both Mira and Lt. Ross at the same time. The rest of the group was moving, albeit slowly and constantly tripping. Finally, they were all out of the hall.

"Man, they're all gonna be in a world of pain tomorrow," Ed laughed. "What was in the punch anyway?"

"Just a bottle of rum, but they haven't been able to drink in months. It's not like there are any bars here and the mess hall certainly doesn't have any liquor," Roy explained. "But I must be going, colonel. It was nice seeing you, Alphonse. Give my best to Winry."

"It was nice seeing you too, general. It was nice meeting you Ms. Corléon," Al said politely.

"Goodnight, Alphonse, the pleasure was all mine. I'll see you around, Ed," she said before taking Roy's arm. The two disappeared beyond the oak doors and Al turned to his brother. The two looked around the mess hall and sighed in unison. Fifteen minutes later and most of the mess was cleaned up, even though the decorations were still up.

"Eh, leave'em. Those idiots can clean it up tomorrow."

"Need any help with the presents?"

"Nah, they're all pretty small, I should be able to get'em. By the way, Al, I only have one bed. It's big enough for the two of us, but I can sleep on the couch," he offered while gathering up all the still-wrapped boxes. His living quarters were spacious, but they were still suited for only one person.

"We can sleep in the same bed, I don't mind. Besides it's pretty cold out anyway."

"Ok. Oh, I need to go lock up the office, I was in the middle of paperwork when you guys surprised me. Go on ahead, I'll meet you at the dorm."

"Ok, but give me those," Al said and took the boxes away from Ed's overflowing arms. The colonel walked briskly back to his office. Someone was sitting at his desk and a feeling of alarm stole over him. Stepping quietly, he made his away to the inner door.

"Who are you?" The chair swiveled around revealing Roy Mustang.

"Damn, do you always have to be such a sneaky bastard? I thought you went back to the dorm already. Or at least back to Viv's," he said nonchalantly.

"She lives in an all-female dorm; no men allowed. Not even for visits," he smirked. Ed closed the door to his office, no one was here, but you could never be too careful. Roy continued, "I've considered your brother's request to let you leave early and while I'm happy to honor it, I think I would like something in return to carry me through the days you're gone." Ed knew where this was going and immediately began to unbutton his white shirt after turning off the light.

"Okay, but let's make it quick, Al's waiting for me at the dorm. Bottom or top?"

"Top."

"Heh heh, more work for you then." Ed was completely naked now and his muscular figure was well accented by the moonlight streaming through the window. "There's lube in the bottom drawer," he offered, but knew what Roy wanted. So he sauntered over to where Roy was sitting, pants pooled around his ankles and shirt undone, and knelt. The older man sighed breathily in anticipation and spread his knees, allowing the blond better access to his throbbing erection. He pulled the tie out of Ed's hair and relished the feel of it against his thighs. It was the color of white gold in the moonlight, giving Ed an even starker Palomino coloring. A moan bubbled from his lips when he felt that desired mouth begin to suck. The heat was intense and after only a minute, Roy gleamed under a fine sheen of sweat. Ed's agile tongue stroked the bottom of his shaft from the base up before wrapping around his head. It cradled him when Ed began to deep throat his cock. The glorious slickness of the youth's throat drove him mad, so he fisted his hand in Ed's hair and began to fuck his mouth. Moans, deep-chested and reverberating, made Roy's pace quicken and he almost came before remembering that the main course hadn't been served. Ed smacked his hand away as Roy searched for the lube.

Reaching into the bottom drawer, Roy rummaged for the promised bottle of lube and squirted a generous amount onto himself; Ed wanted it done quickly, so he wasn't going to waste time with preparation. Unwilling to wait for him, Ed had gotten up and leaned over the desk, surreptitiously moving his important documents to the other side. Roy stood and placed the tip of his cock against the blond's entrance and didn't wait for the usual nod before sliding in.

"Fuck," Ed hissed in pain, but he didn't want Roy to stop; his brother was waiting for him. The black-haired man savored the tight heat that was Ed. It took all of his control not pound the man into the desk right then. He wound Ed's hair around one fist and pulled back just enough so that Ed's torso was strung taught as a bow, ignoring the grunt of discomfort.

"I hope you're ready," Roy whispered and pulled out and slammed back in. Ed saw stars dance across his eyes and moaned. He liked getting it rough almost as much as he liked giving it. Breath was barely in his lungs before Roy slammed into him again and again, each time picking up the pace. The office was filled with Ed's gasps and wordless pleas, Roy's occasional growls, and the desk scraping against the floor.

"Shit Roy, fuck me right there!" Ed gasped when Roy hit his prostate. The older man was happy to oblige causing the blond to spew curses with each thrust. Contractions around his cock signaled him that Ed was ready to blow, so he grabbed the younger man's swollen member and squeezed it at the base painfully to prevent him from coming. "Beg!" he commanded fiercely. Golden eyes flashed at him in refusal.

"Fine, have it your way." Just because he wouldn't beg, didn't mean Ed could keep everything locked up. Moans and outright whines spilled from his lips as his release was kept at bay. It made Roy smile in triumph, but that was quickly wiped away with the mask of his own pleasure as he exploded inside of Ed. When he let pulled out, come oozed down the muscular thigh and Ed looked at him in contempt. Tying his hair up quickly, Ed wasted no time getting dressed again and managed to tuck his erection into the waist of his trousers.

"Happy holidays, colonel," Roy finished wickedly and kissed the mouth that had given him so much pleasure earlier, raping it with his tongue. Ed had half a mind to bite it, but it felt too good.

"Fuck you," Ed tried to say fiercely, despite being winded and left, fuming.

"You already have," Roy said smugly.

Ed didn't worry about locking up: Though Roy Mustang was being a total bastard, he would still never do anything so stupid to jeopardize their project. He would've shivered in the cold night air, but his body was still burning up from the sex. Running as normally as possible, given his situation, Ed made his way around the back of central command to where the officers' dorm was. He practically gave Al a heart attack when he burst into his suite.

"Brother! Where have you be—" Al's question was cut off by the slam of the bathroom door. He could hear the shower turn on and smiled. He'd just wait, but it wasn't long until he could hear gasps and not quite muted moans coming from within since the door hadn't closed all of the way. Al blushed as images of Ed touching himself, dripping wet in the shower floated across his mind. He tried to absorb himself in his book when thoughts of _him_ touching Ed floated across his mind. Soon a low "Oh, fuck" wafted into the room with the steam. When Al had finally calmed down enough to check on his older brother, he was only mildly surprised to find the blond sitting in a full, steamy bath with his chin resting on his arm. He sat down on the ledge of the tub and waited for Ed to speak first.

"Sorry for scaring you earlier." He sounded tired, much more so than when Al had left him in the command center.

"It's alright, Brother. Everything ok?"

"Yeah, I realized that I had left a few more papers to sign and I just wanted to get them out of the way," Ed lied.

"You shouldn't lie to me, Brother," Al chided. "Signing papers doesn't make you…." He trailed off and blushed deep crimson.

"Heh, you heard me?" Al nodded silently. "I've gotta learn to make sure the door is closed." Awkward silence filled the tiled room until Al asked:

"So who is it?"

"Nobody I wanna talk about," Ed replied and shifted his gaze to the floor.

"It's General Mustang, isn't it?" Al asked softly and Ed only nodded, unwilling to look into his baby brother's face. The younger Elric placed his hand on top of the older one's damp head in reassurance.

"I'm sorry, Al."

"What for?"

"I should've stopped once he started dating that woman. I mean, I've known about her since the beginning…." Emotion thickened Ed's voice. "I'm putting my whole unit at risk, this whole project."

"So what's stopping you, Brother?" It hurt Al to see his brother like this, especially since Ed was always the one to put on a brave face.

"It's the loneliness, Al," Ed finally looked up into his brother's compassionate face. "I've always had you by my side, until these past couple of years. And the desert nights are so quiet. Sometimes I just need….need…" His voice trailed off, but Al knew what he meant.

"I understand, Brother." He got up and got two towels, slinging one over his shoulder and stretching the other between two hands until Ed climbed out of the tub and walked into it. Al leaned and undid the plug in the bath, the gurgle of the drain filling the room while Al dried Ed's hair. The two brushed their teeth together and then he took Ed by the hand and led him to the bed and sat him down. Digging in the drawers, Al found a set of black pajamas and tossed them to Ed before he looked for the blond's comb. Ed was silent, but obedient, a rare moment and indicative of his vulnerable state.

"Can you sit on the floor, Brother?" Ed nodded and wrapped his arms around his knees. Al sat on the bed behind him and began to comb Ed's hair, smiling when his older brother sighed and some of the tension left his shoulders.

"You've gotten really blond, Brother."

"I know, it's all the hours in the sun making sure everything gets done. My secretary says I look like a...palomino."

"She's right. Try not to squirm, Brother, I'm almost through this knot."

"I can't help it, it hurts," Ed whined. When Al successfully detangled the strands, Ed relaxed again. "I still like it when you do my hair, Al. It reminds me of old times and it always makes me feel better." Al could hear the gentle smile in Ed's voice and smiled too. He parted the heavy, gold hair and began braiding, trying not to tug on the blond's head too much.

"All done."

"Thanks, Al. You're the best," Ed said before climbing on the bed.

"You're welcome, now get under the covers," Al ordered gently before turning off the light and climbing in behind Ed. He wrapped his arms around his brother and pulled him close and was rewarded with a contented sigh. "How is that, Brother? Are you comfortable?" He whispered. He couldn't help but nuzzle his face into the nape of Ed's neck. It sort of reminded him of Winry, but with Ed's smell, which he loved.

"Yeah, thanks Al," Ed mumbled. "You're… the… best…" Sleep finally overtook Ed.

_Good night, Brother_.

...

Roy walked to his suite slowly, almost dreading the empty bed that awaited him even though he was exhausted. He hadn't meant to take it that far, but something just came over him. Whenever Ed mentioned his brother, it was like a thorny vine had snaked through his intestines and was squeezing him. He didn't know what he was jealous of, it _was_ just his younger brother. Maybe it had been the disappointment that Ed hadn't risen to his flaunting a woman on his arm. _Get a grip Mustang._ A pale fist clenched until the knuckles whitened. A voice was whispering something sweet in the back of his head, but the general pushed it away. There was a large chance that he'd marry Viv, so it didn't matter. Opening the door to his suite, he turned on the light and took in the Spartan environment. Trying not to think, he closed the door and started to get undressed for the second time that night. _What am I doing?_ Suddenly, he thought of Hughes and slammed his fist against the wall. A bitter laugh escaped his throat at the joke he had become. _I can't live with him and I can't live without him. I hate being a cliché._

The black-haired man moved slowly to the bathroom and turned on the shower. A false hope that it would make him feel better was shattered as the hot water only seemed to beat him down. Ed's golden gaze, fierce with contempt, burned his into mind. _Nothing good will come of this, I must end this game._ But the lonely nights without Ed were almost too much to bear. Although they had never slept in the same bed, Roy secretly cherished their brief entanglements. There were times when he was intentionally cold just make sure that they _both_ understood their agreement. But Ed did the same, often blowing him off to finish paperwork, even late at night and that made him livid. Viv's face flashed in his mind, _she looks nothing like him, except for the coloring and even that's pushing it_. She was a normal woman with normal goals, nothing exceptional at all about her. _They're nothing alike at all._ The water was running cold now, so he turned it off and almost fell out of the shower. Hands filled with terry cloth moved perfunctorily in their efforts to dry Roy's body. A part of him unwillingly thought of Ed with his beloved brother. He envied Al. A line from an old poem drifted through his mind. _Cut me open right now, my bones would be the deepest green. _Throwing himself on the bed, he welcomed the black that overtook him.

...

Early the next morning, Al woke up to Ed curled against his chest and smiled. He smoothed Ed's bangs back from his face. _He looks so innocent and peaceful when he sleeps_. A frown passed over Al's lips as he thought about Mustang and the night before. The blond slipped out of bed so as not to disturb the sleeping form and padded across the room to dress. He had something to take care of. Casting a loving glance over at his brother, Al closed the door quietly behind him.

It didn't take him long to find the general's suite and he hesitated before knocking loudly on the dark wood door. He could hear paper rustle and the scrape of a chair before the door opened. Roy blinked at him in confusion, but his mask of detached politeness returned in seconds.

"Good morning, Alphonse. What can I do for you?"

"Hello, General Mustang. Is it alright if I speak with you? It's about Brother." The determination that glimmered in his eyes looked strikingly like Ed's. It made Roy uneasy, but he kept his voice level as he gave his assent. The general motioned to an armchair and sat in its twin on the other side of a small, round table.

"General, I don't know how to say this tactfully, so I'll just come right out with it: I want you to stop seeing Brother." Roy was speechless until that green anger flared. He narrowed his eyes at the younger Elric.

"Why? He comes willingly enough on his own." Al's face flushed, clearly the double entendre wasn't lost on him, but he wasn't done yet.

"Stop it. This…situation is killing him. He doesn't deserve this and you're hurting Viv!" Al exclaimed.

Roy gave a harsh bark of laughter, "Hah! Viv is just another conniving woman looking for the coattails of a powerful man to ride on. Not everyone can live in some bullshit fairytale ending." He closed his eyes and added, "Not everyone is as _lucky_ as you and Winry." Al winced at that last comment. It was well known that at one point, Winry had been in love with Ed and Ed had almost returned her feelings. Until he found out that Al was in love with her and, as always, put his brother first by stepping aside and burying himself in his work and research. Al didn't look away, instead his usually placid face was replaced with a scowl.

"Fine. But I'm not giving up. I won't let you hurt him anymore," Al said as he stood up. He closed the door softly behind him and bit back the anger. By the time he returned to Ed's room, his usual calm expression was in place and it broke into a smile when he saw Ed sitting up in bed yawning and rubbing his eyes. He was still pink from sleep, that coupled with him sitting alone in the large bed made him look like a child.

"Al? Where'd you go?" Ed asked sleepily.

"Morning, Brother. I had to make a phone call." Ed was still too groggy to remember that he had a phone in his room. "Come on sleepy head, it's time to get up," Al said playfully while pulling the heavy comforter off the bed.

"Alright, alright. I'm up, I'm up." Ed gave another big yawn and blinked back tears.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yep, best sleep in ages. It's probably 'cause you're a human furnace, Al," he said matter-of –factly and changed from his oversized pajamas to a fitted, long-sleeve shirt and a pair of loose slacks. "I'm workin' out, so go ahead and get breakfast if you're hungry."

"Can I come spar with you, Brother?"

Unable to deny his baby brother anything, not even his rare private time, he grinned, "Yeah sure, but I'm warnin' ya: I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"No way! I always beat you and I still can."

"Alright, we'll see."

A yell from the parade grounds caught Roy's attention in his office. Soldiers in various forms of dress were cheering on two fighters. His groin immediately recognized the tanned, lithe figure of Ed and soon realized that the other, slightly larger, young man was Alphonse. He was giving Ed a run for his money, but he didn't have the speed that he used to when he was armor and Ed was in better shape. The brothers were grinning fiercely and laughing, even in the midst of their spectacular performance as they met with fists and broke away with whirling kicks. Despite having the opportunity to use Ed's long hair against him, Al never played that trick although it would've have certainly won him the match. After thirty minutes of flashy, but fruitless, combat, the two were sitting on either ends of the circle, bare chests noticeably heaving, even at Roy's distance. _Time for me to be a nuisance._ It was still pretty early in the morning, so he didn't have to explain why he was practically running down the hall.

Squinting in the sunlight, he waited until his eyes adjusted and smoothed his hair before walking towards the cheering crowd. As the soldiers noticed the general, they saluted. Roy supposed he could've told them to stand down, but he wouldn't have been able to get the crowd under control as effectively. By the time he made it to the front, it was silent. The only ones who hadn't noticed him were the Elric brothers. Roy felt the vine begin to twist. They were still going at it, each trying to take the other out with one blow before dancing apart to catch their breaths. Both of their hardened bodies dripped with sweat, making each sculpted plane shine in the early sunlight. Al flicked his eyes in Roy's direction, but made no effort to stop the fight.

"Hey…Al…all eyes on ME!" Ed panted while moving in and successfully connecting his left fist to Al's side.

"Ugh!" the younger Elric let out before falling flat on his back. Ed wavered before falling in the dirt right next to him, both of them gasping for air. Simultaneously, the two burst out laughing.

"Soldiers, move out!" The general barked.

"Sir, yes sir!" It wasn't long before it was only the three of them. The general clapped slowly, "Very entertaining. I'm sure it will keep the boys talking for the rest of the week."

Ed sat up and spat in the dirt and then glared. "What the fuck do you want, Mustang?"

"Crude as ever. I came to wish my second-in-command happy holidays," he said innocently. "But before you leave there is a final report I need you finish up, so that the higher-ups keep their noses in Central."

"Yeah, I'll get to it after breakfast." Ed pushed himself up and turned to help Al. "Haha! I got ya good this time. Wait until Winry hears about this!"

"You can't tell her, Brother, I'll never live it down!"

"You shoulda thought about that before asking to come out here. Just the accept the fact that you got your ass handed to you by your genius brother," Ed said cockily. Al shook his head in resignation. Irritated that he had been blown off, Roy interjected, "Oh and Colonel, we'll need to discuss that report as soon as you finish." The sun caught Ed's eyes so they glowed like a cat's when he glared at Roy, "I heard you the first time, _general_."

_Good_. Roy smirked and watched as the two dragged themselves to the officers' dormitory.

...

"So what are you going to do, Brother?" Al asked solemnly. He watched as his bespectacled brother's fingers flew on the bulky black typewriter. They hovered for a moment as Ed thought about it and then quickly resumed their work.

"I'm gonna turn in this report, Al. It's my job after all." Whipping out a fresh sheet of paper, Ed sighed as he rolled it in. He pushed is glasses up his nose and began typing again.

Al prodded, "You know what I mean."

"Yes, Alphonse, I know exactly what you mean, but I don't really have an answer, so could ya just drop it." Blond brows furrowed in frustration as he made a mistake, "Dammit!" He took off his glasses and leaned his forehead on the back of his wrist. "I'll find a way to end it. As much as I hate being a dog, this mission is important to me. I can't fuck up now." The two sat in silence, the typewriter clacking away happily. Neither of the men were convinced of Ed's resolve when he left his office to deliver the report. Al watched reluctantly as that familiar blond braid swished out the door.

Ed's footsteps became hesitant as he approached the general's door. It was quiet in the outer office: Roy had already sent his staff home to celebrate with their families. Proverbially kicking himself for acting like a virginal grade-school girl, Ed opened the door without knocking.

"Here's the report," he said as he tossed the document on the general's desk. When he was met with a wall of bemused silence, he turned to exit, not daring to hope that he could just leave. _This is fuckin' ridiculous, I should just smash his face in and go._ But they both knew they were far beyond that point; their fighting always turned into rough sex.

"I didn't dismiss you, colonel." Ed's hand slipped off the door knob.

"Yeah." The blond whipped his head around and smirked, "You'd never let me go that easily."

"I want to make this good…for both of us," Roy said huskily. He smirked at the look of surprise on Ed's face and crossed the room quickly to take advantage of it. Slowly wrapping his arms around the blond's waist, he whispered, "We've been far too rough, lately." His mouth made love to Ed's earlobe, sucking and nipping. By the time he got to licking the blond's galloping pulse, soft moans dripped from the younger man's lips and his hips moved in a slow grind against Roy's. Arms hesitatingly moved to encircle the black-haired man's back and large gold eyes slit in pleasure.

"Why the…sudden change?" Roy stopped suckling a bronzed collar bone and brushed his lips teasingly over Ed's.

"It's nice to do it this way, too." The older man trailed kisses along Ed's jaw until he got to the corner of Ed's mouth, which after a pause, opened willingly. The blond slid his hand into glossy black hair and deepened the kiss. Their normal power struggle became a passionate game, both allowing the other to plumb and taste what they wanted. In that moment, Ed knew that Roy had won; all protestations about their situation were burned away in the feverish heat that consumed him. Roy knew he had won as well. He could be the most giving of lovers when he tried and he was definitely trying today. Slowly, so as not to trip the blond and break the spell, he backed Ed against his desk and lifted him on to one end of it. Breaking their lip lock, Roy took in Ed's reddened face and lust-hazed eyes. White teeth dragged over an already swollen bottom lip in want_._

_Damn, he's beautiful._ But Roy had no time to think as those nimble typist fingers flew over gold buttons and it was only a minute until the older man had been stripped to the waist with his pants undone and barely clinging to his hips. Ed gave a shuddering sigh at the sight of Roy's thick cock. For the first time since that fateful night in Resembool, Ed allowed Roy to undress him.

Cool, pale hands slid up the blond's sides, taking the black sweater with them as the younger man kicked off his shoes. Another passionate kiss widened Ed's knees, while he unbuttoned the top of the blond's pants. Roy meandered down Ed's chest, peppering kisses until he reached the thin blond trail that continued under the waistband of black slacks. Ed was breathing harder now, anticipation making his muscles tense. Roy smirked as he used his teeth to pull down the zipper, using his hand to push the blond into a half-reclining position before pulling off his pants entirely. Hips bucked involuntarily as that smirk opened to mouth Ed through his thin boxers. Roy teased him, nipping and massaging, until Ed was flat on his back, huffing like a race horse.

"Roy…please stop…fuckin' around," the blond panted to no avail as Roy's hot tongue swiped a path up his chest. _So I _can_ get you to beg._ Soon, another kiss threatened to drown him as the older man undid the blond's braid and tangled his fingers in the thick hair at the base of his neck. Ed clamped his legs around Roy's waist, the cool metal sending shivers up the well-toned back. Roy reached between them and shimmied Ed's boxers down enough to free his erection and began to pump, hard and slow. Ed arched into Roy's touch, a deep throated "Oh fuck!" escaping him.

The sunlight streaming onto the desk made the blonde glow like some divine being and Roy stamped every detail of that ethereal vision into his brain. _She can't compare to his brilliance._ Adoration flooded through him and nearly cleaned away the gangrenous thoughts that had festered since Al's arrival. Until his eyes caught the time and he was reminded that Al was taking him away soon. Roy hid his frown by latching on to one of Ed's nipples. He was rewarded with a loud gasp as Ed tossed his head to the side at the new wave of sensory overload. _He's close_. Picking up the pace elicited loud, unhindered moans until Ed took a deep breath and came, long and hard, but no rest awaited him as Roy pulled off his boxers entirely and spread his legs. Coating his fingers in the slick come, Roy pushed one, then two into the blond's tightness. When he brushed against the youth's prostate, Ed rolled his hips wantonly.

"So needy," the older man commented.

"Shut. Up." But the words had no force behind them. Those wonderful fingers withdrew, replaced by a something thick and hot hovering near his entrance. Weak with desire, Ed's flush deepened as he whorishly pushed his ass towards Roy's erection, making it breach him. Roy took control from there, slowly sliding in until he was completely sheathed. He slid a hand under Ed's neck with his thumb on Ed's pulse and gripped the other hand on the back of the blond's thigh as he began to move with smooth strokes. Thanking the heavens for Ed's feline-pliable body, he leaned in to suck the tanned neck and began thrusting harder.

"Fuck…please…" was all Ed could manage between groans as he held on to the edges of the desk for dear life. Part of him was scared of what was happening, but he couldn't think straight, everything was clouded with sex and lust. He almost didn't want to leave…

A bottle fell on the ground and the ringing clang was like a bucket of water to the face. A blond woman with brown eyes stood shocked in the doorway.

"Riza!" Roy panicked. He scrambled to pull up his pants when Riza did an about face and strode out of the office. Shirtless, he took off after her. Ed didn't move for a while. Tears streamed from the corners of his eyes as he threw his arm over them to block out the sun. Slowly he got up and dressed. By the time his sweater was over his head, Roy was back, sitting on the leather couch against the wall. Ed bent down, hair falling in a gold curtain around his face, and picked up the beribboned bottle of scotch and set it on the desk.

"She won't say anything."

"I know," Ed replied softly. "I'll be back early Monday morning. Please let me know if you have any questions about that report, general." The door clicked as Ed pulled it behind him. He searched the cathedral grain for answers when he heard a roar and something large crash against a wall. But none came, so he made his way down the empty halls to the main entrance. The lieutenant colonel stood there, her piercing eyes fixing him in place.

"Colonel Hawkeye, I—" He was cut off by a slap across the face. Looking her in the eyes, he muttered, "I deserved that." Another slap caught him by surprise and this time he glared at her until he saw a tear roll down her cheek.

"Don't deserve it. Remember why you came here."

_I feel dirty._

* * *

><p><strong><em>Please review!<em>**


	5. Cry

_A/N: Warning: Slight Elricest below. You've been warned!_

* * *

><p><strong>Cry.<strong>

Al put down his book when he heard the key in the suite door. He took in everything at once: the disheveled hair, the tear stains, and the angry red handprint.

"What happened Brother?" Al exclaimed. He jumped up from his chair and crossed the small lounge area in two steps and placed his hands on his brother's sagging shoulders.

"Al…" Ed whispered. A quivering fist clenched Al's shirt. "Al…I'm such an idiot."

Al agreed, but he could sympathize and Ed was his big brother; he needed him right now. Sighing sadly, Al hugged his brother close. He wished there was some other way he could comfort Ed because he wouldn't lie to make him feel better. The shoulder of his shirt was soaked now, but the room was silent as if Ed believed crying should be as quiet as his falling tears. Unable to take anymore, Al pulled Ed away from him, turned up his chin, and kissed him. It was sweet and chaste and loving. Maybe it was because he simply wanted some affection or that he couldn't think clearly, regardless, Ed didn't break away. When their lips parted, Al wiped his older brother's tears away and hooked his blond hair behind his ears. Pushing his bangs back, he kissed his forehead.

"I'm glad you stopped crying." A ghost of his usual feral grin widened Ed's lips.

"Well, you kinda caught me off guard, Al."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do. I hate seeing you this upset, so I—"

"It's ok, Al. Thanks." Ed walked into the bedroom and squatted to pull out his suitcase. "We better get going if we wanna get into town early." He ran his hands over the worn leather and scuffed metal corners. Ten minutes later he was packed and pulling on his overcoat. "Al, you ready to go?"

"Yep, all set. I'll go get the car. Wait for me out front." After Al left, Ed realized he forgot his toothbrush and went to go get it and caught his reflection in the mirror. He looked at himself every day to shave, but he never really _looked_ at himself, at least, not since his automail had been attached. His face had lost its childlike roundness, a square chin and high cheekbones made it more angular and mature. He still had the eyes of a wild animal, but now from the kind that had been captive for too long and yearned for freedom. His skin was a light golden brown and his hair was streaked with platinum blond, his dark brows and eyelashes dusted with pale gold. Noticing how tangled his hair looked, Ed considered trying to beat it into submission, but settled for a bun instead. _At least it's out of the way._ A loud honking sound interrupted his thoughts. Grabbing his suitcase and toothbrush, Ed made his way into the hall and locked the door.

He practically cracked his jaw on the floor when he saw what really couldn't be considered a car parked out front.

"Al! What the hell is THAT?" Al turned off the engine and hopped down.

"What did you say Brother?"

Ed just pointed. It was all black and boxy with 18 inch wheels and chrome trim. It was also the size of a baby tank. Al looked confused.

"It's my car?"

"You call that a car? It's a monster!"

The younger Elric smiled sheepishly, "Well, I wanted to come visit you more often so I needed something that could drive off-road and Winry needed space to haul all of her automail tools and supplies, and with kids coming… I built this!"

"You _made_ this?" When Al nodded, Ed laughed. After a few minutes, he finally caught his breath. "It's pretty fuckin' awesome Al! Hey, can I drive?"

"No," Al said flatly.

"Heh, figures. Alright let's get moving," Ed said and hopped into the passenger seat. The two sped away in a cloud of dust.

…

They had been driving for about an hour in comfortable silence. Ed tried to read his book, but something kept nagging at him.

"Hey Al?"

"Yes, Brother?"

"Why'd you kiss me?" Al didn't say anything for a minute. Then, his short-cropped head nodded in agreement with some internal pact. Finally, as if he was talking about the weather, he said, "You looked like you needed one. And I couldn't tell you it was going to be ok because if you don't stop seeing _him_, it won't be. I can't lie just to make you feel better, but I'd do anything else for you, Brother." Ed blushed and tried seem interested in the landscape.

"It wasn't weird?" Fingertips traced his bottom lip as the older Elric remembered the kiss.

"No, not really because… I love you." Al smiled warmly at Ed. For some reason, Ed didn't think brotherly love was the only thing that warmed his younger brother's smile. He would've let it go, but the scientist in him wanted to _know_ and there was that kiss…

"Al, I may just be makin' stuff up, but… are you in love with me?"

"No." Ed tried very hard not to be crushed by the lack of hesitation. Al continued, "I was, for a long time, when we still traveled together. You're a genius, handsome, and a hard worker. And you loved me, even though I was giant suit of armor, you were always there, no matter what. But you were my brother, so I tried to get over you and that's when I noticed Winry. She's not that much different from you, to be honest. It's probably why you two fight so much." Ed's eyes were wide as he gaped at his little brother. Al blushed when he noticed Ed staring at him. "I think I said too much."

"No, I'm really glad you told me. Hey, are you happy Al?"

"Yes, I am. Sometimes, I'm so happy I feel like my chest is going to explode from trying to contain it. But it hurts more when I know that you aren't. And you aren't happy, are you Brother?"

"No, Al, I'm not happy. But I'm fine. It's just another eighteen months. Don't worry; I won't be seeing him again." He turned to look out his window, "Not after _that_."

"Not after what, Brother? You still haven't told me." Ed dropped his eyes to his lap. He didn't want to remember Riza's tears. _I feel like that attendant, just some slut looking for a good time._ He rubbed his face as if it still burned from the slaps. Ed played with his glasses and then took a deep breath.

"We were finally caught." Al sucked in a sharp breath, his heart pounding. Ed finished, "By…Riza Hawkeye." Neither of the two said anything as the truck rumbled forward. Unable to take the strain, Ed finally said, "She won't say anything."

Al nodded. "Of course she won't. She once told me that it was her job to make sure that the general became Führer. I have never seen her more serious."

* * *

><p>Roy watched as Ed and his beloved brother sped away. <em>Leaving me behind<em>. The thorns drew blood as the vine squeezed. But it was okay because he was drunk; wonderfully, stinking drunk. He fell into his chair and rested his chin on the desk. The distinct smell that was Ed still permeated the close air of the office. Since he could still smell, obviously, he hadn't drunk enough yet. His reddened eyes drifted to the bottle and appreciated the age of his demise; Riza knew what he liked. The red ribbon was still tied around the neck, although it was splotchy from the sweat of his hand. Sitting up, he took another swig then wiped the back of his mouth with his wrist. _I'm cold. It gets cold when the sun goes down_. Bleary eyes stared at the cracked plaster on the wall and the broken arm chair until the room blurred, his eyes burning. There was really nothing to cry about, nothing to mourn. It was lust, maybe infatuation, at best. His hand moved to the black phone on his desk. Dialing a number he knew by rote, he waited as the phone rang once, twice, three times.

"Hello?"

"Viv, it's Mustang."

"Oh, hi hun, how are you?"

By sheer will, he managed to not slur his words, "I'm good. Would you like to go into Resembool tonight? I hear its lovely during the holidays."

"Oh that would be wonderful Roy!"

"Good, I'll be there in a couple of hours. Make sure to pack an overnight bag."

"Sounds great, I'll see you then!"

He hung up and sighed. A couple of hours to sober up. He wasn't sure it was possible; he _did_ just drink a quarter of a bottle of scotch. The customary smirk was back in place as his mind drifted to the reason he was drinking. Ed would come back to him. In spite of what had happened, he knew from the way the blond moaned in his arms this time that he would be back, begging for more like some lost cat. Satisfied with this thought, he got up and shrugged on his white button down and uniform jacket. Staggering to his feet, he slowly made his way back to the abandoned officers' dorm.

…

Dressed in a grey wool three-piece suit, Roy drove up to the women's dorm and got out to assist Viv inside.

"I apologize, these vehicles aren't made for pleasure riding."

"Don't be silly, Roy. I'm in the military, just like you. I can handle myself." Her eyes sparkled with something he knew well: love. He had only experienced it once himself, but he knew it when he saw it. The general supposed it was only natural: they had been dating for over five months. She was a fine officer, but he resented his need to have her around for his public image. According to societal rules, a man of his age should be married with children. It was funny, bachelorhood was an imperative for the drive needed to rise quickly through the ranks, but marriage was the one thing that made people truly want him as Führer. The thought made him grimace.

"Everything alright?"

"Yes, I was just thinking about work."

"You're such a workaholic. It's no wonder that you were promoted so quickly." They chatted companionably for a while. Roy thanked the heavens when she drifted off to sleep, even if it was against his shoulder. A sigh escaped as he thought about the look on Riza's face. Their conversation loomed in his mind.

'_Riza! Wait!' He grabbed her arm and turned her around, only to get slapped in the face. The lieutenant colonel whipped out her handgun and pointed it at his forehead._

'_I will not wait. I will kill you before I see you become…this. You will _not_ fail.'_

_Riza, I—'_

'_I don't want to hear excuses. End it. Or I will.'_ _She put the gun back in its holster and walked away._

He knew Riza didn't care whom he slept with or even if he cheated, it was the fact that he was risking dishonorable discharge in order to have a good time with one of his subordinates that had made her so angry. Angry enough to pull a gun on him and seriously consider firing it. The setting sun reminded him of Ed, all bronze and gold. His grip tightened on the wheel as the thought of him writhing on his desk filled his mind. Viv stirred against his shoulder and he cursed silently under his breath.

"We're almost there, dear."

"Hm? Oh, good." She sat up and stretched. "That was an excellent nap. You're not too tired are you?"

"Not at all. I'm looking forward to our weekend. I have something important to tell you."

"Really? I have something to tell you as well," she purred in his ear. "So what do you have planned for tonight?"

The couple conversed about work and the holidays for the rest of the drive. He made her laugh and pretended to be in love.

* * *

><p>"I'm goin' for a walk," Ed announced to the room.<p>

"Finally, you've been fidgeting since you got here," Winry said, exasperation in her voice.

"You would too, if you could move."

"Are you calling me fat! Why you, ugh!" She banged her fists on the armchair in frustration, while Ed grinned evilly. Her swollen belly made it impossible for her to chase after her brother-in-law, so she did the next best thing. Grabbing a wrench from seemingly nowhere, she chucked it at Ed's head and pouted when he ducked in time. The pout began to tremble and soon Winry was crying. "Y-you stupid jerk!"

"W-winry! I'm sorry! Don't cry!"

Al rushed downstairs, took in the scene and shook his head.

"Ed! What did you do?"

"_-Sniff-_ Al!_–sniff-_ Ed is being a j-jerk _–sniff-_ A-and I tried to hit him with the w-wrench _–sniff-_ but he moved," she choked out before crying again. "Am I f-fat, Al? _–sniff-_"

Al sat on the arm of the chair and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Ed shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably.

"No, of course you're not fat, Brother was just teasing, he doesn't mean it. Right Brother?" Ed nodded. "You're beautiful and we're about to have twins! It's amazing what you're doing right now. You're amazing," he said, voice full of love. Winry looked up at Al and smiled.

"Really?"

"Really."

Al squeezed her once more before getting up and smacking the back of the older Elric's head. Winry giggled as Ed rubbed the spot and frowned.

"Stop upsetting Winry, Brother! It's not good for the babies!" But he said it while smiling, so Ed sighed and nodded. Unable to stand anymore of their lovey-doveyness, Ed shrugged on his coat and walked outside into the crisp night air. It had snowed recently in Resembool and the little hill where his childhood home used to be sparkled cool and white under the moon. He breathed the clean air in and relished the smell of true winter. It was cold in the desert, but it didn't have that wintry feel.

Oblong, blue hollows in the snow marked Ed's path as he made his way towards the town center. He wasn't a big fan of the holidays, but Resembool was always gorgeously decorated with red bows, waxy green leaves, and twinkling lights. Once on the main street, he passed by brightly lit shops and couples walking arm in arm. A woman's laughter floated from a second-story restaurant and he looked up, something about it familiar. Shrugging his shoulders he kept walking, stopping again to enjoy the singing of a group of carolers. Moving on, he turned down a side street, it was much quieter here, families asleep in their gingerbread townhouses. Before he realized it, his feet had carried him to the front of a hotel. It was the same one that Roy had stayed in when they had first arrived in Resembool. Suddenly, he could hear that woman's laughter again and coming towards him was a couple he would've liked to believe he had left behind in New Ishbal. He retreated to the shadows as Roy and Viv walked closer. Hoping they wouldn't notice him, he turned to go, but a voice, thrumming like a cello, called out to him.

"Colonel Elric?" Ed squared his shoulders. He half considered pretending it wasn't him, but decided that he had to face this head on. Turning around, he smiled as he walked towards them.

"General Mustang, I see you've brought the lady for a weekend away. How are you Viv?"

"I'm just wonderful Ed! Guess what! I finally got this Casanova to say the 'L' word," she said happily. Ed froze his smile in place.

"Is that so? You're gonna make a lot of ladies jealous in Central. I'd watch my back if I were you, haha. Well, I don't wanna keep you out in the cold any longer, so have a good night and enjoy your weekend."

"We will, thanks Ed! Good night!"

"General," Ed said in parting.

"Colonel."

Ed walked away slowly and when he rounded the corner he gulped at the air. _It's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine._ His chest was throbbing in pain and he clasped the left side of it as he staggered to his feet. Why was his body betraying him now? Grunting with the effort, he forced himself to stand up straight, but it was too painful. It was as if his body was trying to crush his heart. He heard footsteps from the street he had turned off of and he grimaced when he saw that familiar silhouette.

"What's this?" The sultry voice was sarcastic. _Is he crying over me?_

"Fuck….you," Ed wheezed out. Then he roared as a huge wave of pain washed over him, "FUCK!"

"Ed? Ed! What's wrong?" The blond slumped to the ground and then Roy was there calling his name. "ED!"

"Ed! Edward! Dammit wake up!" Panic and fear made the inside of his chest cold like after drinking too much iced water. Those golden eyes were closing and the blond's breath was little more than a wheeze. Roy ran back to the hotel and yelled at the concierge to call for an ambulance. Ordering a bell hop to help him, he ran back to where Ed was laying and placed his fingers against Ed's pulse. It was there, but it was weak and erratic. Sweat beaded on his brow as he and the bell hop carried Ed back into the hotel lobby. It seemed an eternity had passed filled with Ed's pathetic breathing before the ambulance arrived. A frantic ride to the hospital and the race to the emergency room made Roy's head spin. Ed was rolled away, an nurse manually pumping air into his lungs. _After all of this, after everything we've been through, don't you dare die on me!_

It was another fifteen minutes before a loud rumble was heard outside. Al burst into the hospital and ran to the nurses' station.

Trying to keep his voice calm, Al spoke quickly, "Edward Elric was recently admitted to the emergency room. I'm his brother, Alphonse Elric. Where is he? Please tell me!"

The nurse looked at her clipboard, "Yes, he's with the physician right now being examined. Would you please take a seat? Dr. Moore will be out as soon as he can." Al's shoulders sagged as he turned to the waiting room when he spotted Mustang.

"You!" Striding across the room, he grabbed Roy by the neck and pushed him into his chair. "What did you do to him? What did you do to my brother?" Two male nurses rushed to pull Al away, but Al let go and punched the wall. For a moment he just stood still, head hanging. Finally he turned to Roy and head still down, speaking lowly so that only Roy could hear, "Why can't you just go away? Just leave him alone. He never asked for this." Roy didn't say anything because fears over Ed's health swirled dizzyingly in his mind. The two waited in silence for hours, both making phone calls at some point to soothe the minds of the women in their lives. Finally, just after midnight, an older man in a white coat came towards them. Care lined his face and his brown hair was peppered with gray. He sounded tired as he stepped towards Al, "Hello, I'm Dr. Moore. I assume that you're Alphone Elric?" Al nodded.

"Well Mr. Elric, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that your brother is alive and stabilized." Al let out an audible sigh of relief. "The bad news is that we don't know what's wrong with him and we can't get him to wake up. I'm sorry, but that's as much as I can tell you. You may visit him now, if you wish, one of the nurses will show you to his room."

Al stood up and thanked the doctor and when Roy stood up as well, he whirled on him and in a fierce whisper said, "No! I don't care if you saved him from dying in the street. You don't get to see him. Go back to your hotel, general." The broad-shouldered blond turned on his heel and nearly ran to where the nurse was waiting as Roy got up and left. He didn't know where he was going and he didn't care. At the first dark and empty bar he came to, he walked in and didn't leave until morning.

Al moved quietly into the room, not wanting to disturb the other patient in the room and sat heavily on the bed next Ed. He smoothed the perpetually messy bangs away from his face and laid his forehead on his brother's, tears streaming down his face. Al thought about what Ed would say if he knew that his younger brother was crying over him. _'What're ya cryin' for Al? I'm fine!'_

"But you're not fine, Brother." Al scrubbed at his face and sighed. There was very little he could do and Winry was at home, worrying. "I'll be back tomorrow. Do me a favor and wake up." He looked over his shoulder one more time and then closed the door behind him.

* * *

><p>Ed woke up to Roy shaking him and yelling his name.<p>

"Yeah, yeah. I hear ya. What is it?" Roy flung his arms around Ed.

"Thank God. You really scared me." The blond pushed the man off and sat up. They were still in the alley, so no one had seen them. Sighing, he got up and brushed himself off.

"I don't know what this is all about, but you're kinda weirding me out right now."

"You just fainted in the street! I was worried."

"Yeah well don't be. I'm fine," Ed snarked. But that last sentence rang hollow and for some reason he felt that the general should know it. "No, I'm not fine. And I haven't _been_ fine since you started dating Vivica."

Roy looked at him in surprise, "Ed…"

"Let me finish! Geez, it's already bad enough without you interrupting, bastard. Look, I…" Ed blushed furiously and clenched his fist before spitting out, "I think I love you! There I said it." After a few minutes, a stunned look was still plastered on Roy's face, so he yelled, "Say something you stupid bastard! Don't just stand there!" Snowflakes began to pattern the air, making the world disappear is a soft hush. Roy tugged Ed into a tight embrace and kissed him. It was desperate, but not with lust. It had the same glowing quality as Al's kiss and it wrapped his body in fuzzy warmth. When the two finally came up for air, the plumes of their breath mingled and drifted towards the heavens. Roy rested his forehead against Ed's.

"Ed, I love you, too. And I'll go tell Viv it's over right now, but you have to promise me something."

Ed looked at him in suspicion. "What?"

"You have to leave the service." Ed opened his mouth to interject. "Let _me _finish. You have to wait until we're done in Ishbal and keep us a secret. When we're done, then we can go public."

"But what about being Führer? "

"I gave it up once. I can give it up for good. I'd do anything for you, Brother, so just wake up."

Ed looked in confusion at Roy and blinked—

A white ceiling filled his vision. He bolted upright and startled Al off his stool.

"Ouch!" He watched in confusion as his younger brother pick himself up. "Brother! You're awake!"

"Yeah," he croaked. Why did his throat hurt? "What hap—Ah!" He was flung against the bed as Al attacked him into a bear hug.

"Can't….breathe…."

"Sorry! I'm just so happy you're awake." He pulled back and helped Ed sit up.

"How long have I been out? Where am I?"

"Three days and you're in the hospital."

"Three days…what happened to me?"

"No one knows for sure. _He_ found you and brought you to the hospital. You had passed out on the street, clutching your chest." Ed looked down at his lap and dragged his braid over his shoulder to finger the end of it.

"Where is he?"

"Back in New Ishbal. He told me to have you call him as soon as you're able." Before Ed could grumble something unflattering about the general, Dr. Moore came in.

"I'm Dr. Moore. Mr. Elric, it's nice to see you're amongst the living again."

"Thanks Doc and it's Ed. Not to be rude or anything, but how much longer do I have to stay here?"

"Well, I'd like to keep you for another three days for observation, so assuming you don't relapse, as early as Saturday. But I recommend refraining from going back to work for another four or five days after that. You were in something similar to a coma and you may experience extreme confusion or may pass out unexpectedly. While we don't know for sure that's what this is or what caused it, I'm going to be treating you like a coma patient just to be safe."

"Hmph," He thought about arguing, but Al gave him his worst 'Disapproving Izumi' look. Sighing he said, "Okay."

"Now let's take a quick look at you." He proceeded to test Ed's sight and reflexes. Once satisfied, he stood up and jotted some notes down on his clipboard. "Still a little sluggish, but that's normal. Feeling any intense emotions or confusion?" Ed shook his head. "Excellent. A nurse will be in to take your blood pressure and temperature." He paused at Ed's stomach growl, "I'll make sure she brings some lunch with her as well. Take care Ed, I'll you tomorrow. Alphonse say hi to Winry for me."

"Thank you Dr. Moore, I will." Ed finally took a good look at his little brother. He looked tired, as if he hadn't slept in days and his clothes were rumpled.

"Al, what else is goin' on? Have you been up all night?"

The younger man ran his hand through his hair and let it rest on the back of his neck. "Winry was admitted to the hospital last night. She was having really bad contractions, but she's fine now and Granny's with her. We were kind of expecting this since she's due in a month, but it was still scary. But you're awake now, so that's one less thing for me to worry about." Heaviness settled in the middle of Ed's chest as guilt washed over him.

"I'm sorry, Al. This is all my fault." A yawn overtook him.

"Brother, maybe you should lay down," Al suggested, concern painted on his face.

"Don't be silly Al, I'm f—" Dizziness made the room rock and he bent over to ground himself. His chest felt ablaze and he clutched it in a futile effort to reduce the pain. After a few seconds, everything was back to normal. Al was sitting on the bed and Ed's forehead was on the younger Elric's shoulder, breathing heavily.

"No, you're not fine. Please lay down, Brother." Ed did as he was told when the nurse came in. Al relayed what had just happened and she took Ed's vitals before leaving to retrieve the doctor.

Over the course of the next three days, Ed noticed a pattern: whenever he attempted to say he was fine, an attack would render him near unconscious and in pain. The dream that he had during his coma came to him every night. It was beyond idiotic to pretend it was only that, so he didn't. Ed didn't believe in signs or divine intervention, but he knew when his subconscious was trying to tell him the truth. It was hard to accept at first; there was so much unknown risk involved and the fear was almost paralyzing. But he had a hunch that if he did tell Roy how he felt and the man rejected him, he would shatter. That revelation shook his core: the blond had always considered himself a strong person, but he never knew how brittle he was. Yet, it was clear as day. It was that same brittleness that drove him to try and bring his mother back from the grave and to give up his arm when Al was almost lost to him for good. And now it was telling him to make Roy fall hopelessly in love with him.

On the day of his discharge from the hospital, Ed snuck to the nurses' station to make a call while Al was finishing up some paperwork. Dialing quickly, he was surprised when he heard a man's voice instead of the weekend phone operator answer the phone:

"Colonel Mustang's office. This is Captain Havoc speaking."

"Hey Havoc, it's Ed Elric. What're you doing at the office?"

"Boss! We all heard about what happened to you from the chief. We've been working overtime to keep on schedule. Everything alright? Do you want to talk to the chief?"

"Nah, I'll talk to him when I get back. Just tell him I'm still recovering, but I expect be back by Friday."

"Will do. Anything else?"

"Nope that's it. Gotta run!" Ed hung up as Al walked towards him. "Hey Al, what's shakin'?"

"What did you do?" Al asked suspiciously.

"Me? Nothing at all. I'm offended that you would think I'm up to something."

"But Brother, you're always up to something," Al replied seriously.

"I just called the office that's all. Sheesh," Ed said exasperatedly. Al hadn't been in the best of moods lately, though he could hardly blame him. Practically his whole family had been in the hospital at some point in the past week, he had a major research paper on alkahestry due in a few days, and his wife, while not in the maternity ward anymore, was going to give birth to twins within the next two or three weeks. "Sorry Al. I'm bein' an ass. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, recover. And…possibly type up my paper?"

"You're still writing everything by hand?" Ed sighed at Al's sheepish grin. "Well, I owe ya, so I'll do it."

"Thanks."

* * *

><p>The office was abuzz after Ed hung up. Annoyed by all the commotion, Roy finally got up to see what was going on.<br>"What's with all the racket? The holidays are over people. Get back to work." He had been in a foul mood ever since that night he found Ed in the alley. Viv had forgiven him his binge drinking given the circumstances, but had made herself scarce after they had returned, which was fine with Roy.

"Oh, sorry chief, I meant to come tell you a minute ago. Ed just called to say he'd be back on Friday," Havoc said casually.

Roy successfully reigned in his relief and in an annoyed tone said, "Good, doing his work on top of my own is becoming a pain."

"Sir?"

"Yes, Hawkeye?"

"Another forty reports have come in for you to read, approve, and sign from Edward's office," the lieutenant colonel said coolly. Roy could almost see the evil glint in her eye. "How is that possible?" he asked incredulously.

"Um, General Mustang, sir," a timid voice said from behind. Havoc was practically drooling at his desk and Fuery had a fierce blush going. When he turned around, Roy saw Ed's secretary, Lieutenant Mira Ricard, standing there with a thick stack of papers in her small arms. "The colonel is a very fast reader and doesn't take any breaks. He even reads while out in the field," she proffered as an explanation, green eyes sparkling when she said 'colonel'.

Riza sighed pathetically, "Yes. He is quite the industrious one. An assistant's dream really." Roy didn't appreciate the not-so-gentle jab to his ego or the snickers that circled the office. He gave his best I-will-set-you-on-fire glare to his subordinates who promptly made themselves busy. Mira was still babbling about Ed when Riza took the papers and put them on Roy's desk.

"Excuse me lieutenant, I really must get back to work," Roy said politely.

"Oh! Of course, sir. I'll be back after lunch with the rest," she said brightly before walking out, a dreamy look still plastered on her face. Roy sighed as he sat down at his desk. Until Ed wasn't there, no one knew how much work he had taken upon himself. Both offices were overwhelmed trying to make up for his absence, especially Roy. On most days, he didn't get home until eleven or twelve o' clock at night, only to have to be at his desk by six the next day. Even with all of that effort, they were still barely able to keep up. Roy wasn't sure if they could do this for another day, let alone another week. It seemed like the man managed to be everywhere at once: in meetings, out in the field overseeing the construction, and in the office to take calls about major and minor decisions alike, plus magically finishing his paperwork. Even fast reading didn't take into account how the man could do it all and still have had time to meet up with Roy. There had to be a trick to it and Roy was going to find out.

"Colonel."

"Yes, sir."

"Please get Ed Elric on the phone, I have a question for him." Riza looked at him, a shadow of doubt darkening her large brown eyes.

"Yes, sir."

Ed was stretched out on the couch reading one of Al's old romance novels when the phone rang.

"Elric residence."

"Colonel, it's General Mustang." Ed's heart skipped a beat. _What does he want?_

"Hello, general. What can I do for ya? Miss me already?" Ed teased.

Roy looked at the phone in consternation, before putting the receiver back to ear. "I have a question for you." Roy cleared his throat before continuing, "How are you…managing to keep the project ahead of schedule?" His face flushed when he heard Ed chuckle. The blond knew exactly what Roy was asking. No matter how he felt about the man himself, he couldn't let the his incompetence ruin everything. He also felt guilty that his and Roy's subordinates had to work overtime just because he couldn't admit to himself that he was in love with him.

"Use your resources, general."

"My resources? You're going to have to be a bit less cryptic than that, colonel." He heard a sigh come from the receiver.

"Fine. But I'm only sayin' this once, so listen up. First, Armstrong has an incredible amount of knowledge when it comes to construction, architecture and urban planning, so when I go out into the field, I always take him with me." He smiled at the small groan. "I know you hate how emotional he is, but it helps him relate to the general contractors, who aren't much better. I have Armstrong's office send me a daily report of all the decisions he's made regarding the construction and sign off on that instead of dealing with it all myself. Since we've started, I've only overturned one major decision." Roy was stunned, he had no idea. He had hard time getting around Armstrong's need to take off his shirt at any provocation to truly get to know the man. The general knew he was loyal, an excellent fighter and alchemist, but that was it.

"Hello? Hey, Mustang! You alive?"

"Uh, yes, colonel, please continue." Another sigh.

"As I was saying, no matter where I am, I always have my office phone calls routed to the nearest landline. If I'm not in range, I do it over encrypted radio. That way I don't spend a bunch of time returning calls. Lastly, there are a lot of meetings that I have to be present at, even if they don't really need my input, so I have an attendant come with me to take notes, while I do paperwork. That reminds me, I take paperwork with me everywhere, except stuff from Central. And as you've figured out, there's a lot of it."

"Yes, I've noticed."

"To tell the truth, I forward a lot of it to your office, heh heh." Roy growled at that. "But whatever I don't send, I have CWO Boxer read and summarize. His reading and typing speed is almost the equivalent of mine , but I do all of the actual signing." He could hear Ed cracking his knuckles. "So, in awe of my greatness, yet?"

"Hmph. It sounds more like delegation than anything else." But Roy was amazed. In just a few short months, Ed had created a system that utilized each person to their full potential. Roy was known for being the mastermind behind such complex webs, but it was always in combat or covert operations. He had felt out of his element somewhat with having to rebuild something and had never really had to adjust because of Ed. "But excellent work all the same."

"That's more like it. Though, I'm only helping you to keep my people out of the office on a Saturday. And here I thought only rain made you incompetent," Ed said with an exaggerated sigh.

"Watch it, colonel."

"Yeah, yeah. Anything else?"

"No that will be all. Recover quickly. I'll want you in my office first thing Friday morning."

"Alright, later." Roy hung up after the line went dead, but kept staring at the phone as if it would give him answers. Ed had seemed almost _excited_ to talk to him. The burden of their affair had disappeared in his voice. Roy leaned his chin against his interlaced hands. _I don't understand_. Some of the vine began to loosen.

* * *

><p><em>AN: If any of you lovely readers are interested, the title of this story is the same as Sam Sparro's "Black and Gold" (which I obviously have no rights to, T_T). This song actually inspired me to write this. _


	6. It was so easy

_A/N: Here it is!_

_Warning: pseudo-incest and yaoi. You've been warned._

* * *

><p><strong>It was so easy.<strong>

While the days passed in a paper trail hurricane for Mustang, Ed was enjoying a slower pace of life. Or at least he was trying to and failing. Miserably. For the umpteenth time, he got up and stalked around the living room. Al came out from his study, irritation edging his voice, "Ed, please stop pacing. The poor people of Xing can hear your automail crashing on the floor from across the desert."

Bristling more than usual, Ed returned, "Don't exaggerate Al and I'm not 'crashing.' I'm just _bored. _I would gladly take a trip to the bookstore, if you would let me leave the house."

Al looked at the ceiling, begging his mother from beyond the grave for patience. He knew Ed could be irritating, but this was too much.

"Fine. Go to the bookstore. And if you keel over in an alley, I'll save you, if only to kill you myself," Al shut the door noisily. Ed glared at it in annoyance. He wasn't sure if Al was really going to let him leave or if when he got back his little brother would have some revenge planned. Dragging a hand over his face, he ran upstairs and knocked on the first door to his left.

"Come in," a muffled voice said.

Opening the door just to enough to stick his head in, he looked at Winry. "Hey, I'm goin' to the bookstore, need anything?"

"Oh really? Al said you could go?"

"Sorta. Come on woman. I haven't got all day."

"Fine, fine. Geez, you can be a real ass sometimes. Get me the latest issue of 'Nerves of Steel'."

Ed smiled at that. "Gearhead. Okay, I should be back in a couple of hours."

"Make sure you bundle up!"

Blond ponytail bouncing, Ed ran back down to the guest room to do just that. He cursed from nearly falling over as he rushed to pull on silk-lined long johns. He wanted to hurry just in case Al changed his mind. Finally dressed, gloved hands wrapped a long red scarf around his neck and chin. Shimmying his ponytail free and feeling fully prepared, Ed almost snuck his way to the front door.

"Bye Al! Be back in a couple of hours!" He shouted before closing the door and bounding down the gently sloping hill.

* * *

><p>Al looked up when he heard Ed's hasty goodbye and the door slam. Sighing, he rested his chin on his fist. <em>What am I going to do with him? <em>There was no time to ponder as the phone began ringing. Sighing again, Al jogged to the living room and picked up the black receiver.

"Elric Residence. Alphonse speaking."

"Hello Alphonse, it's General Mustang." Al froze at the voice on the line. He still hadn't forgiven the general, but he wasn't angry enough at him to be continuously rude.

"Hello general. What can I do for you today?" The chill in his voice apparent.

"I would like to speak to Edward. Is he there?"

"No, he just left. Would you like to speak to me?" Roy understood the underlying message. _You won't speak to him unless I deem it absolutely necessary. _Biting back a sigh, he replied, "Yes, I'm just confirming that Edward will be back tomorrow morning. I need to schedule a driver to retrieve him."

"He is still planning on leaving tomorrow. But anything can happen between now and then according to the doctor." _If I suspect anything, he will never come back._

"True, but Edward has never been one to let anyone or anything determine his future."

"If that's all, then I should get back to work."

"Right. Nice speaking with you, please tell Winry I said hello."

"I will." Al hung up and chewed on his bottom lip in contemplation. His bronze gaze drifted to the guestroom door. Ed hadn't brought up the…Incident, since the drive to Resembool and Al didn't want to either. He knew that Ed kept a journal, but understanding it would be too difficult: the man encoded everything. Sighing again, he turned to his study with thought of making Ed talk about his feelings weighing heavily on him. The image of a furiously hissing cat in water came to mind. _What have I gotten myself into? _He groaned as he sat in his chair. Looking at the clock and then the papers that he had left read, Al decided to immerse himself in work until Ed got home.

…

Ed knocked loudly on the door and stamped his foot in the growing dark as he waited for the door to open. Yellow light flooded across the threshold as Al opened the door.

"Welcome back Brother."

"You're in a better mood." Ed stepped in and immediately put down six thick volumes, all of them dusty, worn and blackened with use before closing the door. Snow dusted the crown of his head and eyelashes and the high color on his cheeks gave him a childlike appearance. The blond shook off some of the snow and unbuttoned his coat. From inside he pulled out a shiny magazine. "This is for Winry. I think she'll be happy to know it's a special edition." He let his coat and scarf fall to the floor in a soft rustle. Turning to the thick stack of books, he grabbed the topmost one and handed it to Al. "That one's for you." His golden eyes twinkled in anticipation as he watched his younger brother. Al opened the cover and saw flowing Xingese characters running down the yellowing parchment. Looking at the red signature the bottom right corner. "Liu E," he read slowly. His Xingese was a little rusty since Mei went back home. "That's impossible. I've been searching everywhere for this. Everywhere."

"Heheh, I meant to pick it up on…_that _night." Al nodded solemnly. "I called in a favor from Ling and he said you can keep it. I would've forgotten all about it if the shopkeeper hadn't reminded meeeeAGH!" Al body tackled him into a bear hug. "Ow..."

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you!" The arms around his neck tightened. "This means so much to me." Ed returned the embrace, the painful bump on his head forgotten.

"Don't mention it. I'd do anything for you, Al." Propping himself up on his elbow, he ruffled the younger man's short hair affectionately, but it was getting hot with Al laying on top of him. Sensing the other's discomfort, Al sat up, unwittingly grinding himself against Ed. When _both _of their bodies responded to the accidental friction, they locked gazes, uncertainty and growing lust hanging heavy in the air.

"Al?" Winry's voice drifted down the stairs. The color that blazed across the brothers' faces could only be compared to a tomato. Al scrambled to his feet and ran up the stairs, leaving Ed to sink back onto the floor, groaning. Due to the abrupt end of his sex life, Ed knew his body was just reacting; it was simple biology. And he also knew that Al wasn't getting any either with a bedridden wife. That didn't make his unbelievably stiff erection any less annoying, embarrassing, or painful. Picking himself up off the floor, he winced as the fabric of his pants rubbed cruelly against his weeping member. "Fuck it," he cursed exasperatedly and opened the fly of trousers, sighing in relief when his cock sprung free. Grateful for the bathroom near the door, he rushed in, letting the door swing closed.

Leaning over the toilet, Ed pushed away his embarrassment and began to stroke himself slowly, teasing the slit with his thumb. If he had to get himself off, he might as well make it good. Succumbing to his desire and telling himself Al would understand, he imagined his baby brother on his knees, moaning around his length. The fire that had kindled in his belly flamed outward towards his chest, the pressure in his groin increasing. The elder Elric panted, head thrown back and eyes closed as imaginary Al was devotional in his attentions, going so far as to deep throat him, slightly choking on the length. Eventually, his sinfully wet mouth was gliding from tip to base with ease. Ed let out a low moan and buried his face in his outstretched arm. The flame now burned down his back and up his face, the pressure getting heavier and shrinking to pinpoint. Al scraped his teeth gently along the pulsing vein and then engulfed Ed again with force. And then he was there, the pinpoint of pressure exploding like a supernova, catapulting him into the white blaze. He stroked himself through the last of the spasms, each one sending oscillations of pleasure through him, head hanging as he gasped for air.

The toilet whirled while he washed his hands, stooping at the end to splash water on his hot face. Once dry, he opened the bathroom door, only to see Al facing him.

"Al. What's up?" he started nervously. His younger brother had an unreadable look on his face. Guilt flared in his bronze eyes, "Brother, I think you should stay at Granny's tonight."

A bit taken aback, Ed tried to keep his voice level, "Can I ask why?"

"I…I thought it was only a kiss." Al took a deep breath before continuing, "I just need some space… to be with Winry. I'm sorry."

"I see." Lids dropped to a sleepy half-mast over golden eyes in an effort to hide the hurt and the accusations. _You did this to us. _Within thirty minutes he was packed and bundled up for the cold air. "Tell Winry I said bye," he said quietly and walked out into the frigid night air. When the door closed, Ed heard, as if from a distance, the sound of his brother crying_. I should've seen this coming. _Al loved with all of himself and Ed knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that if he walked back in that house, he would lose little brother forever. He only needed space and time._ I went through Automail surgery for him, I can do this, too. _Guilt, his old friend, accompanied him as his feet carried him to the gate of the Rockbell house. It was technically his now, though Pinako still lived there. She had decided that it would be best, knowing that he wouldn't buy one for himself. Not wanting to explain the situation and being a terrible liar when it came to the perceptive old woman, he turned towards Resembool and made his way downtown.

* * *

><p>It was 6:06 pm, when his desk phone rang. Annoyed at having to take yet <em>another<em> call right before eating his dinner, Roy picked up the phone and barked, "Mustang!"

"What crawled up your ass and died?" Roy blinked at the phone.

"Fullmetal?"

Ed snorted at the old moniker. "Man, I must've really caught you off guard. Let's try this again. Hello general, it's Colonel Elric." Roy decided to play along.

"Colonel, what can I do for you?"

"I need a ride back to base tonight." Ed said it nonchalantly, but Roy smirked. He knew exactly what that meant. _Yes, Alphonse, anything can happen._

"Certainly. But on one condition: you have to come in two hours early tomorrow."

"What! Why?"

"If you hadn't gotten sick, there wouldn't be a back up in paperwork and this wouldn't have been an issue."

"It's not my fault that I was knocked out for three days." Roy blanched. _Three days? _He had thought that the doctor keeping him in Resembool was just being extra cautious, not that Al had told him anything. Nothing short of impending death kept Ed unconscious. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Are you truly fit to come back to work?"

"Even if I'm not, I'm bored," Ed lied. The blond had boxed up everything he felt regarding the situation with Al and wasn't going to touch it until his younger brother spoke to him again.

"For a genius, you sure have a difficult time entertaining yourself."

"Shut up and just send the damn car. Getting you to do anything is like pulling teeth!" The words were worn pebbles, smoothed by a river of faux-annoyance.

"That wasn't very nice. Temper, colonel, temper," Roy said sarcastically. What they were doing was safe, it was routine, as if nothing was wrong and his heart wasn't about to crack his ribs with its infernal beating. "A car will be there in an hour and a half."

"Finally finished the main road, huh? Less waiting for me." Roy could almost hear the shrug in his voice. "Send it to Daedalus Bookshop, it's right across from your favorite hotel." There wasn't a single hitch in Ed's voice, no special emphasis on 'hotel' or 'favorite', but Roy was swept under by the memory of those awful two days. A gun at his face; Ed passed out in the alley. That voice whispered something sweet again and he pushed it away once more, but Ed was talking to him.

"Yo, General Morally Corrupt Ass. Are you even listening to me?" He could hear something in the edges of Ed's voice, something strained.

"Yes. Daedalus. Got it." The line went dead. _Would it kill him to say 'bye' like a normal person before hanging up? _But nothing was normal about Ed. The general got up and cracked his neck. He would go get his soon-to-be-again lover himself. "Colonel Hawkeye."

"Yes, sir."

"I'm going to go pick up the colonel." He didn't look at her. The burn on the back of his neck was evidence enough of her disapproval. When he felt the cold barrel of her gun replace her stare, Roy made a conscientious effort to repress a shiver. "I'm taking Havoc with me." The bite of metal disappeared.

"Very good sir. I'll have a car pulled around right away." When she left, Roy took it upon himself to inform his office of their free evening. Havoc melodramatically swooned in his chair.

"Nice try Havoc, but you're coming whether you like it or not."

"But, Chief!"

"Let's go!" he said exasperatedly and walked out into the hallway.

* * *

><p>Ed wasn't out front when the car sidled up to store. Roy got out, leaving Havoc to sit idly. Only Ed would think spending his last night in a bookstore was any fun. A small brass bell tinkled when he entered and it brought along a tiny old man with glasses the size of teacup saucers. Roy fought back a sneeze as book dust drifted up his nose.<p>

"Good evening young man, what can I do for you?"

"Good evening, I'm looking for Edward Elric."

"Ah, yes. A boy after my own heart. Right this way." The elder moved with surprising speed around and through the close shelves. The store was much larger than one would guess from outside and in what Roy presumed was the middle, an open square was revealed. The shopkeeper left as the general scanned the lounge area. Well-used overstuffed armchairs were scattered about and one of them held a bespectacled Ed, curled contently behind a large book. He had kicked off his shoes and was absentmindedly fingering the ends of his long bangs as golden eyes flicked over the contents of the page rapidly. Roy didn't remember the last time he had seen Ed like that; it must've been years. He was always impressed by the blond's ability to completely shut away the world while he tried to satisfy his thirst for knowledge. His interests stretched beyond alchemy now into all of the hard sciences, history, and, unexpectedly, religion. Near the foot of the chair was a large, black steamer trunk and Roy had a sneaking suspicion that it was going to be ludicrously heavy with books. Walking over to where Ed sat, he placed his hand on the man's shoulder, unflinching when he found a small, curved knife at his throat.

"Oh, sorry. You know you really shouldn't sneak up on people like that," Ed said matter-of-factly before tucking the weapon back in his sleeve. Roy knew Ed could easily kill a person with his bare hands; the knife was mostly for scare.

"I've been standing there for five minutes," Roy pointed out. Ed sucked his teeth and got up and stretched his arms over head, back popping. The older man noticed black fabric where normally tanned stomach was exposed. Curious he rubbed it with his thumb causing the blond to freeze.

"What're you doing?" he said lowly. Roy shrugged, "Old habits. What are you wearing?"

"First get your hand off of me, jackass." When the hand lingered, he pushed it away and continued, "I'm wearing thermals, helps keep my automail from freezing up on me. Now keep your hands to yourself." Again, something in the blond's voice belied the words he was saying.

"Are you sure about that?" Roy husked in Ed's ear and he could've sworn a shiver ran through the younger man's body. Feeling bold, he put one hand at the small of Ed's back, pushing his hips forward and undid the long ponytail. He was about to lean into kiss invitingly parted lips when pain shot through his groin.

"Sorry about that, but I really don't like repeating myself," Ed said. There was amusement and sympathy in his voice.

"God…dammit…. Ed," Roy wheezed as he sunk to his knees. Gold hair tickled his face as the blond threw his head over to tie it up with an elastic. The general focused intently on it, the sweet shampoo and book dust smell, the feeling of it as it brushed his face, even how the dim lighting made the darker gold strands glint. It helped to dull the ache between his legs. By the time the pain subsided enough for Roy to stand shakily, Ed was completely bundled and ready to go. His gilt irises flashed with contained merriment as he said, "Just be glad it wasn't my _left _knee. I hope you're up to helping me carry about 200 kilos to the car." Roy glowered at him, tight lipped, before stepping gingerly as a cat back to the front door. A few minutes later, Jean strolled in, unlit cigarette hanging off his lip.

"Hey boss! What'd ya do to the chief?"

"Do you really wanna know?" Ed smirked. The tall blond shook his head. "Didn't think so. I just need you help me with that." He pointed at the steamer trunk. With a grunt, the two waddled out of the store and Ed gave a passing wave to the shopkeeper in thanks.

…

Ed and Havoc talked about nothing important for most of the drive until they finally got to the topic of women.

"I need a girlfriend," Jean sighed. Ed chuckled at the familiar words.

"You could always try for an Ishbalan girl. I hear they're pretty faithful and now that Mustang has Viv, he won't be able to steal her away." The painful reminder made Havoc give Roy a betrayed look. "I know, finally."

"It wouldn't have been such a problem if you just moved quicker, Havoc," Roy threw out casually.

"That doesn't make it right chief! But maybe you're on to somethin', boss, an Ishbalan girl does sound…exotic." A dreamy look washed over Jean's face. "What about you?"

Ed knew the question could only be directed at him. He chose his words carefully, "I have…friends in Central."

"Sounds like you're as bad as the general here."

Ed snorted, "I'm not a manwhore like him. I'm actually friends with them; the sex is a bonus."

"I'm sitting right here," Roy snarled. He privately wondered if Ed categorized him with his other lover-friends. Most likely not, it seemed their entire goal was to see who could manipulate or hurt the other more, whether it was physically, emotionally, or mentally. Their affair was a war, plain and simple.

"That _was _harsh. But still boss, I had no idea. You always seemed like a one-and-only-one type of guy." Ed laughed lightly.

"I am." Maybe it was because it was just the three of them or that his recent health scare made him more honest with himself, but he felt the need to elaborate. "I actually have my eyes on someone right now, but I'm not in a rush to start anything new."

"Oh ho ho. What's the lucky lady look like?" Jean asked. Roy's ears had perked up as well. He had been observing Ed from the back seat the entire trip, the dark only mildly dimming the light he gave off.

"Nah, I'm not tellin'. I'm worried it might be someone you know," Ed said with a nervous laugh. Roy opened his mouth to ask his own question when the lights from the officer's dorm shone on their laps.

"Hey chief, think you can help the boss with that trunk?"

"Yes. You can also come in two hours late tomorrow. I'll talk to Colonel Hawkeye," the general said.

"Thanks chief. Alright boss, see you tomorrow."

"Later."

* * *

><p>"Don't forget, <em>you<em> have to be in the office two hours early," Roy said before turning to go.

"I didn't forget, _old man."_

Tired and desperately wanting to just pass out, Roy glared over his shoulder, which made Ed laugh. It was that same free laugh that he seemed to only reserve for his brother and knowing that he was the cause this time made his chest tighten with something akin to hope. _Hope? For what? _Roy knew one thing for sure, nothing good awaited him as long as he was with, wanted, and obsessed over Edward Elric. Speaking of, the blond's laughter had subsided, tears of mirth wiped away by gloved hands.

"You're too easy," he sighed contentedly. Gilt orbs took on a more serious cast, as he continued, "By the way, I think I'm retiring after this." Roy's heart stopped for a moment. "I'm not really sure why I stayed as long as I did, but that's not important." Ed looked thoughtfully at the ground, his voice dropped to just above a whisper. "The way you held me that night…." Then those golden eyes were locked with his own dark gray, nearly black ones. "You're not happy with her, it's obvious, even if she doesn't see it and….I think we could have something good. So here's the deal and I don't expect you to answer right away, but I want to know what you really want. You have one year from now. I want your answer then." The finality in his voice indicated that the ultimatum wasn't up for discussion. Roy realized he must have a dumb look on his face by the way Ed was smirking at him. Forcing his features into a mask of neutrality, the general said, "Thank you for informing me of your plans, this will give me ample time to find your replacement." An unreadable emotion flashed in Ed's eyes. "Have a good night, colonel and welcome back." He desperately wanted to run to his room, but forced himself to take slow, measured steps and breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the suite door open and close.

Ed sighed heavily as he shrugged out of his overcoat. _A shower then bed. _What Roy had said lingered in his mind. He wasn't sure if the man meant his replacement as his lover or his second-in-command. But first he had to call Al, tell him he wasn't at Granny's house. Dialing the number slowly, the wait seemed agonizingly long until Al picked up.

"Elric Residence, Alphonse speaking." There was raggedness to Al's voice.

"Hey Al, it's me."

"Oh thank goodness. I've been looking everywhere for you. I called Granny to make sure you got there safely, but when she said you never showed up…I…I…" Ed could hear the guilt in Al's voice.

"I know. I'm sorry for making you worry."

"Where are you?"

"In Ishbal."

"Oh. Brother," Ed's heart fluttered at the tone in Al's voice. "I'm sorry. After you left, it was clear to me that I was just…"

"Horny?"

"Brother!" He could practically see the mortification on Al's face. It made him chuckle.

"What? It's true right? I mean nine months is a long time to be hard up."

"You can be impossible sometimes, you know?"

"It's part of my charm."

"Hardly. What I was trying to was that I was afraid I'd do something I could never forgive myself for." Al paused, yawned, then said, "I'm glad you're safe, Brother. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, yeah. Get your ass to bed. Good night Al."

"Good night." Another yawn and then a click before the line went dead. He thought about showering, but decided to hold off until after his workout in the morning. Which was only a few hours away. Cursing Mustang for making him come in extra early, he stripped and snuggled under the covers, sleep fast overtaking him.

* * *

><p>Roy sat heavily in an armchair, the smiling image of him and his best friend beaming at him from a simple black frame. He let his head fall back, enjoying the slight rush of blood to his head. Roy didn't think it was fair for one person to complicate his life so much. <em>Hughes. <em>His friend would have told him to take the risk and on some level he knew the man was right._ I need a drink. That damnable brat is turning me into an alcoholic. _A familiar feeling was creeping over him, making his skin pucker with goose bumps. It sat leadenly on his chest._ I don't want to be alone tonight. _At one point in time, he would have dispelled the feeling in the wanton embrace of a fiery-tempered blond. He supposed he should make use of the next best thing. Getting up slowly, he crossed the suite lounge and picked up the phone and swiftly dialed a number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Viv, it's me."

"Hi," she said softly. "How are you?"

"Much better. Would you like to come over? I have a nice bottle of red and we can just talk by the fire."

"I would like that a lot. I'll be there in ten."

"I'll be waiting. I love you." The words rolled off his tongue so easily.

He could hear the blushing smile in her voice as she said, "I love you, too, Roy."

* * *

><p><em>AN: NK: That was a really hard chapter to write. Sorry it's on the short side, I just really wanted it to be over, especially since Ed decided that it would be okay to knee Roy in the balls._

_Ed: Hell yeah._

_Roy: Fuck you!_

_NK: Please review!_


	7. Happenings

_A/N: Not really a full chapter, more a collection of snippets. No warnings._

* * *

><p><strong><em>Happenings.<em>**

A newly promoted General can't keep his eyes of a particular blond at a congratulatory soirée. Their time in Ishbal was over…

As the crowd cheers the newlyweds, a lone man, suitcase in hand, hails a cab in Central…

Underneath a sunny blue sky, on a porch of a countryside house, a mother and father dandy their one-year old twins on their knees when a letter arrives.

…

_August 21, 1922_

_Al,_

_Sorry, I haven't written in a while. Still in Aerugo, not much to tell except I keep getting sand in my automail (don't tell Winry!). I should just avoid the beach altogether. _

_I read your most recent article on chimera reversal. CONGRATS, Al!_

_That's all I really wanted to say. I'm eating and sleeping._

_Give the kids and Winry a big hug for me._

_-Ed_

_PS I'm sending a book._

…

A gentle breeze toys with the blond ponytail of a young man as he hauls another sack of seed from a truck. He grins cockily at a dusky-skinned gypsy with thick black lashes…

Night falls on a father with his newborn daughter in his arms, their coal-black hair a perfect match…

Another father attempts to keep his twins from pulling on the house cat's tail while finishing up a phone call with an old friend in Central. His wife finds an anticipated package on the porch.

…

_September 7, 1924_

_Al,_

_Hope the bi-monthly letter is on time this time (it better be, I paid for a rush delivery!). Met a band of gypsies. They have some interesting theories about alchemy, even if it is all muddled with that mysticism crap._

_I'm still with that girl I told you about, I know you're wondering. No, she isn't coming back with me. Don't pretend like you weren't thinking that, I know you. _

_Hope you find this book useful. As you can probably guess, I don't have the resources available to decode it._

_I know the kids are great and so is Winry, so just give them my love and give the old hag a hug._

_-Ed_

_PS I miss you._

…

In a hayloft, soft neighing mixes with the moans of a blond man writhing in pleasure as he dreams about a lover with fine black hair and thick lashes…

A young toddler with fine black hair plays with towheaded twins at the newly inaugurated Fuhrer's estate…

An elderly woman smokes her last pipe on a cool, starlit night…

…

_April 10, 1928_

_Al,_

_It's been a while. I want to come home, I do, but there's one more lead on a book about the Gate. I hope you aren't too upset. _

_Money's tight, so I may not be able to write much, but I know you guys are okay. You don't need me, right?_

_I miss you a lot._

_-Ed_

…

Al read the latest missive again and sighed. It had been a year since it's posting. Carefully refolding it he slipped it back into its envelope and placed it in a drawer with all of Ed's other letters.

"Of course I need you," he whispered to no one.

* * *

><p><em>AN: _**_Please review!_**


	8. Fast as you can

_A/N: Warning: time jump, drug abuse, violence, and yaoi below!_

* * *

><p><strong>Fast as you can.<strong>

It was the high-pitched scream that sent Roy racing down the carpeted hallway. He knew exactly where the sound had come from and whose voice had been raised to such a painful pitch. Throwing open the door at the end of the hall, he took in the scene in a glance: A wine bottle was smashed on the wooden floor, toys and books were strewn around the room, and small, white furniture was broken from being thrown against walls in anger. Lastly, his eyes settled on the hunched over figure of his wife, she had her hands around something…

"NO! ANA!" He crossed the room in two forceful strides and grabbed his wife from behind who began hurling slurred curses at him. Throwing her to the side, he caught his nine-year-old daughter as she fell to the floor. Vicious red and purple finger-shaped marks wrapped around her pale neck, which shuddered to life with her gasps and coughs.

"Oh thank God," he whispered into her fine black hair. She had begun to cry and clutch at his shirt, so he spoke quiet, soothing words to her. Then a groan came from a few feet behind him and he stood up, holding his little girl in one arm and stared at his wife. She pushed her lank blonde hair out of her face and glared up at her husband.

"Dontch'you look at _me _like that, Roy! I don' need yer fucking pity! Jus' get that lil' bitch away from me!"

"Vivica! She's your daughter!" He would've said more, but then two guards came running in.

"Sir! Is everything alright?" The first guard, a statuesque Ishbalan woman, stepped forward first. An uncertain look passed in her ruby eyes as she took in the scene, but she didn't say anything and neither did his wife, for which Roy was grateful.

"Yes." He stroked his daughter's head. "Please take Ana to her room and stay with her. If she asks for me, have a servant come get me immediately. Do not leave her side, Inani."

"Of course, sir." The warrior and nanny took the girl from his arms and whispered something in Ishbalan to calm her whimpering. As they left, Roy turned to the other guard who was still waiting for orders, carefully keeping his eyes trained on a spot just below the wall clock.

"I can handle this on my own, you're dismissed."

"Yes, sir, Fuhrer Mustang." The man left, closing the door behind him.  
>" 'Yes sir, Fuhrer Mussstang!'" Viv mimicked in a nasal voice. She pushed herself up off the floor and staggered towards him. "Oh Fuhrer Musstang, leader of the people, the Rebuilder, the great Flame alchemis'. HA!" She clenched her fists in his shirt as tears began to run down her haggard face, "Roy, Roy…what happened? Why dontch'you love me anymore?...I don't understand. Why? Why? WHY?" She began to pound her fists against his chest and then raised her hand to claw his face, but he grabbed both of her wrists. Wailing screams erupted from her, loud and forlorn as she struggled weakly to get away from him. "I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you." Each word tore through her raw throat, jagged-edged and dripping with despair. Finally she grew quiet and Roy grit his teeth. It pained him to see her like this, drunk and drugged out of her mind and sorrow. Now he couldn't hide her away anymore; she was a danger to his precious little girl.<p>

Checking his anger and guilt, because it was his fault that she was like this, he sat her down in a window seat and looked at her sadly. He had been preparing to put her in a rehabilitation center for a long time, but his guilt kept holding him back.

_If we had never married_…golden eyes flashed in his mind and the usual accompanying ache bloomed in his chest. But no, then he wouldn't have Ana, but this…

He walked into the hall and called for a servant. Giving quick instructions to the man, he walked back into the thrashed nursery and thanked the heavens again, this time for allowing Viv to pass out. Scooping her up, he sighed as he felt her bony limbs and knobby back pressing into his arms. Her face was drawn and sallow from lack of sunlight and peaceful sleep. He was kind to her, had been for the last ten years of their marriage, but it wasn't enough. She wanted _his_ love, but every time he looked at her, he saw what he had walked away from and became quietly resentful. The only joy their union had brought him was Ana, whom she had just attempted to kill.

Roy carried her downstairs and through the front door. A car was waiting in the circular driveway. Another wash of shame flooded over Roy as he thought about how prepared he was for this day.

The first time he had found her passed out in the middle of the foyer five years ago was the same day he hired Inani. She became Ana's nanny, then tutor, while acting as bodyguard unless she was in the care of her mother, which happened less and less often as the years passed and the large bottles, and later the little bottles, began to pile up. He had thought he could contain it and did for a while, managing to clean her up and dry her out for state functions and public family outings. This year, his third as Fuhrer, he announced that she had become chronically ill and unable to perform the public duties of the Fuhrer's wife.

And now he was placing her in the back of a car, to be taken far to the south to Aerugo. Roy kissed her damp forehead and closed the door. Sighing for what seemed the millionth time that day, the Fuhrer turned back to his estate to make his daughter lunch.

* * *

><p>Al tapped his pen on his chin, contemplating the complex array in front of him. It was drawn in pink chalk, which didn't diminish its clean, sweeping arcs and ornate, octagonal center design.<p>

"So Papa, what do you think? Did I do it right?" Liesel looked up at him with sky blue eyes, Winry's eyes, nervousness apparent on her young face.

"That depends, Lee. What is it supposed to do?" He knew the answer, but he wanted to make sure she had done her homework.

"Well…it's supposed to make a ball of light."

"And…." He prodded.

"And it does that by making atoms pair up and polarizing them. This causes static electricity and then, light," she finished brightly.

"Very good Lee. Now let's see it." The young girl bent down and placed her hands on the array. Green light flashed and the smell of ozone filled the study. Moments later, sure enough a crackling, blue-white ball of light hovered above the array. Liesel beamed at her father and he mussed her hair affectionately.

"Excellent Lee! How about we—"

"Al? Lee? Lunch is ready!" Winry called.

"Coming Win! Go on and wash up Lee, you know how your mom is about chalk dust at the table," he said in a fake scary voice. The little blonde giggled and ran off before the tickle monster, a.k.a. Papa, could get her. A smile lingered on Al's face as he deactivated the array. _She's so bright._ That's when his other eleven-year-old, Charles, poked his head in. It never ceased to amaze Al how much he looked like Ed at that age. At the thought of his missing brother, Al sighed.

"Papa, are you thinking about Uncle Ed again?" His large golden eyes peered up at Al, who was never one to lie to his children. _So perceptive._

"Yes, son, I was. But it's okay, I just miss him that's all. You'd miss Lee if she went away, right?"

"Yeah, she's my twin," the boy said as if it made all the sense in the world.

" Your Uncle Ed and I are as close as you and Lee." The boy nodded in solemn understanding. Then his stomach growled and Al laughed. "Come on you, it's time for lunch." _They're so innocent, so much more so than Ed and I were at that age._ He glanced wistfully at a photo on his desk, it was taken at his wedding, just him and Ed and Winry, arms thrown around each other as if they were kids again. _Brother, I miss you_.

He followed his son out into the hallway when a loud knock caught his attention. _I wonder who that could be?_ "Charles, go on ahead to the table, let your mom know that I'll be there in a minute." His son nodded and took off in the direction of the kitchen. Squinting in the sunlight as he opened the door, Al was met with a gruff, "Afternoon, would you be Alphonse Elric?"

"Um, yes. Is that for me?" He pointed to the large, black steamer trunk that sat and just _looked_ like it weighed a ton.

"Yes," the man answered irritably. Al could see why, he was drenched in sweat, clearly after hauling the trunk up the small slope from his truck. He handed Al the clipboard, "Sign here."

The blond quickly scribbled his signature and watched as the man stumped down the hill before turning his attention to the trunk. It seemed vaguely familiar, but he couldn't place where he had seen it before. _Well, looking at it isn't going to get it inside._ Bending to grab one handle, he gave an experimental tug upwards. Finding it only marginally lighter than what he had guessed, Al lugged it into the house and then his study.

It had definitely seen better days. The leather was worn and more grey than black and the brass corners had taken a beating during its travels, but for the most part the trunk was nondescript. Squatting, he took hold of the metal clasps and flipped them up. A small crackle of blue white light made him smile. _Only Brother can set this type of array for a lock_. Looking inside, he was perplexed by all of the books, not that there were books, but the fact that they were all brand new and had the same black leather binding with gold lettering on the side. A white envelope rested on top with _Al_ written on it.

Before he could open it, Winry burst into the room, hands on hips and a terrifying scowl in place.

"Alphonse Elric! I told you to come to lunch twenty minutes ago!"

"H-hi dear. Something came from Ed," he said, hoping that it would distract her from his tardiness. Luck was on his side as her azure eyes widened.

"Oh." But then her scowl returned. "You've waited four years to hear from him, another hour isn't going to hurt. Now come eat, before I make myself a widow." A wrench appeared from now were, gleaming evilly in the afternoon light.

"C-coming right now, hehe," he slunk past her and down the hall.

...

After safely making it through lunch and giving Liesel some intense reading on water alchemy, Al turned to the letter that now lay on his desk. Using a silvered letter opener, he cleanly opened the envelope lengthwise and pulled out a single sheet of paper with Ed's writing on it.

_Al,_

_I know it's been a while since my last letter, sorry about that, I've been a bit busy. I know, I know, I still could've sent a postcard or something, but I really _was_ busy. I hope you can forgive me._

_In the trunk are two years' worth of translating rare Alchemy and Alkahestry texts that I've collected during my travels. Some of the originals were too delicate to ship, so I made new copies of all of them. I didn't completely decode them; I knew you would enjoy that part. Does that make up for not writing? Probably not._

_Give my love to Winry and the kids._

_I miss you._

_- Ed_

_PS I'm coming home soon._

Al's heart lifted at the postscript. _When is 'soon'? Brother, why can't you ever be more explicit!_ Over the last decade, he had received a letter or a postcard, even a book, from time to time during Ed's travels. Then, four years ago, all communications stopped and Al desperately wanted to go search for him, but he had a family to take care of and couldn't go gallivanting across the globe looking for Ed. Somehow, he knew his older brother was still alive. He was aware that Ed had been doing some translation, but he had never imagined that it was on this scale.

Putting the letter down, he grabbed the first book out of the trunk and opened it. On the first page was the date, location and original owner of the text when Ed found it. This particular one was from a coastal town in Aerugo. Smiling, he put it down and looked at the picture on his desk.

_Brother, we'll be waiting._

_I'll wait as long as it takes._

* * *

><p>Sunlight streamed through scarlet chiffon drapes, making blond brows knit in a scowl. Ed turned over, unwilling to accept the coming day, he was <em>so <em>tired, but no matter which way he turned he couldn't get back to sleep. Stretched out on his back, he rubbed his eyes and grimaced at the gold powder and kohl that streaked his fingers. He hated putting on makeup, but Ling insisted that he wear it last night, that it was only fitting for his "golden-haired lover to look for all the world like a child of the sun". Ed had almost punched his face in, but decided to give in to make the man shut up. Speaking of, the warm, naked form next to him began to move.

"Mmm, I am glad it doesn't come off so easily," Ling murmured into Ed's side. "Otherwise, I would never get to enjoy it." Soft lips kissed a meandering path up his chest, stopping once to pay special attention to a nipple before breaking into a grin. "Good morning, Edward."

"Don't you mean good afternoon?" Ed leaned over the side of the bed, causing Ling to whimper at the loss of warmth, hand blindly groping underneath the edge of the bed frame. Finally, he leaned back and popped open the lid of his pocket watch. "It's already 12:30. We have _got_ to stop partying so much." Ed let out a jaw cracking yawn. "Or better yet, next time, you take one of your _forty-two_ wives with you. Hell, take all of them and let me go to bed at a reasonable hour."

"My my, so grumpy this morning. Are you hung over?" Ling had draped half of himself on top of Ed now, despite his scowling, and was tracing circles on his chest.

"What do you think?" Ed muttered and rubbed his temples. _I'm getting too old for this._

"I know just what you need. I was saving it for later, but I think it would make you less…" The emperor cupped his hand to Ed's cheek and dragged his thumb down gold painted lips. "…irritable. Although you are so pretty when you're angry." Ed snarled and Ling just laughed. "See? Beautiful as a ferocious wild cat!"

Ed frowned as a red flush washed across his face. "I'm goin' to the baths. Need to wash _this_ off my face." As he got up, Ling caught his wrist.

"Tsk, tsk, Edward. I want to enjoy it some more. I think it looks even better than last night. Gold really does suit you. I don't know why you insist on wearing black all of the time. It's depressing." The dark-haired man pulled Ed back on to the bed, disregarding the spark of anger in his eyes.

"Ling, I'm not in the mood, so let go. Besides aren't you still sore from last night?"

"It doesn't matter. _I_ am taking _you_." The dark-haired man straddled Ed, pinning his wrists above his head.

"Ling…"he growled. Said source of his irritation was nuzzling his neck, but he really, _really_ wanted to bathe.

Not turning from his ministrations, Ling's voice was muffled as he replied, "What is it?"

"Let. Go. Last chance."

"I'll take it then." Ed rolled them off the bed, landing on top and tried to break free, but Ling's grip was like a vise and he had no wish the significantly hurt him. White teeth clamped down onto well-muscled arm and Ling shouted, releasing Ed's wrists. The blond rolled off immediately, laying alongside the other man, both of them a little winded. Ling examined the bloodied bite-mark on his arm while Ed prodded a darkening bruise on his ribs. The emperor was up first and extended a hand to the blond to help him up, which Ed took, only to be slammed against the wall. Smug dark eyes stared into defiant gold as the emperor kissed his consort, rolling his hips into the blond's, humming in amusement at his lover's growing need. Pinning Ed's hands above his head with one hand, Ling used the other to turn his lover's face to the side and sucked hard on the blond's pulse, leaving yet another mark to blend with the others that dotted his neck like violets. Fingertips swept a tingling line down the bronzed torso as Ling battled Ed with his tongue, but the blond's resistance was gone; his body a throbbing ember of desire.

The emperor hummed in satisfaction and let Ed's wrists go, pressing closer when his arms wrapped around his neck. Ed moaned loudly as Ling ground their erections together. Using the taller man's height as leverage, he hoisted himself up just enough to wrap his legs around the slender hips. Grabbing one pale hand, Ed slipped two fingers his mouth, pink tongue darting between them. He looked up into Ling's eyes from beneath kohl-darkened lashes, lust turning his golden gaze to beaten bronze.

"That's enough," Ling said huskily. "I want your mouth." The blond submitted willingly to the kiss, letting his wanton nature take over. Tanned hips bucked as one finger, then two were slipped inside of him, sliding and stretching. And then Ling was there, nudging his tight entrance tentatively.

"What're you waiting for?" Ed panted. He wanted to be filled, now. Slanted eyes narrowed in delight, he loved it when the blond got impatient. Moving painstakingly slow, he pushed in little by little until he was fully sheathed. "Took you long enough."

"Patience is a virtue, no?"

"Just fuck me."

"As you wish." With one arm supporting his lover, he reached up and smoothed Ed's bangs away from his face, his thumb smudging a line of kohl across his temple. He watched avariciously as Ed moaned and panted with each thrust, gold-dusted lids closed as his body arched into his own, pursuing more contact. Snaking a hand between them, Ed fisted his sex in time with Ling's pumping, the two racing headlong towards a temporal oblivion. The emperor tried not to lose himself in the tight, pulsing heat of Ed's body, the artless way he tossed his golden head in pleasure, or the needy whine just barely held in check. That whine became a guttural cry as Ed spilled his release, forcing Ling to follow suit as the blond stiffened and clamped down around him.

When it was over and all that was left were the dancing fireflies of afterglow, Ling rested his forehead on his lover's shoulder. He could feel their heartbeats thumping in sync.

"Feel any better my pornographic sex kitten?"

"Somewhat," Ed mumbled. He didn't particularly care for Ling's pet names, but at least they were….different. "I still need that bath. That pompous Drachman ass kept blowing his cigar smoke at me." Lifting a lock of hair to his nose, he sniffed and made a face. "I smell like an ashtray. Come on," he said as he pulled a smiling Ling to the bathroom.

Bathroom was really an understatement. Bath hall was a much more accurate name for the collection of baths, whirlpools and showers. Verdant plant life and warm lighting softened the austere lines of the dark wood and gilded fixtures. It was normally empty at that time of day and today was no exception. Feeling generous, he sat on a stool near a shower and let Ling wash his hair. Ed was always amazed: no matter who had shared his bed over the years, male or female, they all held a fascination with his hair. He didn't really understand it and decided, right then, that he wanted to know.

"Ling, can I ask you a question?"

"You just did." Ed opened his mouth to retort, but Ling cut him off, "But whatever you want to ask, my love, go right ahead."

Ed rolled his eyes in a way that said _How 'Ling' of you_. " I was going to ask why people obsess over my hair. I don't get it. It's hair."

"Hmmm. I know why _I_ like it so much, but I cannot say that it's true for everyone else." He rinsed the suds from the long strands as he explained, "Ed." The blond tilted his head back and caught Ling's gaze. "_You_ are the definition of masculinity, from your personality to your physical appearance. Except for your hair. It's the one thing that's remotely soft and feminine about you, but you don't fawn over it like some men." Ed pulled it up into a bun and the two scrubbed underneath the shower. "It exists as a part of you, no more, no less. But that doesn't make it any less visually striking, especially when paired with those golden eyes of yours. Exotic doesn't begin to cover it." Ed smirked at that. Any suggestion that he was less than 100% male used to send him into a rage, but age and Xingese philosophy of yin and yang had mellowed him out significantly.

"If you say so."

The two moaned as they eased into a hot whirlpool bath. Ed relaxed against the rim and let the steamy, swirling water soothe his tired muscles. Ling was insatiable in bed, so each night was a marathon, pushing Ed's body and arousal to the limit each time, but he loved it for more than the obvious reasons. Sex put him on another plane of thought, above the distractions and the extraneous, allowing elaborate theories to unravel before him and unbridling his genius. One had just unraveled now.

"Hey Ling?"

"Hm?"

"I think it's time." At first Ling didn't say anything, but the finality of the statement spurred him to straddle Ed's hips and look into his golden eyes.

"Are you sure?" His eyes searched for any trace of doubt in his lover's face, but he was met with all of Ed's staunch certainty.

"Yeah." An expression full of sadness and resignation passed over royal features, before being replaced with his usual impish smile.

"If you say so. It will be hard to replace you." He slid off of Ed's lap. "A friend, a lover, a translator, a political advisor, and a master scholar and practitioner of alchemy and alkahestry. Where will I find another person like that?" A sigh punctuated the list.

Ed stood up, water running down his muscular form in rivulets. "You knew this was coming eventually."

"That doesn't make it any less difficult."

Ed scratched the back of his head. "How can I make it up to you?"

"Stay."

"I can't do that." Ling got up and wrapped his arms around Ed's waist and leaned his forehead against his friend's.

"Please?" He whispered. "The emperor of Xing is begging you."

"I'm sorry."

Ling sighed and pressed a gentle kiss to Ed's scrubbed lips. "Don't be."

Ed simply returned the kiss in response.

...

By two o'clock, Ed was dressed, fed, and sitting in his office and making a list of things to do before he headed back west. It was much easier to get from Amestris to Xing with the new transnational railway that had been built under Fuhrer Mustang. Ed frowned, for some reason he always sensed there was something that he was forgetting whenever the ruler's name was mentioned, but he just shrugged it off to getting older. He had so much to do! There wasn't time to try and recall silly facts about a ruler that he could only vaguely remember anyway. Almost 13 years ago, he had worked under his command while trying to get Al's body back and he was the commanding officer during the rebuilding of Ishbal, but his memories of the man himself were fuzzy like a painting doused with paint thinner. Some traces of the original remained, but it was largely obscured by time and poor memory.

A shadow flitted in the corner of his eye and he smirked. _Of course she's here._

"Good afternoon Lan Fan, what can I do for you?" He turned around in his office chair to face the tense young woman. She was still acting as personal bodyguard to Ling, citing that she was 'more useful keeping away unwanted knives as a guard than as a wife.'

"You know why I am here. The emperor has been unhappy and I finally discovered the reason. You cannot leave." She had taken off her mask to scowl at him fiercely.

"Yes, I can. I never promised to stay any longer than the translation of my texts would take; he knew this. Seeing as how I finished those a month ago, I think I'm being generous. I haven't left yet because he's my friend and I didn't want to go without making sure he's okay. He doesn't know it yet, but all of the roles I've played for the past couple of years have already been filled." He turned back to his desk to signal that the conversation was over.

"But he loves you. Only _you_ can fill that role." The blond's shoulders stiffened at that. Remaining faced towards the desk he replied, "I don't feel the same way. He's my friend, one of my closest to be sure. But, having a man as his consort doesn't ensure a glorious future for Xing. And, he hasn't fulfilled _his_ role as husband or father since I've arrived at the palace." Lan Fan made a sound of disgust to which he replied, "Don't act like a child, Lan Fan. Just leave it be." A soft rustle of fabric indicated her departure and he sighed. That last problem with his being in Xing bothered him the most, but years alone, only finding respite in aloof lovers during his travels, had allowed him this transgression.

The Guilt, his permanently attached collar, grew heavy. _I can't stay, I have to go, I have to run away_. But what was he running from? He couldn't remember. It was true, he cared for his friend, but he wasn't in love. Ed was sure he knew what that felt like, didn't he? The throbbing that had begun in his left temple began to spread. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes before looking out the window behind his large desk. Ed was glad he didn't have much to take with him, just some rare books that he would carry with him and the clothes he took when he first left Central.

_I've been wandering for so long, maybe I _should_ just stay._ He thought about his travels for the past ten years. He had left almost immediately after receiving his discharge papers, heading south first and hadn't stopped moving since then. Something kept driving him away from home. He had spent a couple of years in Aerugo, two in Creta, and another eventful three in Drachma before ending up in the northern mountains of Xing. It had taken him a year to reach the capital city. Ed smiled in remembrance of his first day there.

…

_Dust and smoke from various food vendors filled the sultry air, making Ed's eyes burn. He milled with the hundreds of others in the market that day, not attracting any attention due to his tattered wanderer's clothing. A wide-brimmed straw hat covered his blond head and he was dressed head to toe in layers of beige. It wasn't long before he found himself on the edge of a large square where more permanent shops and better dressed citizens strolled._

_A loud crash of a brass gong shattered the peaceful din, announcing the arrival of some important official. Not paying any mind, Ed continued to scan the overhead signs for a decent hotel for the night. Not seeing anything promising, he sighed as he crossed the square, completely oblivious in his exhaustion as a car headed directly towards him. At the last second, he noticed the vehicle heading straight for him and rolled out of the way. The gilt and red car came to a stop and soon Ed found himself surrounded by guards. Hoping not to use violence or alchemy, he sat there and listened as the driver opened a car door and footsteps delicately scuffed the stone pavement. The hem of a blue and vermillion robe that had intricate gold embroidery swished into his field of vision. Lack of documentation would land him in prison and if he looked up then it would be obvious that he wasn't from Xing. How many people could possibly be wondering around with golden eyes?_

"_You should watch where you are going. Are you hurt?" A familiar voice asked. A voice he hadn't heard since he was eighteen._

"_Ling?" he rasped. It had been a while since his last drink of water and he was parched. Turning his eyes upward, he squinted against the sunlight and tried to make out the shadowed features of the man standing before him. One of the guards hissed, "That's Emperor Yao, you cur!"_

_The man raised a hand to silence his guard and cocked his head to the side, "Edward? Is that really you?"_

_Ed moved to his feet in one fluid motion to stand eye-level with his old friend._

"_The one and only. How's it goin' emperor?" He said as he flashed a rakish grin at Ling._

…

A soft knock on the door interrupted his reminiscing before opening to reveal Ling's personal attendant. He turned to face her, patiently waiting for the woman to speak.

"Excuse for interrupting sir, but the emperor has requested your service as translator in the throne room."

"I'm busy and his highness already has a new translator. Please tell him I said to stop 'requesting' me to come to the throne room. He has everything and everyone he needs to run his court today." The woman scurried away with a bow. Sighing, Ed got to work organizing and packing his office. He could've had a servant do it, but even after all this time of living a royal life, he wasn't entirely comfortable with delegating such menial tasks unless it was absolutely necessary. With each book or paper he put away, a little bit of the guilt disappeared.

The stars were twinkling in the dusky sky when he finished and his stomach rumbled in protest of skipping dinner. The sound of the door once again scraping against the floor caught his attention. Ling, in full court dress, came in, a frown pulling at his mouth.

"Edward." He said in greeting, although it sounded more like a reprimand.

"Emperor," he tried and failed to keep the exasperation out of his voice. "Did you find your new translator and political advisor helpful today?"

"That's not why I am here. I want to ask you to reconsider or at least tell me why you must leave." Ed closed his eyes to that fake impish smile. He knew it was just an act.

"Ling…I don't know how to explain it. It's simply time for me to go home, I've been away for too long." Opening his eyes, he endured Ling's scrutiny and leaned against the desk. The emperor turned to take in the empty office and two trunks filled with years of research.

"You've restored your brother's body and somehow retrieved your alchemy…what more do you need? Why can't _here_ be your home?" When Ed didn't say anything, Ling sighed and in a much warmer tone said, "I guess I'll never know. Come, you need to eat." He held out his hand, which Ed took by way of apology and allowed himself to be pulled into a kiss full of desperation and sadness.

The last few days of Ed's life in Xing passed in a quiet rush. His days were filled with errands and administrative work, while his nights were spent in passionate and tender lovemaking. It's what Ling had asked for and Ed couldn't deny him—it was equivalent exchange. Nothing kept Ling away from his bed once his duties as emperor concluded for the day, not parties or diplomatic visits nor his wives and children.

The night before his departure, the two were in bed and Ling was tracing the outlines of the tattoo that covered Ed's back. It was the Flamel: A scarlet cross started in between his shoulder blades and ended at the top of his tailbone. Ebon ink outlined large angelic wings that framed the cross and the emerald green serpent that was entwined around it. Lastly, a bejeweled crown floated above all of it. He had always wondered why Ed had gotten it, but the one time he asked a faraway look clouded that aureate gaze in a way that frightened him. Whatever the reason, his lover's eyes had told him that the memory was painful and tonight was already bittersweet.

Ed turned over and examined Ling's face intently before leaning in for a kiss. Parted lips welcomed the intrusion and a moan vibrated in their joined mouths as Ed situated himself between the other's legs.

Nothing was said because there was nothing left to say.

Knowing that the dark-haired man beneath him was still plenty stretched from their last three sessions that night, the blond slid his hardened cock in smoothly, another moan escaping from him as Ling gasped in pleasure. The emperor wrapped his arms about Ed's shoulders as he locked his legs around that slender waist. Slow, hard thrusts coaxed Ed's name from Ling's lips and the blond bent down to nuzzle at the pale neck. Ling tilted his head back to give his lover better access, which Ed made swift use of, leaving coin-sized bruises along the column of his throat and collarbone.

Unable to quell the rising emotion in him, tears streaked silently across Ling's temples as his body yearned for more, more touching, more of Ed. He wanted years not hours.

Soft kisses brushed away the outpouring of want and Ed's hips slowed even more to make the pleasure last as long as possible. Ling could taste the salt on his lover's lips as a whimper garnered him access to Ed's mouth.

The burn in his groin was being fanned into a bonfire and Ling was sure that if his desire grew any more then he would be consumed. He slid a hand into Ed's golden hair, which glowed in the moonlight, loving the way it slipped through his fingers like the finest threads of silk. In between his own cries and gasps for more, he could hear his heart breaking. Not the hormone-fueled discomfort he'd felt when he left Ed the first time; they had just been kids, fumbling in the dark and trying to comfort each other during what seemed like an impossible mission. Now, he was sure that his chest was being pried open and his heart mercilessly ripped out by a beast of despair.

Ed was moving faster now, unable to maintain the slow rhythm as the heat built between them. He could feel Ling's heart beating so hard that he almost mistook it for his own. Everything, he wanted to give his friend everything on this night, despite knowing that it wasn't enough. He grasped Ling's free hand and laced their fingers together as he pushed them higher and higher.

Ling was the first to fall, plummeting from that great height into oblivion as ripples of light danced behind his eyelids. "Edward, please…"he whispered.

Ed didn't know if that plea was for him to finish or to stay beyond tomorrow, but he tensed and felt the world turn white, gold, bloody wine, and then the moonlit black of the bedroom. Rolling to the side, he cuddled up behind Ling, keeping their hands twined and waited for the other to fall asleep.

...

In the grey light of the morning, tinted red by the drapes, Ed lay in the same position in which he'd fallen asleep and marveled at the nape of Ling's neck. Pale, olive-toned skin faded beneath a perfect W of raven hair. A familiar feeling tugged at the edges of his memory, a sense of _wrongness_ at the image before him, but Ed couldn't put his finger on it. That feeling would steal over him at the oddest moments, like now, no matter who he was with. In particular, he noticed that sensation of displacement would bubble up whenever his partner smirked at him. Gently, he disentangled himself from the peaceful sleeper and sat up, drawing his knees to his chest and resting his cheek on his knee.

The lack of warmth finally made Ling stir from his slumber and turn over, alert and watchful, to face Ed. The blond laid back down facing his friend.

"I'm sorry," Ed said softly and Ling smiled at that.

"Why? It isn't your fault that I love you _or_ that you don't love me."

"But, if I hadn't come…"

"I would be happier? I wouldn't feel so miserable right now, yes," Ling finished lightly. Ed winced at that, but warm fingers lifted his chin. "But, I would still have you, the light of my life, for a year, than not have you at all. You really don't understand how special you are." A pink flush heated Ed's cheeks and Ling laughed.

"How do can you say those things with a straight face? Why do you always have to be so…"Ed grumbled.

"Romantic? Poetic? Charming?" Ling waggled his eyebrows on the last one.

"…sap-tastic."

"First of all, that's not a word and I would appreciate it if you didn't butcher my mother tongue so. Secondly, Edward, you don't have a romantic bone in your body."

"Damn straight," Ed replied cockily.

"Which you aren't." Ed just laughed, it filled the palatial bedroom with its throaty, full, and free quality. As his laughs died down, he moved on top of Ling and gave him a quick kiss. "Thanks I needed that. Now are you joining me in the shower, or not?"

…

Ed made Ling promise that there would be no ceremony or fanfare when he left and there wasn't, but that didn't stop the emperor from seeing his first consort off at the train station. Dressed in a crisp black button-down and black slacks, he watched as his trunks were loaded into the luggage car.

"Why must you wear so much black, Edward?" Ling asked irritably as he eyed his lover's form critically. Ed shrugged.

"Answer me. Don't be rude," he ordered, but it came out whinier than he wanted. Ed sighed, shoved his hands in his pockets and turned to face the emperor.

"I suppose you bitching is better than you crying. Marginally. And I wear black because I like it." The conductor rang the five-minute warning. "I have to go, don't be like this."

A defeated look passed over the emperor's, but was quickly replaced by his usual impish grin. "Hm. I will not say good bye. I'm not ready for it and… I still hope that I can convince you to stay the next time we meet."

A small smile played over Ed's lips as he said understandingly, "I can understand that. Until next time." The two clasped each other's wrists in parting and Ling had to resist the urge to grab the blond's wrist again as Ed turned to get on the train. The alchemist glanced over his shoulder and flashed his friend his most devilish grin before disappearing into the train car.

* * *

><p>Roy wasn't sure what was worse: meeting with Parliament, press conferences, or paperwork. As he tapped his pen against the sheet in front of him, he decided it was paperwork, convinced that the government made it a point to use the most dry, tedious language known to man. Sighing, he rested his chin in his hand and wondered how his little Ana was doing…<p>

A soft, metallic snick and gentle puff of hair made him return his thoughts to the tall blonde entering his office.

"Hey Chief. I got somethin' important for you. Apparently, it was addressed from Xing to the education department." Roy quirked a smoky brow at that and took the manila folder from him. "Normally, they would take care of it, but the director over there said that you should look over it first." With that Havoc turned to go, quietly shutting the door behind him. Turning his attention to the papers that he had just been given, he picked up the first page. It was a cover letter, perfectly typed on bright white paper:

_To whom it may concern,_

_I, Edward Elric, request that the Office of Commerce and Labor please review the enclosed application for accreditation for a school of Alchemy and educator's license. This application includes:_

_1 Academic Center Accreditation form_

_1 National Educator License form_

_A complete file of work history and training records_

_1 check for 1000 Cenz for application processing fees_

_Please feel free to contact me by phone at ERS-323503 or by mail at_

_MR Edward Elric_

_Sunset Lane 946_

_81669 Risembool_

_AMESTRIS_

_Regards,_

_Edward Elric_

Roy's gaze lingered on those last two words, a name he hadn't heard in years. The last time that Roy had seen Ed was at his wedding and only briefly. What was Ed doing in Xing? Where had he been all of these years? Why was he opening a school for Alchemy? Questions kept chasing each other around his head and it was drumming up a headache.

"Havoc!" Something crashed and the blond stumbled in, confusion written all over his face.

"Yeah Chief? What is it?"

"Please take these forms to the Department of Education and tell them to inform the applicant that he has thirty days to come in for an interview. That'll be all."

"Sir." Jean raised his eyebrows at the Fuhrer and shuffled out of the office. _Edward Elric._ The name stirred up old memories, some that roared to life with their own heat and others that needed some dusting off. What burned the most brightly was that last time to he spoke to the blond in person.

…

_He sat on one of the leather couches in his office, nursing a tumbler of scotch when a loud knock came at the door. It was late, but he had been counting down the days to this moment. The butterflies in his stomach hadn't drowned in the amber fluid yet as he heaved himself up from his seat and tried not to stumble. Opening his office door revealed the brilliant, beautiful blond that had made him fall desperately, fatally, and abjectly in love. Ed had become one of his closest friends and memories of all the half-moments they had shared made him pause: a brush of a hand here, a warm look there, gourmet coffee just the way he liked it on a bad day….so many little things._

"_General?"_

"_Colonel Elric, please come in." He did it again, brushing past him so closely he could smell the scent of shampoo and gear oil from his hair. The young man situated himself on the opposing couch and crossed his legs as Roy closed the door and locked it._

"_Do you have an answer?" Roy sat on the other couch facing the man who had defeated a god and nodded. He motioned to an envelope on the coffee table. It was square and in sapphire blue calligraphy was written 'Edward Elric'. He cocked his head at the dark-haired man who still said nothing._

"_Is that it?" Roy just nodded lamely again and Ed picked up the letter and pulled out a card made of the same ivory paper as the envelope. Inside the card in the same delicate writing was an invitation to Roy and Viv's wedding._

"_I see," Ed said softly. Roy wanted to beg for forgiveness. If and when his candidacy for Fuhrer became threatened, being the clever, intelligent man that he was, he _would_ rationalize away his relationship with Ed as an 'unnecessary thing, just a curiosity', just so that he could end it with little remorse. He didn't ask because he didn't deserve it and anything he said would only be an excuse._

_Roy's voice remained cold, "I thought you should be the first to know, we're announcing it at the celebration tomorrow."_

"_Congratulations. Do you have a pen?" Ed looked him dead in the eye and being too cowardly to allow him to see behind his masks, Roy turned away, pretending to busy himself with pulling a pen out of his breast pocket. He dropped it into Ed's expectant hand, not trusting his resolve if he touched him. The blond bent over the coffee table and filled out the card, then handed it to Roy when he was done. 'I will attend.' was marked. "When did you decide?" Those auric eyes bore into him._

"_Right now." It was the truth, despite secretly asking Viv to marry him weeks ago, he still knew that if Ed raised so much as a whisper of protest, he would call the whole thing off. His resolve was weak._

"_Ah, the coward's way out. I should've known."_

"_Edward, let me at least say this. I lo—"_

"_I don't want to hear it." Ed flowed to his feet and walked around the coffee table. He cupped one side of Roy's face tenderly and bent down, locking eyes and bringing their faces so close that their lips brushed tentatively. "You'll receive my retirement papers tomorrow, general," he whispered. Roy let out a shuddering breath he didn't know he was holding when Ed swept away from him._

…

His face smoldered in remembrance of that caress as the familiar flames of anger and self-hate ignited within him. The printed blocks of text swam in front of him before a sharp rap on his door made him blink away his emotion. Impassive mask in place, he ordered, "Come!"

* * *

><p><em>AN: Phew! Long chapter. I promise the tattoo, memory loss, and the return of Ed's alchemy will be properly explained._

_The title of this particular chapter is from a great Fiona Apple song, "Fast As You Can", if that makes any sense at all._

**_Please review! Because reviewing is love!_**


	9. Is it ever gonna be enough?

_A/N: Warning! Torture, non-consensual sex acts, flashbacks._

* * *

><p><strong>Is it ever gonna be enough?<strong>

It had been years since anyone from his order had visited the shrine and for good reasons too; the journey was long and arduous even in the temperate summer months. It took a young, capable body to be able to scale the Stair, a winding, treacherous staircase that snaked up the side of the mountain to the monastery and church on the plateau. The monks did their best to maintain it, but they didn't use it often, relying on hot house methods to grow what little food they needed. Whatever else they lacked could be hauled up from the nearest village by an automated pulley system.

It had been quite some time since the order had initiated any new brothers—the move towards science had significantly dwindled the number of boys and young men willing to dedicate their lives to God and His mission. One of the requirements of their order was to take a pilgrimage to this holy place, where it is written that God touched the Earth and breathed life into the land.

Going up the Stair showed a commitment to one's pilgrimage and penitent aspect, but that didn't make the young brother any less winded. It was imperative to make the journey in the summer months when the gale force winds calmed themselves to cooling breezes. Sitting on the steps, he could feel the chill seeping through his travel leathers and breathed heavily before peering up the sheer rock face of the plateau. It was a long way to fall. Shaking his head at that thought he stood and readjusted the pack on his back.

"Up we go," he muttered to himself, wiping the sweat from his brown eyes.

He spent the day and half the night to reach the top as the sun rested above the horizon. It wouldn't properly set for another few months, which the young man appreciated. He was certain that he would've lost his footing a number of times without the summer light. A low rumble came from his stomach and he hoped that the monks had received his letter in time to prepare for his coming. Hot food and a real bed were blessings that he desperately needed.

Ten feet away from the top of the Stair was the entrance to the monastery. It was a simple wooden door; the isolation was defense enough although the high walls surrounding the compound gave the impression of a fortress. Trudging to the door, he knocked hard on the door and it swung open, squealing on its hinges.

_Well that's unusual. _He slipped through the opening in the doorway, not wanting to make any unnecessary sounds and looked around the courtyard in shock.

There was nothing there. A gaping hole that only left a jagged, foot-wide perimeter along the walls was left. The compound and church were sunk deep within the plateau. A cracked spire and enormous slabs of stone jutted from the pit. Trembling at the sight, the brother fell to his knees and cried out against this sacrilege of the holy place. He knew that relic was long lost to them now.

After sitting for what seemed an eternity, he began to take in smaller details of the destruction. Vines and weeds had already taken root at the top with many of the most exposed rock almost completely covered in ivy. Rust reddened any exposed metal and the elements had softened the craggy edges of the tumbled stonework. _This must have happened years ago, how did we not hear about this?_ Setting down his pack, he stood shakily and began to pick his way across the ledge jutting from the wall. From his westerly vantage point, he noticed that one of slabs had strange sweeping lines across it, unusually dark and vivid given the amount of weathering the surrounding stone had taken. It didn't look like anything he had seen at a monastery before, but was clearly part of a circle and a large one at that. _Could it be…alchemy?_

He had only seen it a handful of times himself, but he was certain that what he was looking at was a transmutation circle. The most sacred place in the world had been defiled by an alchemist. Rage bathed him in a hellish fire, consuming his grief and shock in the conflagration. He trembled, this time with fury._ I won't let this…monster get away with it!_

A most unholy purpose loomed before Brother Vadim: revenge.

* * *

><p>It took ten days to get to Ishbal from the capital of Xing.<p>

By the eighth day of seeing nothing but rolling sand dunes, Ed wanted to crawl up the walls in boredom. He had forgotten how mundane traveling was without a companion or at least something interesting to look at. While he was fluent in several different tongues now, he was an introvert by nature and had no interest in mingling with the other passengers because that was tiring. Exercising, reading, cards, writing, even meditating was tried before Ed settled for pacing around his suite. Some shred of his former reckless self urged him to climb on top of the train, but the adult in him knew that was a really bad idea, so he made serious efforts to resist it. At the end of his rope, he pulled down one of the bunk beds, toed off his black loafers, and stretched out with his hands clasped behind his head.

Eventually the rhythmic rocking of the train car lulled him into a light doze, but peace wouldn't visit him and wakefulness seemed out of reach.

…

_A fist squeezed around his esophagus for the fifth time as ice-cold water threatened to drown him. He wanted to scream, curse, howl, but the water kept coming. It stopped as abruptly as it started and his torturer's voice, as well known as any lover's, demanded in gruff Drachman, "What waits beyond the eye? Hell? Your master?" Ed couldn't answer, only it wasn't from defiance, but lack of ability. He was so cold, a deep chill that had settled in his bones and caused his automail port to ache and burn icily. He gasped weakly for air, the thin cloth over his face making each bid for oxygen a battle, one he was losing. _

"_So difficult. But it's to be expected from a golden-eyed demon." More water and hot tears streamed from his eyes. Pain coursed through his body like a river of needles and he arched against his bonds in a pathetic attempt to get away. His hands and foot had gone numb long ago, his captors keeping him hungry and cold, never allowing him to truly attain a normal body temperature. Once again it stopped raining and he prayed to a god he knew was just using him for perverse entertainment that this would be it, so he could slink back to his hole and resume his half-existence._

_But it was never enough. _

_The cloth was ripped from his face and a muscular, brown-eyed man with a bushy black beard that had streaks of grey leaned over him. Sergey, Ed had heard him called. Rank fumes washed over his face as his tormentor breathed, "Months, you've held your tongue for months. You should start talking soon, fiend. Otherwise you will die here." Old rebelliousness flamed in those golden eyes: Ed knew all about death and wasn't afraid to stare it down again. A calloused hand roughly gripped his face, "Don't you look at me like that you damned beast, I'll keep you alive if death is what you crave." He smiled as fear bloomed in those gilt depths. Now the hand was stroking his face, and Sergey added in low voice, "If you weren't so pretty, I'd have gouged out your eyes, a fucking blasphemy to God, a long time ago. You should consider yourself lucky."_

_Ed smiled weakly. Lucky? Yes he was the font of luck: he committed the ultimate taboo and came out a winner in the end. But for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction; in order to receive, one must give. This is what he lived by, his scarred and maimed body proof of his conviction. On some cosmic level, Ed figured that spending six years of his life being punched, kicked, and stabbed wasn't enough. It was almost funny. In fact it must be funny by the dead man's cackle that erupted from his throat, shaking his whole body._

"_What the fuck are you laughing at demon? Answer me!" Ed couldn't stop and he watched through slit eyes as Sergey walked away, whispered to one of the men on watch and left, the iron door screaming on its hinges. The chuckles dying on his lips were effectively extinguished by a sound bludgeoning across his stomach. Ed was gasping again to the delight of the guardsman standing over him as another one undid his restraints and promptly linked his wrist and ankle manacles with a heavy chain._

_The delighted man pulled him off the table and shoved him on his knees making the chain rattle disconcertingly. Ed closed his eyes and received a right hook in the jaw for it, but not hard enough to break; they were too practiced for that. The stone floor grated against his knee, but he was used to it now just like he was used to the sound of leather scraping metal as the guard undid his belt. _

_Too many months of malnutrition and sleep deprivation kept Ed from fighting back. Besides, he wouldn't get away and only receive worse treatment for it. Not that it mattered anyway. No, he laughed in desperation at the farce that was his current existence and for that he would be used to relieve the frustrations of the good men that guarded him. Sometimes that meant being a punching a bag, sometimes it was public humiliation, and other times were like this._

_The smell of sweat and unwashed flesh assaulted his nose as he got to work._

_A man doesn't eat if he doesn't work._

…

Gold eyes snapped open, dark like honey from things best forgotten. Ed rolled over in his bunk and sighed in appreciation that the rolling dunes were white and blue under the moonlit sky. Swiping his sweat-dampened brow with the back of his sleeve, the blond sat up and took several deep breaths. His tattoo tingled like it always did after those…dreams. Some part of him refused to acknowledge them as memories, as if that would make them hallucinations of a demented mind. _I shouldn't bring this into Al's home, Al's life._ He shook his head to clear it.

The collar of Guilt just got heavier.

* * *

><p>Roy was studiously attempting to ignore the cramp that was slowly forming in his right hand as he signed his signature <em>again, <em>when suddenly his lap was full of bouncing little girl.

"Daddy!"

"Hello there princess," Roy chuckled as he hugged his daughter. He was as bad as Hughes and he knew that the man was saying 'I told you so' from beyond the grave. "To what do I owe this special visit?"

Gold-flecked hazel eyes sparkled with excitement. "Auntie Riza said I could take you home early today because you weren't being a 'slacker'. What's that?" Roy looked over Ana's head at the woman who watched over him like her namesake and smiled at her in gratitude. It had been difficult over the past couple of weeks since he had sent Viv into rehabilitation. Ana couldn't seem to remember what had happened to her and was genuinely upset when he told her that Mommy was very sick and had to go away for a little while.

"It means someone who doesn't like to do work. I love to work, but I love you more." He tickled her sides and laughed as she squealed and wriggled.

Only Riza and the entrusted staff of the Fuhrer's estate knew the truth of the situation, to the public his wife was gravely ill and in need of the healthy sights and sounds of the Aerugian coast to comfort her while she recovered in a seaside hospital. The blonde woman gave him a small smile in understanding as he she watched the Fuhrer get out of his chair, daughter in arms and sweep out the office.

"Have a good day, sir. Goodbye Ana."

"You too, colonel." He tossed off a wave to the rest of his staff as Inani fell in step behind him.

"Bye everybody," Ana called over his shoulder as they stepped into the hallway.

"Daddy, can we go see Mommy today?" the light of his life asked. He pressed a kiss to her temple before answering. They made their way down the halls of Central Command and the Fuhrer nodded at the sharply snapped salutes.

"I'm sorry princess, the doctor said maybe in a few weeks, but right now Mommy needs as much rest as she can get." He hated lying to his daughter, but he had done much worse to protect people he cared for, why not this? Ana leaned back to look in his face, her large hazel eyes searching his charcoal ones.

"Mmm, okay." She seemed to think that over, chewing on her bottom lip. Roy sighed; he was pretty much going to die from sugar-shock from watching his little girl be the cutest thing ever. "Can we make a 'get well' card for her?" He suggested and she visibly brightened as a light bulb went off. "Maybe we can pick flowers for Mommy, too!" A black, featureless car awaited them and when the driver opened the door, he put her in and buckled her seat belt.

"Anything you want princess," he said warmly before getting in on the other side.

Ana chattered for the rest of the drive and Roy interjected here and there, but ultimately just enjoyed this rare, innocent time with his daughter. They had tea with sugar cookies, made a get well card with lots of glitter (Roy was certain he'd be picking glitter out of his hair until the end of his days), and cut flowers from the garden. Dinner was a casual affair, but bath time was much more exciting and involved copious amounts of bubbles. Roy was just happy he foresaw the need to change prior to the event. Then it was story time.

Ana was definitely a girl who appreciated the finer things in life, such as afternoon tea on the veranda, in this she was Roy's daughter. Being Roy's daughter also meant having a keen interest in her father, the Flame Alchemist. This, of course, led to questions, which in turn led to stories of his own 'brave' deeds. Now that she was older, this meant story time involved the action-packed escapades of other famous Alchemists, violence and all. He tried to clean them up as best as he could, but if he went too far, she would give him a perfect imitation of his 'I-will-burn-you-to-a-crisp' glare plus pout. Tonight she wanted to hear about her all-time favorite, other than her father, the Fullmetal Alchemist. He was the youngest, bravest, most courageous one of them all, how could she not love him? Unable to deny his daughter anything, no matter how much recounting those tales made him want to pickle himself in scotch, he told them; dramatics and all.

When her thick-lashes rested on top of her roses-and-cream cheeks, he tucked her into bed, pressing a loving kiss on her forehead before standing up and turning off the light. Casting one more glance over his shoulder at her contented sigh, he smiled and closed the door. Padding down to his home office, he strode towards his desk and looked at the card and flowers. Pulling out his key ring, he unlocked a drawer in his desk and slipped the card inside a false compartment before pulling out a white glove, crimson stitching delicately picked out on the back.

He pulled it onto his right hand, feeling the silk-lined ignition cloth slide over his skin. Focusing on the bouquet, he snapped.

* * *

><p>Sleep kept its counsel from Revenge, leaving Brother Vadim capable of a swift decent down the Stair, for which he was grateful. Unfortunately, fear was a much greedier thing, stealing the blood from the young apostle's limbs as he faced a bridge that would take him to his destination. Forcing his earthy gaze towards his target, he moved foot in front foot with all the grace of a marionette. Every creak and shudder of his path sent spears of ice into Tomas' belly. He desired to be one with the Creator, just not yet.<p>

If he had gone ten paces, he had walked ten thousand, and sweat liberated itself from the brother's skin. Finally he released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in soft _whoosh _as his booted feet found purchase on solid rock and scrubby grass. Looking over his shoulder at the deceptive looking walls, ominously declaring its false strength to the world below, the young brother set his mouth in a grim line and swung his gaze back towards the village that huddled in the shallow valley before him.

It was unlikely that the order would approve his request to hunt down the man that desecrated God's gift to lowly Man. They elders would be wrought with grief, but couldn't and _wouldn't _shake their pacifist oath to meet out justice. Vadim suspected that whoever did this wasn't even Drachman, faithful or not, and therefore it was unlikely he would be in his homeland for very long. Provisions could found and letters sent from the little pocket of civilization. There was no turning away from his mission.

* * *

><p>In the dying light of the sunset, Ed ground his heel on the step absentmindedly and peered up at the house that his brother had built. It looked largely the same, the dark blue shutters had faded somewhat and a new tire swing was hanging from a maple off the side. <em>Al's living his happily ever after; do I have a place in it?<em> He knew his younger brother would never turn him away, but that didn't mean he shouldn't. Ed had felt the darkness that had birthed itself along with that monster all those years ago grow, fostered by loneliness and guilt, until it had nearly filled him up. Getting Al's body back, _knowing _he was happy, had helped to dispel that darkness as had Ling's unconditional friendship and loving caresses. Those were bright spots, lifelines in the blackness, but should he be _here_? Ed didn't have time to ponder the question further because the door opened to reveal a young version of himself clearly on a mission outside of the house.

The boy eyed the man on the porch suspiciously until he noticed the color of the man's eyes. Gold like his and Papa's.

"Uncle Ed?" Charles cocked his head to the side. The man's eyes widened in surprise and then he grinned.

"The one and only. What's up nephew of mine?" Charles couldn't help but grin back, before running into the house calling for his father.

Al was sitting in front of his typewriter, begrudgingly pecking out his latest paper on cellular regeneration in alchemy when he heard feet pounding in the hall and Charles calling for him. Said offspring threw open the door with a crash. Al missed a letter and cursed under his breath.

"Papa! You won't be—"

"Charles Edward, how many times have I told you to knock and enter at significantly less velocity? We've had this discussion and I'm not doing the calculus with you again," Al said without turning around. The boy reminded him of Ed sometimes: all action and bluster.

"But Papaaaa, listen to me—"

"No, you listen to me young man. I won't have you banging doors and running around like a lunatic. I me—"

"Uncle Ed is here!" The boy finally blurted out once he realized that his father was in an expounding mood.

"—an really, you're as bad as your…" Al turned to look at his son and a figure in black with long blonde hair came up behind him. He had that cocky grin and self-assured stance with his hand in his pockets and his hips jutting forward ever so slightly. Al took all of these things in as his brain slowly recognized his brother.

"Brother!"

"Al. Long time no see, huh?" Al got up from his desk and strode across his office, pulled his arm back and punched Ed solidly in the jaw. Charles looked over his shoulder at his uncle and shook his head.

"FUCK! What the hell?" Ed was sprawled on his ass and rubbing his soon-to-be bruising face.

"That's for leaving for ten years! And this," he knelt in the hall in tugged Ed into a fierce embrace, "This is for coming back safely. I missed you so much."

After a moment, Ed wrapped his arms around Al. "I missed you, too." A sigh came from behind them.

"Well at least you won't be so mopey Papa. I'll tell Mama what happened," Charles said in a put-upon tone. With his hands clasped behind his head, he strolled down the hall and out the back door to Winry's work shop, leaving the brothers to sit in the hallway stunned before breaking into side-stitching fits of laughter.

…

After their uncle recovered from a wrench 'accident', the whole Elric family had a lively dinner, mostly filled with stories of Uncle Ed's travels for Liesel and Charles, who sat wide-eyed and riveted on this strange, new man. All too soon, it was time for bed. Wanting to give the brothers time to talk, Winry herded her children up the stairs for their baths and bed. Ed watched with an amused look on his face as his brilliant niece and nephew tried to make a sound argument about how house dust was really just sloughed off skin and therefore not really dirt, so a bath wasn't really necessary.

Al had been examining his brother all night and found things that disturbed him. There was a tension in his shoulders and a diamond hardness in his gaze that hadn't been there before. His smiles didn't quite reach his eyes and, overall, the vibrant life force that was Edward Elric felt subdued. Al reached across the table to rest his hand on Ed's, who looked over at him somewhat startled.

"What's up Al?" Ed asked nonchalantly.

"I'm not sure. You seem….different, but I can't quite put my finger on it," Al finished lamely.

"Yeah, being gone for ten years does change a person," Ed quipped.

"No, not like that. I don't know how to explain it to you…" Al trailed off. They sat in uncomfortable silence and the brothers withdrew their hands. _What is this? What's wrong with me? It's Ed. He's just….different. _Ed cleared his throat as if he was going to say something, but closed his mouth and looked around the dining room.

"So, uh, how's Granny? I sent my trunks over to the house, but I came straight here after I got off the train." Ed saw a shadow flit in the bronze gaze of his brother. "What? What is it, Al?"

"Ed, Granny passed away four years ago," Al said quietly, barely able to keep the accusatory tone out of his voice. "There was no way to reach you."

Ed's eyes darted away from Al's face. Edward Elric was a man of intense emotions, but the man who sat at the kitchen table simply felt numb.

"Passed…away," he said in a monotone and stared unseeing at Al. Alarm stole over his younger brother at this unusual behavior; it frightened him.

"Brother, where were you? What happened in those years you didn't write? Please, tell me," Al begged. _What is wrong with him?_

"Is she buried next to Mom and…Dad?" Again the monotone droned.

"Yes. Don't try to change the subject! We can talk about that later. Brother? Ed? Where are you going?" Panic had crept into Al's voice, but it didn't faze the other blond.

Ed got up and left the dining room, picking up speed until he got to the front door. He swung it open and ran outside and let his mind go blank as he ran as fast as he could to the cemetery. Someone was calling for him, but he ignored it as he welcomed the burn in his thighs and the harsh bass line in his chest. Ed felt like he could run like this forever, no thought, allowing his conscious to succumb to the minutiae of living. _Breathe, beat, run, breathe, beat, run, breathe, beat, run, run, run. _

_Run._

Two wooden posts were the only sign of the cemetery's entrance. Panting heavily, Ed tentatively stepped through and walked down the neat rows of headstones. His golden gaze flicked over the engravings until they rested on the names of his parents and then the Rockbells, and finally Pinako's. He fell to his knees in front of it and just sat in silence. Reaching one hand out, he traced the letters engraved so carefully into the granite. The texture sent a jolt up his arm and sent him back.

…

_Rough stone ground against his hands and knee as he crawled across his cell to the straw pallet on the floor, his chains seemingly determined to catch on every crack and hole in the floor. It was easier than trying to stand and limp, his port radiated pain into his thigh from the frigid, damp air and he needed to conserve his energy. At least the drugs they forced on him made his senses dull enough to try and sleep._

_The shriek of rusted iron startled him and he blinked slowly at the sudden light, and then glared at the familiar face of his captor._

"_Ah, the smell of unbroken spirit. Tell me demon, do you like parties?" The bearded man said. Ed hadn't figured out his name yet, he'd only been there for a few days. The blond kept his mouth shut, talking back only brought punishment and he needed his strength if he was going to escape. "I hope you do," the man continued in his northern-accented Drachman. "Because you are going to be the life of one." _

_Confusion must have been apparent in his face because the man gave a harsh bark of laughter before signaling to someone outside of his cell. A tall, slender woman came in; clearly of Drachman descent, her slightly bulbous nose and elongated grey-blue eyes were attractively counterpointed by her slim, shapely lips. That small mouth curled in disgust and her eyes narrowed, but that didn't mask the distaste, anger and fear swirling underneath her dark blonde lashes. She had a black bag from which she withdrew a metal collar and chain with the same heavy links as the ones that linked his manacles._

_Even on the dank floor of a window-less cell, nude and shivering, Ed didn't flinch when the woman stepped forward briskly, whip-like braid swishing, and snapped the collar around his neck. The dark bag was shoved over his head, shrouding the already dim cell in black. _

_His drug-hazed mind couldn't keep him from sprawling against the floor when she jerked the chain on his collar. He fumbled the first few crawls, his knee filling the room with sound of metal scraping stone before settling into a leaden rhythm._

_Despite the cloth over his head, he could feel the shift in light and knew they must be outside of the cell. Two pairs of boots thudded loudly in the stone corridor next to him, providing a dismal beat to the chiming rattle of his chains. The skin on his knee was beginning to burn as they turned down a sixth hallway. Ed was sure they had doubled back at least once, but the drugs kept him from forming a complete mental map. Snorting at that, he missed the first step of stair and almost bit his tongue off when his chin crashed into it. The woman didn't wait and jerked his chain as if she was forcing a dog to heel. Growling in frustration, Ed bit back the urge to call her a number of four-letter words when his other captor began to laugh._

"_So you do have a voice demon. Even if it's as intelligible as an animal's. Is that what you really are? Some hellhound that escaped from his master?" Ed didn't answer; it seemed the safest option until a boot connected with his left thigh. He gasped and lurched as lighting shot up his leg, white hot. "Answer me!" The man growled, but collected himself and continued, "We'll find out what you are eventually. Come, Natalya. Our demon pet is eager to join the party." Prepared this time, Ed clambered up the winding, long flight of steps as best he could, but his muscles began to shake with effort before long. Mentally cursing his weakened state and truly missing his alchemy, he tried to just focus on the present and realized they had stopped. He waited on the landing until he heard a door open and another hard yank pulled him forward into the noise and heat._

…

"Ed! Ed!"

Ed's eyes focused on the headstone in front him. His arm was still outstretched and he looked to his left to see Al kneeling next to him, worry written all over his face. A warm wetness streamed down his face, when had he started crying? Wiping his face with the back of his sleeve, he took a deep breath of the warm summer night air. _Summer had been Granny's favorite season, it made good weather for smoking and drinking she said. _Grief was a hard lump in his stomach, but he knew that it would lessen in time without ever really going away. His mother's death had taught him that and since he hadn't learned his lesson properly the first time, Hughes was a hurtful reinforcement.

"I wasn't here," he whispered. He clenched his fists in anguish, rage, and guilt. If he had just come home, just left that last lead….would he have made it in time? "I wasn't here for any of it. I'm sorry, Al."

"I know, but I can't forgive you, yet," Al said quietly, his bronze gaze unwavering. Ed blinked in surprise, a mix of hurt and relief welling in him. "If I do, you'll only punish yourself more. You're going to have to work for it." He took in a breath as his eyes grew bright with pent up emotion. "What's the point of you giving me my body back, my _life_ back, if you aren't there to share it with me? I know how much family means to you, so why are you running away from it?"

"Al, I—"

"No. I know what _he_ did, but you can't let that break you. You're stronger than that." Underneath the reprimand was a fierce faith in him that would have taken him aback, but for what Al said.

"Who did what?" Ed cocked his head to side and his face pinched in genuine confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"You—you don't remember?" Disbelief had sent Al's eyebrows to his hairline.

"Remember what? Just tell me, Al," he replied, failing to keep the frustration out of his voice. "What is it that I'm supposed to remember? Or who?"

Al studied his older brother for a moment, uncertainty roiling in him. It was tempting to lie or let this slide into oblivion, but he couldn't do that. His brother had fought for the truth for most of his life; he wouldn't betray that effort now.

"I think he should tell you himself, but I'll be here to pick up the pieces. Besides, you have a summons to Central Command anyway," he finished with soft smile while looking up at the night sky. "We should go back, it's getting late and if I know my twins, they are going to have you up bright and early." He stood and brushed the knees of his pants. "Goodnight, Granny."

Ed considered the grave one more time and sighed. "I miss you, Granny." He stood as well, knee popping as he followed his younger brother back up the road to the house. Clasping his hands behind his head, he cast sidelong glances at his brother. Ed wanted to ask about this mystery person in Central, but Al seemed confident that everything would work itself out and he was usually right. He smiled to himself at that: it was Al's unshakable faith and confidence in him that had pulled him through all those years of searching for the stone. He hadn't realized how much he needed that pillar of quiet strength.

"So what about this summons?" He asked as if he didn't have a storm of emotions and thoughts howling inside of him. He might as well have been talking about the best method of carding wool.

"First, let me preface this by saying, I've been reading your mail for years and only out of necessity. Not that you get anything important anyway." He laughed as Ed pushed him to the side. "But I saw that it's from the department of education in regards to some application." Ed wasn't fooled, Al knew exactly what the application was for-he just wanted him to come clean about it.

"Yeah, I'm opening a school. Well, not really, it'll be more of a research, think-tank type thing, but with students in an independent study program. I'm hoping to get some grants through, maybe even a couple of government contracts. But apparently, since this new government was established, people have to have licenses to teach. So I have to take this test and submit even more paperwork and pay even more fees." He let out a dramatic sigh. "The things I do for my love of alchemy." He froze at his own words. _Should I tell Al I got my alchemy back? _Sinister images flicked across his mind that he quelled in desperation and dropped his arms, sighing. _Not yet, I'm not ready yet._ Al was looking at him now, brows drawn in concern.

"Brother?" Ed could see the house on the little hill, lights twinkling merrily in the windows. He shook his head.

"Um, I know I stopped writing four years ago and you have every right to know what happened." He paused and took a breath to steady himself. "I can tell you some of it, but there are some…things that I can't...that I don't…." Ed startled at the warm hand clasping his own.

"It's ok. I know you'll tell me when you're ready. I'm sorry for pushing so hard earlier."

"Nah, it's alright. You can't help being a big worrywart," he said cheekily and grinned, his thanks clearly evident in his expressive gaze. Al chuckled and opened the door to the house. Again, Ed hesitated before stepping across the threshold as if his very presence would ruin the peace that his brother had found.

Stifling a yawn, he said good night to Al and pulled out his ponytail, sighing as he scratched his scalp. Suddenly, he realized that all of his stuff was at Granny's….. _his _house and groaned. He ran a hand back through his bangs. _That_ would take some getting used to; he had never owned anything more than a few books and the clothes on his back for so long. Now, he had a whole house and a large one at that.

Ed let out another yawn as he shuffled to the guest room, but when he saw the bed he frowned. The dreams about that _place_ were more frequent than ever lately and it made him hesitate. Sometimes he feared that this was a dream and was still in a cell. That fear was what drove him to work in Ling's court; he _needed_ to be busy. When he stumbled upon the emperor two years ago, for all of Ed's bravado, he was falling apart, mentally and physically. Somehow his friend knew this and took him in, never prying or asking questions, just letting him live a somewhat normal life.

It was also that fear that made him want to open a research lab. In the publishing of papers and doing mundane things like signing off on payroll, he could prove his existence.

He knew that sleep wouldn't come easy and what little he would get would be filled with nightmares, so he grabbed the towel on the bed and headed to the shower with the hope that he could clear his head. On his way out, he noticed a stack of mail, the topmost one addressed from the department of education. Throwing his towel over his shoulder, he picked it up and quickly scanned the contents.

"Thirty days, huh? _And_ a special interview with the Fuhrer," he muttered to himself. Great that meant he had to dress up. He supposed he should be grateful for his experience working in a royal court, he had learned a lot about how to deal with heads of state and diplomats. When he thought about it, his manner around 'very important people' was similar to someone he once knew… Shaking his head, Ed found a welcome distraction in looking over the rest of his opened mail. Most of it was birthday cards, invitations to weddings, fundraisers, other people's birthday parties, and photos. All of it predated 1929. _I guess Al let everyone know I was missing._ He knew that they wouldn't have been able to search for him, it was an abuse of their positions in the military and they didn't have jurisdiction outside of the country. Besides, given where he was, Ed doubted they would've been able to find him anyway. Not even Drachmans went that far north unless they were on pilgrimage.

He put the stack of mail back on the desk, his thoughts and emotions blowing through his mind so quickly that he could only feel an alarming confusion. How does a person come back to their life ten years later? Ed doubted that his friends in the military would still be the people that he left behind. They would have changed so much. Apprehension sliced though the maelstrom in his head like a guillotine, going back to Central would be much more difficult than he had originally anticipated.

No. He would deal with whatever waited for him there. _I'm tired of running. It stops now._ He felt more like himself than he had in years, not just a hollow shell that was endlessly searching and running.

…

Freshly showered and dressed for sleep, Ed found himself lying in bed, wide awake in the moonlit stillness. He was exhausted, but he couldn't make his brain shut down and his thoughts chased each other endlessly. A soft knock on the door broke his reverie.

Al's muffled voice came through the door. "Brother?"

"Come in." Al stepped inside and shut the door behind him. "Everything alright, Al? You didn't have a nightmare did you?" Ed propped himself up on one elbow to scrutinize his younger brother's features for the telltale signs of fear and denial that came after the harrowing visions.

"No, I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about our conversation," he replied thoughtfully before perching on the side of the bed. "I don't believe I'll be able to until I know why. Why couldn't you come home once during your travels? I just don't understand." Ed winced at the hurt and confusion lacing Al's voice. "It seems like ever since I recovered after I got my body back, you've been leaving me behind. First it was the Ishbalan Reconstruction and then _ten years_ of rambling around looking for _books_?" Al dropped his head in his hands. "Please say something Ed."

Ed sat up next to him and sighed. He hated seeing Al like this and the fact that he was the cause of so much distress made guilt roil through him. "I don't know what to say Al. I…I wanted to come home so many times, but I'm just fucked up like that father of ours. Every time I wrote, every time I even thought about coming home, something held me back. At first I thought I just wanted to travel or have some perverse quest of knowledge, I don't know… but that wasn't it. It was like I was broken inside… completely shattered, and trying to find a way to fix it. I've put you through enough with the whole 'losing your body to the gate' fiasco, I didn't want to make this your problem, too." Ed sighed again and fell back on the bed letting the guilt consume his other emotions. "That doesn't make any sense. I'm selfish, Al. That's all there is to it."

Al didn't say anything for a long while. "No, you're not selfish. You're one of the most selfless people I know, sometimes to a fault." He turned to look at Ed who looked back at him in disbelief. "You are. You should've let me help you. Now that I look back at the months you were home after the reconstruction: all the signs were there. I was so happy to have you here with us and the kids; I guess I wanted to believe that everything was perfect."

Now it was Ed's turn to be silent. He let his mind drift back to those peaceful months. It had been nice being with Al and Winry and he remembered being as taken with the twins as they were, but _something_ had been missing. There had been many days of sitting on the roof, just looking at the sky and the rolling fields and herds of sheep. It had reminded him of the summer days when he and Al were young, before Mom died, so ready to take on the world and explore the mysteries of alchemy. It was as perfect as it was going to get, he surmised.

"It was, in its own way, I guess," Ed finished. He tilted his head back to look at the clock on the bedside table. "It's really late. You should try and get some sleep." Al snorted in amusement.

"I'm raising twins, Ed; I think I can take care of myself."

"I know, and they're turning out great of course, but I like to pretend that you still need your older brother every once in a while," Ed replied sheepishly.

"You don't have to pretend, Brother. I'll always need you." Al took one Ed's hands in his own and squeezed it gently before standing. "I want to continue this conversation _before_ you leave for Central, _which _I'm not happy about since you only just got here." He gave Ed a pointed look and sighed. "But if you're really not happy in Resembool, I'm not going to make you feel guiltier than you already look. Oh, don't look so surprised, Brother. I've known you my whole life remember? You're a genuine guilt monger, don't try to deny it." Ed sat up and frowned at that. He wasn't a guilt monger, it's not like actively _sought _to feel this way.

"You make it sound like I do it on purpose," he muttered. Al chuckled, which made Ed feel a bit better, and turned to the door.

"Night, Brother."

"Good night, Al."

* * *

><p>In the heart of Central, the Fuhrer lay awake in his enormous four poster bed as the specter of sleep mocked him. He wanted a scotch, his thirst a gnawing, nagging ache, but he had quit after Ana was born. It was amazing what love for another person could do. Ed had also made him feel that way, that he could be a better man. Roy remembered that dazzling smile that he had once believed was only for Alphonse shine for him. His chest tightened, it had been years and years since he'd last seen the blonde in person, but that didn't seem to make the hollowness his daughter couldn't fill any less empty. It was more than just yearning for his former lover, Roy missed his friend. His mess of a relationship with Ed turned into one of the most intimate friendships he'd had since Maes. Not even Riza was that close to him. He couldn't break down in front of her like he did with Ed on Maes' birthday.<p>

It wasn't one way either. Roy knew himself well enough to know that such inequality would make him feel resentful. But Ed willingly shared his fears about staying in Resembool, that somehow he would ruin Al's happiness or that he wasn't really a genius or a prodigy, just a fake who got lucky more than most. He whispered how guilty he felt over resenting his younger brother for trading his Gate for Al's body, even though it was only for a second, because he held to the belief that it all his own fault in the first place. Despite that hidden darkness, Ed was the sun and showed Roy everything that he would give him, but the then general turned away from it at the last minute because he was weak. He couldn't control the fire of his ambitious nature.

Being cut of Ed's life so completely and abruptly was a near impossible pill to swallow and Roy realized that he'd never truly accepted it. It hurt to not be able to share his joy over his daughter's birth with him. It nearly broke him when he couldn't turn to him when his wife's drug addiction started. He'd lost countless hours of sleep to nightmares after hearing that the one person the world could rely on went missing. Now Ed Elric was back and coming to Central and it was almost too much to bear. There were too many things Roy wanted to say, which were only shadowed by the tangled mass of emotions that he was too tired to deal with. So he just lay in bed and stared at the ceiling, wishing sleep would release him from his self-inflicted misery, the worse kind really, while trying not think about Ed's scent or his butterscotch voice that rasped in just the right way.

Giving into that dark, chill feeling that came to him in these quiet hours, Roy turned on his side to face the empty expanse of his bed and imagined Ed there, golden hair a sleep-tousled mess, his dark lashes resting on his cheeks, even his soft, open-mouthed snore. This wasn't a new tactic, it had been years since he and Viv shared a bed and it allowed him some small measure of comfort.

But it was never enough.

When he was finally too weary to keep his heavy lids from shutting, the sky was still dark, but he could hear the birds chirping brightly.

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><p><em>AN: Sorry this took so long to update, real life called and wanted me to return. I want to give a special thank you to xNeissax and Le Petit Usagi whose continued support makes me keep going even when I want to just kill everyone off and be done with it._

_Title of this chapter is a lyric from the song "Gold, Guns, Girls" by Metric, obviously I have no rights to that..._

_I hope this wasn't too confusing, I'm trying out non-linear story-telling. This is why I need a beta reader! Anyway, enough rambling, that's all for now and I hope to keep to my once-a-week schedule from here on out._

**_Please review!_**


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